We didn’t talk about our night together.
The ink bottle rolled, around and around.
A knock on the front door or the shop pulled me from my thoughts.
My heart thudded at the possibility it was Kacey, but it was Dena. I unlocked the door and let her in.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, as she gave me a hug. “Little late for a tattoo. But for you, I can make an exception.”
“It’s been too long,” she said. “And some conversations are too important for the telephone.”
She moved through the small shop to my station. She inspected the magazine, a smile spreading over her lips.
“This is magnificent,” Dena said flipping the pages. “You’re so talented, my friend.”
“Thanks,” I said. “Have a seat. What’s up?”
She sat down, and cocked her head at me, a knowing look in her eyes. I hadn’t spoken to Oscar in weeks either; it’d been easy not to. They’d gone back east to visit his family over the holidays.
“He feels terrible, you know,” Dena said. “He won’t admit it because he’s stubborn, but whatever was said between the two of you that night is eating him up.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “Good.”
Dena arched a brow, but then sighed and shook her head. “You’re right. I can’t defend him, except to tell you his ugly words were fueled by pain. He won’t talk about Jonah either, but I know he’s still hurting.”
Take a number, pal.
Dena leaned over her knees, elegant in dark jeans and a white blouse.
“I think he sees Kacey as less of a real human being, and more as the impetus for Jonah’s happiness. She came out of the ether to love him those last months. But the reality he saw the night of your graduation, is she’s a young human being, with a life ahead of her. With decades to live and love. It took him by surprise. It took us all by surprise. We had no idea something was happening with you and her.”
I sighed, ran my hand through my hair. “I don’t know what’s happening with us. I think we’re both hiding out, afraid of what people will think.”
She was quiet for a minute. “I know it’s been so hard for you since Jonah passed,” she said, her voice rich and soothing. “I know Kacey’s been a great comfort to you, and you for her. I’m glad for that. You know I worry about you.”
“You don’t have to worry about me. I’m good.”
“Mmm, yes, that’s exactly what Oscar says.” Dena grinned, but it faded over her next words. “We’ve all suffered from losing Jonah, but nobody was as close to Jonah as you and Kacey. I hope being together has brought you both some peace.”
“It doesn’t feel peaceful,” I said. “A lot of times it feels like a fucking mess.” I met her eyes unblinking, my voice sinking to just above a whisper. “Because he was my brother.”
Dena’s hand reached out to touch my arm. “I don’t see any wrong in this, Theo,” she said. “From the depths of grief and pain, something good and joyful growing? Where’s the shame?”
“Tell that to my mother. Or your husband.”
“Time is the great healer,” she said. “But you can’t put your life on hold until the rest of the world accepts what you know is true in your heart.”
“I know what’s true for me,” I said. “I don’t know what’s true for her. I can’t…talkto her. I try. I want to, and then I get close to her and I’m kissing her instead.”
Dena hopped off the chair and reached up to cup my cheek. “Don’t let another moment go by without telling her how you feel, Theo, and ask her how she feels. It’s both the simplest and hardest thing you’ll ever do, but ask her. Ask her as if no one is watching. Because in the end, it’s your life and hers.”
I walked her to the front of the store where she hugged me tight.
“Will I become a cliché if I quote my favorite poet one more time?”
“Lay it on me.”
“Where there is ruin, there is hope for treasure.” She gave me another of her knowing smiles. “It’s one of my favorites.”
