Going through the motions of the day, sheflew on autopilot. If she stopped moving, let herself startthinking, she knew she would crumble. That’s what she gets forfalling in love. Reckless sport this love business was. No wonderAiden was so against it.
By closing time, Maddy appeared at her door,dressed in her uniform and seemingly ready for another night atwork. Without even saying hello, she flipped the sign to closed,locked the door and insisted, “Ronan’s coming back.”
Payson couldn’t tell who her friend wastrying to reassure. “Is he? He’s not coming back to this tiny town,to work as my handyman and shop-boy.” Payson barely managed to holdback the tears she’d been keeping at bay since morning.
“He’s just finishing up one last project thathe was working on before… before the accident. He’ll be back soon.”Payson appreciated her friend’s attempt, but she didn’t soundconvinced.
“He told me everything. I know he was shot inhis last mission and nearly died.”
Maddy walked her to the back door and helpedher lock up. She noted the mug of cold coffee still outside thedoor. Silently, knowingly, Maddy picked it up and dumped out thecoffee. She gently set the mug in Payson’s hands and watched as herfriend walked up the stairs. At Payson’s request, she didn’t followher up or stick around to talk about it.
She needed to be alone. Would be alone forthe rest of her life, might as well get started. After Ronan…
She couldn’t even finish her thought.Dragging her feet up the stairs, she unlocked the door and neatlyset the mugs in the kitchen sink. Steady, she walked the last fewpaces to her bedroom before throwing herself on her bed.
After the face plant, she finally releasedthe tears, the emotion she had been holding back all day. Gutwrenching sobs echoed through the room. She cried until there wereno more tears, heart so broken she couldn’t feel anything.
Even if he came back, how could she trust hewouldn’t disappear again? Stupid, stupid, Payson. Why did she haveto go and fall in love with an actual spy? She knew better thananyone what a foolish idea that was.
Hours, maybe days later, daylight streamedthrough Payson’s windows. She glanced at her phone, foolishlyhopeful. Nothing. Not a word from Ronan. She sent a group text tothe McAllisters, but none of his family had heard from himeither.
Another day went by, and then another. Shecontinued to make herself go through the motions of living butcouldn’t find the joy she normally did. Couldn’t find the optimismin the face of adversity that she prided herself on.
Rolling out of bed on day ten of no-Ronan,she was startled by the loud buzzing. Her doorbell rang once,twice. The invader put a key in the lock and started rustling inthe kitchen. Humming too.
Tossing on her bathrobe, she shuffled acrossthe apartment to the kitchen. A white bag from the coffee shopacross the street sat on her kitchen island, a tall coffee cup atthe side. Cara, her younger sister, stood in the kitchen, stillhumming as she tidied up the mess Payson had made when she decidedto binge eat last night. Her appetite was touch and go lately.
Cara acknowledged her finally. “Good morning,sleepyhead. Maddy assured me you might perk up a bit if I broughtyou muffins and a mocha from next door.”
Payson eyed her sister suspiciously. “How didyou know?” She struggled to open the bag, suddenly starving, buther hands were shaking too badly to open the bag without tearingit. Instead, she sat at the bar stool and put her hands in her lapto hide her emotion.
“I’d love to say I was coming to see youanyway, or that it was a sister’s intuition, but we’d both knowthat’s a bunch of bull.” Clanking and scrubbing dishes from thebinge dinner the night before, Cara sighed. “Maddy called me. Saidshe was worried about you. Broken heart.”
Biting her lower lip to fight the tears thatthreatened yet again, Payson looked at her younger sister. “I’msorry I didn’t call you myself. I guess I’m just used you being theone that needs me, of the lost little girl that needs protectionfrom anything serious.”
Scrubbing the already clean saucepan, Caracontinued her cleaning binge. Payson almost laughed at how alikethey were. Cara didn’t have her auburn hair, but she had hercope-by-cleaning habit - made a bit crazy looking by the intensegreen eyes.
“I know, and I understand. Whenever you getscared, you pull away. You love it in Seaview, I get that, but Iknow you also love having your own space.” She paused, the warmwater tinkling against the empty glass bowl she just washed.Inhaling deeply, she dove into the dirty pan that needed a goodcleaning, coating it with too much soap. “I never made it easy onyou.”
“You were barely eight when our parents died,and I was practically an adult. I should have pulled it togetherfor you.”
Realizing the pan was starting to lose itsfinish from her over-scrubbing, Cara set it into the drying rackand dried her hands. Leaning against the counter, she swallowed thelump in her throat. “You did. It took you a while, but you did.But, unlike Jen, you gave me space when I needed it, but alsokicked my ass when I needed it. Emotionally of course; you couldnever physically kick my ass.” The corner of her mouth turned up inher weak attempt at humor before continuing. “Once you got ittogether, you filled in Dad’s role where Jen filled in Mom’s.”
Chuckling at her sister’s competitive spirit,she let herself enjoy that she had something in common with atleast one of her sisters. Although, Cara at least had a sense ofhumor about it. “When did you get so… sensible?” Relaxing, shebroke a piece off her muffin and enjoyed the warm, butterycarbs.
“No idea, but I’m hoping to take care of youfor once. What happened? Maddy only told me her brother broke yourheart. According to Jen, you’re having a fling with some gorgeousstud that might be a stripper?”
Payson nearly choked on her muffin. Almostforgetting she was mad at Ronan, remembering how he’d come to herrescue quite creatively. “That was Ronan messing with her. He’squite normal, but Jen was being her usual overbearing self,insisting I should be compromising and settling down with someonerich and willing to procreate immediately.”
“That sounds like Jen. She was thrilled whenI broke up with Andrew. A professional snowboarder was not quitewhat she had in mind for me. Tell me about Ronan.”
Payson swallowed a bite of her muffin andfought the threatening tears again. “He’s everything I never knew Iwanted. Has an ego bigger than mine, a devilish smile that makes meweak in the knees, and an incredible work ethic.”
Pausing, she debated how much she could tellher sister. “Which is the problem. He worked overseas untilrecently, and something came up and he got called back to worksuddenly. Even he isn’t sure when or if he will be able to return,depends on how this project goes, I guess.”
Cara stole her last, lonely bite of muffinfrom the paper wrapping. “This is really good; I should have gottenmyself one.”
Payson scowled at her. The distractionhelped.
