“I don’t think I could eat rightnow.”
“Of course. And I can have Elizabeth watched for several days if you wish. Do you think you might want to go home for aspell?”
Susan thought about that. “No. What is best for me is to immerse myself in my teaching. I can’t think of a better way to heal than to be with Elizabeth’s eagerbrightness.”
John nodded, and Susan took his hand, kissed it, and returned to herroom.
* * *
Susan had not yet criedfor Daniel. Were her affections so shallow, she asked herself? She sat and stared out at the park. It was lunchtime, but she didn’t feel like eating. She knew Elizabeth was being cared for and, as it was a bright day, she decided to don her coat and walk. Walking always calmed and settledher.
As she was putting on her coat, she saw the cockade on the lapel of her coat. She instinctively reached up and fingered the locket Daniel had given her, and she was overcome with a wash of grief. Daniel—sweet, sweet—Daniel was gone forever. She would never see his smiling face again. She remembered the sparkle of his blue eyes and the soft golden curls of his hair—his warm smile and the touch of his hand on her arm. True, it was not the great charge she felt when John touched her, but she treasured itnevertheless.
She sat down and began to cry—not great sobs—but a soft gentle crying that seemed more appropriate for the grief she felt for this gentleman.
When she could cry no more, she stood up, wiped her eyes, buttoned her coat, wrapped a scarf tightly around her neck, and went for herwalk.
The air was cold, but the sun had warmth. She stretched her legs, briskly moved her arms, and used the physicality of her body to release her grief, clear her mind, and begin to deal with her thoughts and feelings forJohn.
She realized there was absolutely no reason not to move forward with her growing passion for him if he felt as she did. But she needed to think it through. Sit with the implications of what that would mean for all of them—John, herself, and Elizabeth. Could they be a family? John had suffered great grief over the loss of Annabel. Was he sufficiently healed to be able to love another? And how would Elizabeth react to having Susan as her actual mother? She didn’t want to rush her decision, nor did she want John to rush to a decision either. It was best to give it moretime.
Susan soon found she had walked to near the edge of the estate. She was in a wooded area she’d not visited before. There had been no snow for several weeks and the ground was clear. The woods were dark, but not threatening. She felt an unexpected peacefulness descend upon her. She stopped in the middle of the trees and calmly took deepbreaths.
She heard a rustling in the underbrush and turned to see a doe and fawn, paused, and staring at her. But they seemed to understand she meant no harm and they continuedgrazing.
Susan backed up slowly and headed back toward the house. She felt calm and centered. She still held Daniel in her heart, but she began to feel she was ready to move cautiouslyforward.
* * *
John gaveSusan a wide berth for the next few days. He let her grieve however suited her best. He saw her take her morning walks—which seemed to last longer than usual. She had her meals by herself. But she was constant and regular in teachingElizabeth.
Then one morning Susan appeared at the librarydoor.
“Might I come in?” sheasked.
John was preparing to go out to the wool packing shed, but he welcomed herinside.
“Come. I’ve missed seeing you. How are youfaring?”
“Not too badly. But it’s been a rough fewdays.”
“Yes, I know how thatis.”
“Are you busy? Might wetalk?”
John was torn. He needed to be at the shed, but he wanted to be there forher.
“It’s a bad time, isn’t it?” she asked. John hesitated. “I’ll come back later,” sheoffered.
“What about a walk together tomorrow morning? I know you are walking still, even in the cold. Perhaps we could speakthen?”
“That would be fine.” She turned to leave. “Oh, and I’m ready to resume coming to supper again. Is Miss Fitzwilliam still in the picture? I’ve not seen her for severaldays.”
John smiled. “She is. It seems she’s now stalking mybrother.”
“Ah, yes. As you know, Simon approached me before I learned of Daniel’s demise and he was sounding me out about the possibility of the two of us reuniting again. I made it quite clear that was not going to happen. So perhaps he’s now exploring his other options aswell.”
“As is she, I’m afraid. At this juncture, she’s still not given me a date when she’s planning toleave.”
