I spent almost a month in that damn hospital. Nurse Stella became one of my new favorite people. Even when she was off duty, she made sure I was taken care of. Mac and Dalton doted on me, handling me with careful tenderness and seeing to my every need. When a nurse wasn’t readily available, Dalton helped me shower—every touch a sweet reverence to my battered body.
Mac, while less distant than I had grown accustomed to, was still emotionally disconnected from me. But he held my hand during every uncomfortable test and glowered at the doctors like it was their fault for doing their job. In his own way, through the walls around his heart, I could tell he cared fiercely, and I loved him deeply for it.
I was elated to finally be moved out of the ICU. One day, shortly after my lunch had been brought in, my door swung open to a flood of people. Rodney, his brother Robbie, Clint, Jackson, Diego, Tony, and a bunch of other Saints poured in. I greeted them all by name, smiling so big my face hurt. They came bearing flowers, chocolates, and even a couple of hand-drawn get-well-soon cards from their kids, which I absolutely cherished. It made me realize I had come to consider many of them family, a fact that had me sobbing into Nurse Stella’s arms later that night. She and a select few staff had been informed of my real identity. For the first time in months, I had someone to talk to, and she was a wonderful listener.
One day, after a particular grueling physical therapy session, Clint came in toting a massive stuffed fox and handed it over, looking very proud of himself.
“I know those two call you Vixen, so I hunted everywhere for that thing.”
I gave the old man the best hug I could manage, and a big kiss on the cheek despite the grumble that came from Mac. “I absolutely love it.”
Clint’s face turned cherry red, and I heard Rodney tease him about not being used to sweet words from a pretty girl.
Those two visited me regularly, complaining about each other’s cooking. They had started taking turns, and the general consensus was that Robbie couldn’t boil water without ruining it, while the only thing Cliff knew how to cook was burgers. Big shocker there. Mac kept a careful eye on me during their visits, and anytime I showed any sign of being tired, he would kick them out fast as a blink.
Maria and Holly were also regulars. The day before I was released, Maria handed me a key and announced, “You’re staying with me until you can find a new place. One closer to the clubhouse, and closer to all of us.”
“And one with less blood-red décor,” Holly joked. Maria frowned at her, but I laughed. You could always count on Holly for inappropriate jokes.
“Anyways,” Maria said, “you’ll also still need help getting around for a bit. Google says it’ll be a month or two before you can stand on your own without it feeling like knives in your belly.”
I grimaced—I’d read the same and wasn’t thrilled about it. Still, I protested, “You have three kids, Maria. I don’t want to burden you and Diego further.”
“Number one, you won’t be a burden. Number two, Holly has a fuck ton of stairs at her place. She and I have already talked about it—you’re staying with me.”
“Oh, well, if you two have made plans, it would be remiss of me to stand in your way.”
Maria smiled, and Holly winked at me. “Exactly. So, it’s settled then. Maria and I are going to her place to get your room ready. It’s currently a mix of bike parts and broken toys. Mac said he would drop you off tomorrow as soon as you are released.”
The night before I was to be freed from this hellscape, I sat alone in the too-still room. There was no laughter, no Maria telling Jewel to knock it off, no Dalton bickering with Mac over who brought better snacks, no Rodney yelling about cafeteria food. Just me, a dimmed overhead light, and a silence that left too much room for my thoughts. Molly the Fox sat on the chair beside my bed, a bright orange absurdity with a pink ribbon tied crookedly around her neck. My hand brushed over her soft fur, and I felt the sting behind my eyes come back with a vengeance.
But this time, it wasn’t my physical pain that made me feel so hopeless.
Before the tears could fall, the door creaked open. Stella didn’t say anything, just glided in with that calm, sure presence that never felt like an intrusion. She glanced around like she expected the room to still be full, then looked at me with a knowing tilt of her head. She didn’t ask if I was okay. She just walked over, fluffed a few pillows, and straightened Molly’s crooked bow. Her fingers were so gentle with it—like she knew that even fixing a stuffed fox meant something tonight. Then she looked at me and said, “Wanna talk about it?”
I opened my mouth to lie. To say I was fine. To default to the half-truths that had become second nature. But Stella knew the truth. She knew who I was. She had seen me act as Nicky, knowing I was Katie. If anyone would understand, it was her. This was my first chance in months to just… stop. Stop pretending. Stop lying. Stop being so fucking alone. So, even though I knew the risks, I swallowed hard and said, “I’m in love with two men.”
Honestly, I didn’t know where to start, so I just went with the first words that popped into my head. Stella’s eyebrows raised a touch, but she didn’t say anything—just sat on the edge of the bed and waited.
“I know I’m not supposed to be. Like, I went through all this training and I have this mission. I know the rules. Iknow it’s reckless. I know that when this is all over, I’m going to lose them both. And I may even lose my job.” I looked down at my bandaged hand, fingers curled slightly from the stiffness. “But I can’t help it. I thought I was solid as Katie. That I could keep my distance. Keep my focus. But somewhere along the line, I stopped pretending to be Nicky… and just started being her. I still want to take down the bad guys, but now I want more.”
The tears came, slow and hot. I hated crying, and I’d been doing a hell of a lot of it lately. But Stella didn’t flinch. She reached out and took my hand in both of hers, thumbs brushing lightly over my skin. It was like a dam had broken inside of me. I told her everything. How the club wasn’t full of monsters and mobsters, like I thought. The little inside jokes, the conversations at the dinner table, the way they were with each other.
I told her about Dalton, the first time I knew I was in love with him. How I thought Mac had hated me, keeping me at a distance. But when I realized the distance was just to keep the people he loved safe, I saw past his tough exterior to the heart of a really good man—and I found myself falling for him, too.
Stella just sat and listened, not saying a word until I was done.
“I get it,” she said quietly. “Sometimes we put on a mask… and then realize the mask fits better than we ever expected. Doesn’t mean the person behind it isn’t real. Just means you were more than one thing all along.”
I laughed—a broken, bitter sound. “Katie folds her socks and color-codes her closet. Nicky burns motorcycles and tells mobsters to go fuck themselves. How the hell am I both? They’re from two different worlds.”
“Are they?” she said simply. “Maybe, on the surface, they don’t look the same. But, if you dig a little bit deeper, you might find more similarities than you expected. At least from what I have seen.”
I couldn’t look at her. “They love her. Nicky. Theversion of me that’s bold and reckless and free. And when they find out who I am—what I’ve been doing—they’ll hate me.”
Stella squeezed my hand. “Maybe. Maybe not. But loving someone… really loving someone? Means you love the heart, not just the name. And I’ve seen the way those two look at you. That’s not something that disappears overnight. It’s not going to be easy, but love always does find a way.”
I let out a shaky breath. “I’m just so tired of lying.”
