Chapter 34
Days passed,so many that Iris began to give up hope. Every time someone walked through that front door she felt an intense rush of happiness, but it had been crushed so many times now that she was starting to lose all idea that this might turn out well. She had no idea where Ewan was, and it seemed he did not want to reveal himself anytimesoon.
Maybe she really had pushed him over theedge.
She carried on in the best way that she could, focusing only on each task as it presented itself to her.One step at a time, it became a motto of hers. It was only during the night time, when she had nothing to think about but the letter, that things really got to her. That was when her brain went crazy, and she began picturing all kinds of terrible things. She just was not sure what she was supposed to feel without Ewan here, how on Earth could she imagine what he wanted in thefuture.
Actually, she felt like she might go insaneherself.
Until, it happened, on a dreary Tuesday where it felt like nothing good would ever happenagain.
When he finally did come back it was almost unexpected. Iris had spent so long convincing herself that he wasn’t ever coming for her, that it shocked her when he did. When Amy came to Iris with the news it almost felt like a joke. She nearly laughed, except for the fact that her heart had jumped painfully right into herthroat.
“He... he is here?” she stammered, clutching onto Amy’s arms. “Has he said anythingyet?”
“Nothing as yet, he simply raced into his office and locked the door behindhim.”
Iris nodded as if she understood this, but it did not quite compute with her brain. If Ewan was back, then why hadn’t he come to speak with her immediately? He must have known that she wanted to know what he thought about things, eitherway.
Before, Iris would have waited. She would have remained exactly where she was until he came for her, but she had an inner strength now that wasn’t ever there before. Iris didn't know exactly where it had come from, but for the first time, she truly wanted to utilizeit.
“I am going to him,” she told Amy decisively. No longer would she be weak willed, simply sitting back and waiting for things to happen for her. She had control of her destiny, should she so want it. “I am going to find out what ishappening.”
“Would you like me to come with you?” Amy asked excitedly. “I can ensure that he iskind...”
“I will be fine,” Iris interjected. This was definitely one of those things that she needed to do by herself. “Thank you, Amy. I will come and speak with youafterwards.”
There was a true decisiveness to her step as she walked towards her fate, a sensation that she had a control over her future. It did not matter what Ewan decided really, she simply needed to know how he felt so she could make a choice. He held her heart in his hands, but not her fate. Not all of it,anyway.
Knock,knock.
Her heart pounded as she banged on the door, but this time it was not with fear. It reminded her that she was most definitely alive, which was an incredible feeling really. It buzzed and hummed right through her, giving her a trueconfidence.
"Come in," Ewan called in a knowing tone. As Iris pushed open the door he smiled. "Iris, I have been expectingyou."
“Is that why you did not call for me?” She could not keep the bitterness from her tone. “I assumed that you wanted to speak with me the moment youreturned.”
“Oh, I do.” He stepped closer with his arms open wide, but Iris was not ready to embrace him just yet. Realising that, his arms fell to his sides. Ewan had not wanted to hurt Iris, he just needed to work out how he could ensure everyone’s happiness. “I am sorry, I wanted to get everything in place before I told you, but since you are here I do not see any point in holdingback.”
“Right.” Iris nodded rapidly as she spoke. “So, what is it you have to share withme.”
Her brained spun, expecting the worst. She had the feeling that he was about to send her off to another house, to make her start again. She did not want that; she didn’t have the courage. But she supposed it would be better than working thestreets.
“I have been planning our future together, a way for us to get married without hurting everyoneelse.”
Iris’s heart lifted, then dipped. She did not want her hopes raised for nothing. “That is not possible, not unless I want to give myself up completely.” He would be worth it, Iris knew that, but she did not believe that it would work. She just had this intense feeling that if she gave up her whole identity everything would gowrong.
“Wait until you hear what I have planned.” He indicated for Iris to sit down, but she couldn’t. Not until she knew which direction this would take. “We can board one of my ships, we can go to America to start a brand newlife.”
America...it was almost as if he could remember her wish. Iris felt exhilarated by the idea that she could leap onto a boat and she could leave all her troubles behind, but it was only a dream. Just like everything in Iris’s life, it would only ever be a dream. A wonderful fantasy where she got to see theworld.
“Americans live in a different way to us, we can find a brand new home, one without expectations. Then it will not matter if I am Lord Oakley, or not. It will not matter if you are Daisy Jones, the maid, or Lady Iris Warwick. None of that will matterthere.”
Freedom.Iris could see the bird from the painting soaring in her mind. She could see the world below her, she could see it all. It was such a wonderful idea, it made her want to weep withglee.
“But what about your life here?” she gasped, trying to make Ewan understand everything that he would be giving up. “What about your sister? Your home? Yourbusiness?”
"My sister is at the age where she can choose her own husband, soon she will have a life of her own. My business can be managed by a third party. I have done the hard work now. It is time for me to live my life instead.” He stood close to her and reached out for her hands. Despite her better judgement Iris took them. “This could be our chance to have true happiness, this could be our happy everafter.”
