I laid there, with my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat steady, and waiting until he was ready.
“It’s not my baby.”
I wasn’t even sure I heard him correctly, let alone understood the words he’d just said. But once it sunk in, I popped up and stared at him, sure I must have misheard him.
“What?” I asked.
“She’s only four months along, so it can’t be mine.” He scrubbed a hand down his face. “And I know it’s fucking stupidthat I’m upset about that. I know I should be relieved, and I guess in a way I am, but…”
“Of course you’re upset.” I searched for the right words to let him know feeling mixed emotions about something like that was perfectly normal. “In your situation, I think anyone would be.”
He raised a brow. “Pretty sure most guys would just be fucking relieved.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, maybe shitty guys or those who don’t want kids. But that’s not you. You obviously want kids. And even though the situation wasn’t ideal, I know you were excited about the idea.”
“You’re not mad?”
“Mad?” I stared at him, confused. Why the hell would I be mad?
“Yeah, about me feeling disappointed I’m not having a baby with my ex.” He huffed. “God, even saying it out loud sounds ridiculous.”
“Are you disappointed because you want to get back together with her and now that won’t happen?”
He leaned up on his elbow and narrowed his eyes. “No, of course not.”
“Okay then.” I smiled. “I’m not mad.”
He shook his head with a chuckle. “Why is everything so easy with you?”
“Do you want me to be difficult? Make you feel bad about how you feel? That doesn’t seem like something a loving girlfriend would do, but if that’s what you need?—”
I squealed as he yanked on my arm, pulling me back down on top of him.
“Don’t be sassy.” He pressed his lips to my forehead. “I love you just the way you are.”
“Good.” I laid my head on his chest. “I’m sorry…about today.”
He was quiet and I glanced up at him. He looked back down at me, more indecision staring back.
“You want kids, right?” He searched my face for the answer I knew he was hoping for.
I was struck silent by his intensity. He didn’t even ease into that question. But I wouldn’t lie to him. “I wasn’t sure, honestly.” His face sagged with disappointment, and I quickly went on. “Until you told me Lucy was having your baby. And even though I was supportive, there was a large part of me that was jealous that she was getting to have this experience with you and not me. I can’t promise I want them tomorrow or anything, but with you, I do want that eventually.”
He smiled and pressed another kiss to my forehead.
After a minute, I sat up and grabbed his clothes off the floor and tossed them at him. “Get dressed.” I grabbed mine next. “I’ll be right back.”
“Why are we getting dressed?” he called after me. “We’re just going to get naked again.”
“You’ll see,” I called back from the top of the stairs before disappearing into my room to put on a bra and actual clothes. I smirked. Actually, maybe I’d forgo the bra and drive him nuts.
After putting on jean shorts and a tank top, I made my way back downstairs. He was dressed and waiting at the bottom of the steps with his arms crossed.
“Let’s go,” I said as I headed for the door and pulled it open.
He gripped the edge and his eyes flared as he zeroed in on my breasts. “Where are we going? And you’re not wearing a bra.”
“To get ice cream. And I’m aware.” I walked out onto the landing.
