Chapter 25
The white housewith a pointed roof and large windows were surrounded by lush, green trees. This guest house was nearer to the city than the countryside, but it seemed the owner wanted to create some escapism with thedécor.
Iris really liked it, it had a quaint, sweetfeel.
Ewan dragged his case towards the front door, so Iris followed behind him. As she walked, she wondered what the people inside would think of her travelling with this man. Would they assume that she was an affair that Ewan wasn’t being very discrete about? They couldn’t assume that she belonged to him since it was clear that she was nothighborn.
Hopefully, it would quickly become clear that this was nothing more than business. Iris did not like the idea of judging eyes uponher.
Actually, this was the first time since she had left her own home that she felt scared to have people looking at her again. It felt strange to have that sensation washing over her again, it was almost as if all the work that she’d done on herself in the Oakley household wasgone.
Inside, the golden shine of the wallpaper caught the sunlight perfectly, which drew Iris’s eyes towards some wonderful pieces of artwork. There was a portrait of a fine-looking gentleman next to an image of a stormy ocean, which of course was the one that she was mostly drawn to. Iris felt like it represented her emotions, she felt a windy storm brewing inside of her, tossing her through the air like aragdoll.
“Good evening, Sir,” the kindly-looking lady from behind the counter said. “How may I helpyou?”
As Ewan reeled off his request for four bedrooms, the lady glanced towards where Iris was standing, half hiding behind the Lord. She felt her spine stiffen as the lady’s gazed drank her in, but as she received a non-judgemental smile, all of that simply fellaway.
Maybe the world wasn’t such a scary place, afterall.
Eventually, they were taken upstairs and shown to their rooms. Iris felt lucky to be positioned on a different floor to everyone else because it gave her some much-needed space. She'd spent a lot of the day alone in her carriage, but it wasn’t enough. There was so much in her mind that she needed to process and Iris honestly wasn’t sure if there was enough time in the world to go through itall.
Her room had white walls and a cream bed. Everything about it was clean and crisp, which made Iris glad that she didn’t have to clean it up. She wouldn’t cause any mess, but it was very likely that some guests would, and with all the light colours it would undoubtedly be impossible to clear out. Any stains would be impossible to get out, she couldn’t help wondering how the staff at this guest house didit.
Luckily today, Iris did not need to worry about cleaning or looking after anyone else but herself. She was off-duty; this time was all herown.
It was just a shame that there weren't any wonderful paintings here for Iris to stare at like there were in the receptionarea.
She moved over to the window where an armchair had been positioned perfectly for her to gaze out in the world. It was dark, so she couldn’t see too much, but her brain was much too wired for her to eventhinkabout getting any sleep. It was better to stare at the view than look at the ceiling all nightlong.
As she gazed out over the trees, Iris returned to her favourite pastime, one that she hadn’t really done much of in a very long time. She let her mind wander and her imagination came flooding back like an oldfriend.
Iris imagined she was back in that pub, talking to Ewan, but of course this time the conversation went verydifferently.
“I feel like we should talk about our... previous meeting. At the Warwickhousehold.”
“Yes, of course,”Ewan replied in Iris’s imagination.“I want to talk about it too. I have not been able to stop thinking about it. I should have kissed you that night, and I wish to kiss younow.”
“Then you should kiss me right now,”Iris saw herself replying bravely. “We will only have one life, so we should embrace it wholly, should wenot?”
“Mmm, I love breaking the rules with you. Especially as you make such a good point. Why not live our lives to themaximum?”
Iris's heart fluttered violently as she pictured Ewan pressing his lips to hers. She had never felt the urge to kiss anyone before, not anyone real. Of course, she'd had her daydreams about a mysterious prince that didn't exist, but this was someone real, someone in her life, someone shecouldkiss if things weredifferent.
If life was something different, they could be kissing rightnow.
Iris could not believe that after all this time she had fallen in love with someone, just for him to be a man that she could never have. If she was herself, and her parents – or at the very least her mother – was alive, she could ask to marry this man. He could actually be hers if she was given achoice.
But now she was lowborn, and Ewan had made it very clear that he could not marry someone who did not share his status. It was a shame for the switch to have brought about such a confusing situation when it had done a lot of good for Iristoo.
With a deep and sad sigh, Iris removed herself from the chair and she forced herself over to the basin so she could wash herself down. It hardly mattered that she could not sleep, she needed to get some rest for the big day tomorrow. She had to be suitably prepared to addressElizabeth.
As Iris peeled off her dress and she took her underwear off, she tried to find that fear she had before. It was still utterly terrifying to think about, but it wasn’t as powerful anymore. This mess with Ewan had completely overshadowed everything. Iris wasn’t sure if that was a good thing, or not. It was much better not to worry, but mooning over Ewan wouldn’t ever get heranywhere.
With a clean body and a nightdress on, Iris slid between the slightly scratchy bed sheets at the guesthouse and she wondered what Ewan was doing. Was he fast asleep already, were all his worries gone, or was he lying awake just as she was wondering what could’vebeen?
Iris liked to think of him wrestling with his emotions, wondering what could be if things were different. She enjoyed the image of him daydreaming, imagining a future where they could actually be together. She knew it was unlikely and that he was probably snoring loudly already, but it helped her to think that she wasn’t the onlyone.
She actually smiled to herself as she considered it. She felt an unexpected burst of happiness coming deep from within her. If Ewan was as tortured as she felt, then maybe he loved her too. It was a hopeless love, but something that they shared. Something that would bond them forever. Maybe it wouldn’t help her to witness him with a wife who he could actually love freely, but it would get her through this journey at the veryleast.
