He furrowed his eyebrows at her and his face darkened for just a second. Iris could tell that he was considering his answer carefully. They both knew things about one another that could quite easily complicate things, and it seemed that he wasn’t quite sure whether or not he was ready to open thatdoor.
It seemed he wasn’t waiting for Iris to bring things up after all. Clearly, she had read that verywrong.
“Yes,” he eventually decided. “That shall befine.”
Iris’s heart pounded loudly, her lips dried with fear. Now she actually had to say those terrifying words aloud, while not knowing where it mightlead.
Just say it,her brain thought firmly.What is there to lose? Apart from everything, ofcourse...
“I feel like we should talk about our... previous meeting. At the Warwickhousehold.”
Ewan screwed up his face and a deep darkness filled his eyes. This obviously wasn’t what he wanted to hear. “I thought I already made it clear that the first time we set eyes on one another was at my home. Did I not already saythat?”
Iris blanched at Ewan’s harsh tone, but she refused to allow it to derail her. If everything did go terribly wrong after she saw her sister, then she at least wanted to know how he truly felt abouther.
Maybe this sense of having nothing left to lose was true freedom. Maybethiswas what she’d spent her whole life searchingfor.
“Yes, I understand that,” she replied calmly. “But we are no longer in the presence of company, are we?” her tone was just as firm as his. “And I do not think it is something that we can ignoreforever.”
Ewan tried to stare her down, he needed this subject to be dropped before it caused him any real issues. When he danced with the beautiful young maid at the ball, he was having a wonderful, freeing moment of madness. He certainly did not expect to return home after a business trip to find her working in hishome.
“Why did you come to work for me?” he askedunexpectedly.
The question totally threw Iris, but she felt like that might be the point. Ewan wanted to derail her train of thought. Her stomach twisted up in knots, but she refused to allow that to show on herface.
“Why did you leave the Warwick household? Were you unhappythere?”
Did he know? That was the scariest thought for Iris, that Ewan already knew the truth and he was waiting for her to confess all. “I... Idon’t...”
“What made you come to my house? Did you come looking forme?”
Ah!It all started to make a little more sense. Iris narrowed her eyes and her cheeks reddened with rage. “What are you trying to suggest? That I have come to trap you into something you do not want?” As the accusation rolled over her, anger hit her in waves. “Do you think that I have come to find you in hopes that...” Iris could not finish that sentence; she did not want to know where it might lead. “I did not even know that your name was Oakley, how would I know that it was yourhome?”
“I do not know,” Ewan admitted. “I guess I am just feeling perplexed about the wholething.”
Perplexed!Iris wanted to hit him for that statement, but she didn’t. This was messy enough. Violence would only make thingsworse.
“What is it that you would like me tosay?”
That it meant something to you, that you share my feelings,Iris thought. “I just want it to be acknowledged,” she saidinstead.
“Fine.” Ewan nodded slowly. “I acknowledge it. We spent time together at the Warwick ball, but it should never have happened... right?” He seemed to be searching for her approval with thatanswer.
“Right,” Iris replied hollowly. “Of course, because I am a maid and you are aLord.”
That was awful to come to terms with, she did not like to think of Ewan as so shallow and concerned with things like that, but of course, he would be. Everyone was. Names, titles, money... it was all that mattered to anyone. There wasn’t anything that could be done aboutit.
Iris wanted Ewan to say something else, she needed him to disagree with what she’d just said, but he didn’t. He fixed his eyes on his plate on the table and kept his mouth closed. That confirmed everything in Iris's mind, nothing could ever happen. She had known that for a very long time, but having it confirmed stillhurt.
It is closure,she told herself.Now I can turn my feelings off and focus on everythingelse.
“The food is good here,” Ewan idly commented. “I think the outside of the pub does not do itjustice.”
Iris pushed some of the food between her lips, but she couldn’t taste anything. “Yes, it is wonderful. Thank you for this lovelymeal.”
They ate in silence for a while, each of them lost in their own thoughts. They were stuck in a situation that had no solution, which left them both helpless. Ewan had Amy to think of, he could not wreck the family name for her sake. She needed a husband who could give her the life that she deserved, he could not be responsible for her losing that. He also needed to consider any future children. They did not deserve to struggle because of hisdecisions.
This was all that they coulddo.
