“No, I know,” I whispered. “I can’t tell you where we go from here. I don’t know what’s next. Yell. Scream. Cuss me out. I deserve all of it. But I had to come here. I had to try and explain. Because I love you both. And I couldn’t live another day pretending like that didn’t matter.”
My voice broke on the next words. “This—you two—it was the only real thing I’ve ever had.” I stood there, breathing hard, waiting—bracing for rejection. Waiting tosee if love was enough to bring broken pieces back together. “And I know,” I said softly, “that technically… you didn’t fall in love with me.” Dalton looked up at that. Mac’s jaw clenched again. “You fell in love with Nicole Moore. A woman who doesn’t exist. A name on a file. A lie.”
My voice wavered, but I forced myself to keep going. “But the thing is… Nicky is more me than anything I ever was before. Nicky wasn’t fake. She was brave and loud and messy. She didn’t always play by the rules. She protected people. She laughed too hard, and she cursed too much, and she loved you both with every damn part of her. And yeah—her name was a cover. But everything else?” I touched my chest, placing a hand over my frantic heart. “Everything that mattered… that was real.”
My eyes met Mac’s, searching for a chink in the armor. “You helped me find her. You helped me findmyself. For the first time in my life, I wasn’t just surviving—I was living. And I can’t go back to who I was before I met you. I don’t want to.
“I’m not asking you to love Katie McGrady today. I’m not asking for anything at all. But I hope… maybe one day, you’ll see that Katie and Nicky aren’t that different. That underneath the badge and the lies and the fear, I’m still the woman who danced barefoot in your kitchen and stole your hoodies and made you laugh when you didn’t want to smile.”
Dalton’s eyes rose from the spot they had been burning into the floor, and I gave him a weak smile. “I just needed you two to know… I never wanted to hurt either of you. But I’d rather you hate me for the truth, than love me for a lie.”
I had been talking for so long, my throat was dry. I hadn’t planned on making some big ass speech. But, as it turns out, once I got going, I couldn’t stop. And there was one more thing I needed to say. I licked my drying lips,rubbed my wet eyes, and said a tad louder than I meant to, “And I really hope, one day, you’ll love me just as much as you loved her.”
Back home, I sat on the couch, elbows on my knees, fingers laced together, and staring at the floor. My chest still ached from everything I’d just said, from everything they hadn’t said back. The silence in the townhouse felt deafening. A knock at the door cut through it, and I jumped about ten feet out of my skin. For a second, I hoped it was one of them. Maybe both. But as I pulled the door open, my stomach dropped.
Holly. And Maria.
Fuck, I had meant to call them.
Holly’s hand was flexing like she was resisting the urge to deck me. Her eyes flashed with betrayal and fury. She didn’t wait to be invited in. She shouldered past me with enough force that it rocked me back a few steps. Maria followed behind her, slower. Her steps were hesitant. Her eyes… they weren’t angry. Just sad. Hurt.
I shut the door behind them, gently, like there was a bomb in the room and I wasn’t sure what would set it off. To be fair, the way Holly was looking at me, I had been around bombs that made me feel safer.
“What the hell were you thinking?” Holly glared at me, arms crossed, nostrils flaring. “Do you have any idea what you did to them? To us? You lied. For over a year. You played us.”
“Holly,” Maria said quietly, touching her arm.
“No. She needs to hear it,” Holly snapped, eyes never leaving me. “You don’t get to disappear and then come back like this, acting like you’re the victim.”
I held up my hands. “Hold up, I’m not. I’m not trying to be. I just—just listen for a second. Give me a chance to explain?”
Holly barked out a disbelieving laugh. “You want us to listen? After all the lies?”
My voice cracked. “I was doing a job—”
“A job?!” Holly cut in. “You made them fall in love with a lie! And not just them. Us.Us.I trusted you. I let you in. Maria taught you how to make fucking tamales and her kids call you Auntie, and you betrayed us all!”
Maria stepped between us, raising a hand. “Enough.” Her brown eyes met mine, and the thought that I had put some wall between us killed me. “Just… tell us. The short version. Please. ‘Cos I really don’t have the energy for some long-winded bullshit,chica.”
I swallowed hard, nodding. “My real name is Katie McGrady. I’m a detective. I was sent undercover to infiltrate the club. I didn’t know how far it would go. I didn’t expect to care. But I did. I fell in love—with all of you. With this life. With them. I didn’t fake that. Not for a second.”
Silence settled over the room. Holly turned away, pacing like a caged animal, biting down her next words. Maria’s shoulders sagged.
“And now?” she asked. “What now?”
“I turned in my badge,” I said softly. “I’m not going back. I want to stay, to still be a part of… everything. If you’ll let me.” Holly stilled and Maria just stared, eyes misting.
“Time,” Maria finally said. “They’ll need time. We all will.”
I nodded eagerly—that was an answer I could live with. They wanted time? I would give them all the time in the world. Hell, they could ask for the moon and I would do my best to bring it to them. Right now, I was willing to do just about anything to earn their forgiveness.
I glanced between them, then toward the kitchen like it might offer an escape. “Look,” I said, voice a little hoarse, “I know nothing I say can fix this. At least not right away. But maybe… maybe I could get us some takeout? My treat. And if you want, I can tell you about me. The real me.”
Holly raised an eyebrow. “You think some fucking cashew chicken is gonna fix a year of lies?”
I gave her a half-smile. “No. But it might make it easier to hear about the time I accidentally tasered myself chasing a guy in a Batman costume.”
Maria let out a small laugh, surprised, and even Holly’s scowl twitched. Just a little.
