My eyes fluttered closed and a soft moan escaped my lips. Between the hair pulling and neck kisses, it was hard not to get lost in sensation and forget the whole conversation thing.
I could feel both their hands skimming over my curves and skin. My head dropped back against Joriel’s chest while Abadon suckled at my neck.
Someone spun me around, and I opened my eyes a split second before Joriel’s lips crashed against mine. Behind me, Abadon rained kisses down my back while I opened to let Joriel deepen our kiss. A voice in the back of my mind screamed at me that I was in way over my head, but it was too late to back out now. I’d started this game, and I needed to see it through. I had to play by Hell’s rules.
At some point Abadon left, only to come back a minute later with a bottle of some kind of liquor. Whatever it was burned on its way down my throat. It didn’t taste anything like the wine I was used to drinking, and not in a good way. But it tasted better on Joriel’s tongue when we kissed.
The rest of the party went by in kind of a blur after that. I had no idea how much of the bottle we drank. I lost track of a lot of things. The minutes blurred together as Abadon led us through the room. There were drinks, cards, plates of food, and kisses.
Joriel never left my side. He was there to kiss me every time I won a poker hand. His hands steadied me when I stumbled in my high heels. He snuck sips of my drinks and food off my plate. And when I was too tired to stand anymore, it was his arms that lifted me off my feet and carried me while the world slipped away.
* * *
There werea thousand little hammers pounding on my skull. I opened my eyes and instantly regretted it. The light made everything hurt worse.
I rolled over and buried my face in the pillow. I was lying in a bed, but I wasn’t sure how I’d gotten here. My memories came back in flashes, and each one made me feel more horrified and sick. I couldn’t straddle the line between my morals and the customs of the Devil’s court. I’d utterly failed last night, at least that’s what I pieced together from what I remembered of the party at Abadon’s.
I groaned and forced my eyes open again. I wasn’t wearing my gown from the party anymore, which meant someone had changed my clothes. I ran my fingers over the soft fabric of the nightgown I was wearing, wondering if I could just go back to sleep and never wake up again. If I never left this bed, I couldn’t make a fool of myself again.
My gaze snagged on a note left on the other side of the bed, and I reached for it.
The tonic on the nightstand should help your head and stomach. Wait a few minutes after taking it, and then go to the third door down on the right from your room. If you need anything, you know where to find me.
—Roth
I stared at the glass on the nightstand. It was a small gesture, but it made me want to cry. I felt more taken care of in Roth’s house than I had since ever. I hadn’t needed people to take care of me when I’d lived in God’s court.
Letting the note fall back to the mattress, I bowed my head. I thanked God for putting Roth and Joriel in my life. And then I prayed for the original Fallen. I wasn’t sure how they all felt about the roles they’d played in the great war of Heaven. I didn’t know who among them wished me ill. And it didn’t matter. I finally understood the benefit of praying for your enemies. I didn’t believe the princes really were the enemy. It was sin that was truly to blame.
When I was done praying, I downed the tonic and changed into a pair of leggings and a sweater dress. Then I made my way to the room Roth had instructed me to find.
I stopped dead in my tracks when I opened the door. The room was full of canvases, paints, and brushes. I covered my mouth to stifle the swell of emotion. Roth didn’t know that I liked to paint. But Joriel did. I’d told him that I painted to deal with my feelings and work through my emotions.
For a minute I just stared at the room, trying to wrap my brain around the fact that it was real, that they’d done this for me. Tears stung my eyes, and I didn’t even try to hold them back. I’d never felt so loved by another person.
I spent the next however many hours filling canvases with color. I painted everything I felt, turning my thoughts into pictures.
A soft knock reminded me that there was a world outside of my head and the colors that filled my world.
I glanced toward where Joriel stood in the doorway.
“Hey,” he said softly. “How are you feeling?”
“You told Roth that I paint.”
Joriel gripped the back of his neck, looking nervous. “Um, yeah. I’m sorry if you didn’t want me to share that. I just thought it might help you… deal with everything.”
“Thank you.” I could feel moisture collecting in my eyes again. “This is the best gift I’ve ever gotten.”
“Then why are you crying?”
I smiled through my tears. “Because I’m overwhelmed. I’m sorry about last night.”
“You don’t have to apologize. You succeeded in getting us everything we went there to learn.”
“I don’t care. It wasn’t worth it if it bothered you.”
His brows climbed up his forehead. “Who said it bothered me?”
