Iris paused for just a beat too long, letting Ewan know the truth. She did love him too, she did want all of this, she was justafraid.
Fear, he could cope with. He could easily negotiatethat.
"I have not..." At first, Iris was going to deny avoiding Ewan, but then she sighed deeply as she realized there wasn’t any point. He knew, and so did she. “I just do not think this willwork.”
“But I love you.” Ewan furrowed his eyebrows at her. “And I believe that you love me. What more is there to worryabout?”
I am not who you think,Iris thought in a panic.I am a liar, I switched with the real Daisy and now she is married to the Duke asme.
Oh, how she wanted to say it. She wished that she could find the courage deep within herself to tell him, but she couldn’t stand to see that disappointment on hisface.
Nor could she start her love on alie.
“I am sorry, Lord Oakley.” She shimmied towards the door frame creating a gaping distance between them. “There is just no way. There are too many blocks in the way, too many obstacles to overcome. It would be too much for the both of us. I do not believe that you are anticipating how challenging this willbe.”
“Oh, I understand completely.” Ewan did not like the finality in Daisy’s tone. It seemed that she really was about to turn her back on him. In all the outcomes he had pictured in his mind, Daisy saying no to him never even occurred. “I know what we will face, but I do not mind. I am in love with you. I have loved you ever since I first saw you in the Warwickhome.”
Warwick.Just another reminder that Iris was a liar. The blocks started weighing so heavily on her shoulders she feared she might crumble under the heaviness of them. Her feet scurried backwards as she tried to make anescape.
“I... I...” she stammered. “I’m sorry, Ewan, I haveto...”
With that, she turned and ran. Tears flowed out behind her as she realized that this truly was goodbye. There wasn't any way that she could remain in the Oakley household now, everything that she feared was about to cometrue.
Shecouldget to Elizabeth for help, but she did not want to. She couldn’t put that pressure on her when she was expecting a child. Maybe she could go to Olivia too, but she knew her sister would find her a burden. Maybe Daisy would help her out, but that left her at far too much of arisk.
No, she would have to go far. Far away from here. Some place where no one would recognize her. She had some wages, it wouldn’t last long but if she used it wisely maybe she could keep herself off the streets. It wouldn’t be easy, but she had totry...
“Daisy,” Amy’s shocked voice called after her as she spotted her friend in a terrible state. “What is goingon?”
“I’m sorry.” Iris could barely stand to look at her. After all her promises she was going to let her down anyway. She paused for a moment, but she kept her gaze fixed on the ground. “I did not mean for this to happen. I never wanted to leaveyou.”
“You’re going?” Amy’s chest tightened. This was not the way that things were supposed to go at all. “But... mybrother...”
No, Iris couldn’t hear it again. “I have spoken with your brother, but I cannotstay.”
Amy’s heart stopped beating. She had been planning the most wonderful wedding between Daisy and Ewan, she’d been so excited for her brother to finally tell the woman he loved how he felt about her – even though he’d promised to warm Amy first. She did not for one second think that it would tear everythingapart.
“You are leaving?” she gasped in shock. “But why? Where will you go? Why... why do you not want tostay?”
Iris could see the intense plea within Amy’s eyes, but there wasn’t anything that she could do to placate that. There wasn’t any answer she could give that would make this anybetter.
“I am truly sorry, Amy, I wish that things could be different. I also wish I could explain to you why it has to be this way but I cannot. It is too deep and too tragic. Just know that if there was any other way I would not choosethis."
“But I love you,” Amy half wept. “I want you to stay here, even if you won’t marry Ewan. Why can you not remain as myhandmaiden?”
“Oh, Amy.” The tears were back; Iris could not stop them. Being adored and needed was such a wonderful feeling. Iris had no idea if she’d be able to find it again, or not. “You will have a family of your own very soon, you will not needme...”
“But you can come withme...”
Iris shook her head firmly. If she was going to leave Ewan behind, then it needed to be a clean break. There couldn't be any link to him ever again or she wouldn't be able to get him out of her mind. If Ewan was always in her thoughts, then she would be a tortured soul forevermore.
“Amy, it has to be this way. If it is not, then someone will end up very hurt. I do not want to upset anyone, that has never been myintention.”
Amy hated how gutted this made her feel, she wanted to put an end to it. She wished that she could dive back into her bed so that she could wake up and do this whole day over again, somehow bringing with it a different outcome, but she could not. She raced forwards and flung her arms around her handmaiden, holding her as close to her body as shecould.
“I will miss you so, Daisy. I do not want things to be this way.” Her mind spun as she tried to find a way to make things right. “Is there anything you need? Will you want money to get you started?” Amy did not have direct access to money, but she’d find a way if she needed to. “I will do what I can, I do not like the idea of you out therealone.”
Iris did not answer Amy, instead, her gaze was fixed over her shoulder as she saw Ewan standing at the other end of the hallway, panting heavily like he’d been chasing afterher.
Even though she had directly rejected him, still he was not ready to give up. That hurt Iris more than anything else, she hated that sadness in his eyes, it killed her that she had put it there, she wished she could make itright.
“Daisy, please?” he begged. “Do not go like this. At leastexplain.”
She couldn’t. She wouldn’t. But shedidowe him that much, didn’tshe?
