“You may be right.” Trace nodded. “He and I used to be so good together. I don’t know, maybe in a few months when our lives are more settled, we can try again.”
“Did you love him?”
“We’ll get to that later. We’re not done with you, so stop trying to get out of it.” She raised her eyebrows in a wicked taunt. “Tell me why you’re not still having this epic mind-blowing sex.”
“The last night we were together…” Her heart skipped a few beats, sinking into her gut as she relived the moment she’d been refusing to think about since it happened. The stupid L-word had nearly passed her lips so many times that night.
His wicked grin as she’d walked into his house that night. Curled up together watching the game, his hand resting easy on her bare legs; a mindless gesture for him no doubt, but the effortless affection had shaken her. Then when they’d gotten to his bedroom…
She wasn’t even going there. She still couldn’t handle the volcano of unspoken emotions that had erupted between them, even during the quiet of the night, snuggled up on the cramped bed.
Dipping her brush back in the paint, she continued, “Anyway. He made me laugh. Taught me how to throw with power. Reminded me that I’m strong, not because he wanted me to be, but because I had it in me. Okay, I sound crazy now. Probably reading way too much into things.”
“Let’s pretend for a minute that you weren’t married to a jerk for the last decade. That the timing was perfect. You feel like you, confident and vivacious. Would things have worked out?”
“Probably not. He might be moving anyway. Honestly, I’m not sure that he wants to, he seems to really love tending bar at his family’s pub. But he’s got a few interviews for coaching positions all over the country. And he’s been through so much, still so heartbroken, I don’t think he’s any more ready than I am.”
Trace bumped her roller against the ceiling, then cussed. “Sorry.” She grabbed the ladder and a damp rag to wipe up the mess. “Did he, I mean… tell me this. Do you think he loves you?”
Haley shrugged, holding the paintbrush still for fear of hitting the trim. Heavy conversation might have been a bad idea while painting. “I don’t know. But I know we meant more to each other than either of us intended.” She sighed, setting her brush on the tray, then plopped her butt down on the drop cloth. “He’s nicer than I deserve. All the while I’m ragging on Nate, Finn has nothing but good things to say about his ex; blames himself for messing up with her.”
Pausing, Trace pulled her roller from the wall. Lowering it, she stepped back and cleared her throat. “I’m sure it’s not entirely his fault.” She pushed her roller in the tray and loaded up more paint, inhaling as she methodically applied the layer. “I guess sometimes it comes down to the details. How could you tell you meant something to him? I’m curious. I could never tell with… well, with my last relationship.”
Heaviness churned in Haley’s chest. She hugged her knees and looked out the window at the trees whipping with the wind outside. “Little things. Everything. I guess it’s hard to say. He was just so easy to be with. Affection was natural and unforced. We could talk for hours about nothing and everything. And I’ve never had anyone look at me like he looked at me.” A chime at the doorbell startled her. “Sorry, it’s probably Patricia again. She has notoriously the worst timing. Even narrowly missed walking in on us once.”
Checking her feet were clear of paint, Haley dashed down the stairs and swung open the door.
On her front porch, markedly haggard with his hair in a spiraled mess around his cowlick, his brown eyes were weary, and his ancient USC t-shirt had a new rip in the hem. “Hey,” he said. His Mustang was parked in the middle of the driveway, not hidden in her garage like usual.
“Hey.”
“Can I come in?” He shoved his hands in his pockets as she desperately wished he’d reach for her, pulling her in for an urgent kiss like he had so many other times in her doorway.
“Sure. I’m, uh, painting, so I can’t visit long.”
He nodded. “I won’t stay. I just wanted to see if you were all set to head down to finalize the divorce, and to let you know I’ll be out of town for a few weeks.”
“Okay.” She nodded, her head bobbing like an idiot.
“I, uh, scheduled a few interviews. Got a call from USC too.”
“Wow, that’s great,” she said, heartily meaning it. “What is that, three teams now?”
“Yeah,” he said as he shifted his weight on his feet. “I’ve also got an interview with ESPN.”
“That’s so great.” She was turning into a bobble-headed agreeable moron. “Scott must be thrilled.”
He shrugged, his hands still wedged in his pockets. “He’s on cloud nine. Anyway, I’m trying to line them all up and get it over with. Lund, hell, he’d asked if he could put my name out there, and I suspect he actively advertised.”
Resisting the urge to hook her arms around his middle and not let go, she jammed her hands in her own pockets. “I’m glad you’re exploring all of your options. Will it make you happy, being in the football world however you can?”
“Honestly? I don’t know. I’m happy where I’m at, but Pops seems to think I can’t truly decide that until I see what all is out there, so I promised him I’d check it out.” His jaw ticked rapidly, clenching tight again.
Haley hated whatever weirdness was between them, but didn’t doubt they both realized they’d better pull back or they’d irretrievably fall in. “Aside from playing, if you could pick anything in the world, starting all over again, what would you do?”
“Hell, I don’t know.” His smile softened, his eyes rested on hers. “I genuinely don’t know. The last ten years have been a whirlwind. Great, but intense. The last few weeks, I feel like… I don’t know. Settled.”
Haley swallowed the thrill at his words, that she was what he wanted, also swallowing the bile, regretting that he wasn’t what she needed. And vice versa. She was so far off from being settled.
