“Wings take months to grow back under the absolute best circumstances. Here you have no tonics, no healers, and the very air is working against you. I wouldn’t be surprised if it takes a year for them to fully grow back.”
I nodded, trying not to let my dismay show.
“How did it happen?” he asked, leaning back against the wall. “You said something about trusting the wrong person.”
“He was an ambassador who visited the palace. No one ever told me where he was an ambassador from. Honestly, I still don’t understand that part. His visit was a huge deal. The Father had a list of angels who were and weren’t allowed to be in the great hall when he arrived. According to Paras, I was requested specifically to be there. When the ambassador came out of his meeting with the Father, he looked right at me. I guess it was stupid, but I felt drawn to him.” A rush of embarrassment flooded through my body, making my skin prickle uncomfortably.
By the time I’d finished forcing out everything that had happened with Roth and then Soneillon, my skin felt like it was on fire and I couldn’t look at Joriel. Giving voice to all the choices I’d made when it came to Roth made my naivety glaringly obvious. Even if he hadn’t turned out to be a grand prince of Hell, I’d been foolish to trust him so easily and completely.
“He lied to you,” Joriel said through gritted teeth.
“That’s the thing—he didn’t.”
“There’s more than one way to lie.”
He was right, but I’d still played a part in my demise. I’d trusted a stranger without knowing his story or who he was.
To distract myself from thoughts of Roth, I reached for the hem of my dress and tore a strip of cloth off. I cleaned the blood off my hands and arms and then handed it to Joriel.
TEN
Joriel
I curledmy hand into a fist at my side where Laila couldn’t see it. It was taking way more effort than it should have to not reach out and touch her.
She’s not yours,I reminded myself for what had to be the hundredth time since I’d had her in my arms.
I was still sure I could feel her blood and fire pumping through my veins, infiltrating my heart. She was literally under my skin, but that didn’t change anything. I still didn’t have a soul, was still only one wrong move away from becoming a monster. She’d already pulled me back from the edge once.
I could have hurt her. Ididhurt her. Her neck still had faint marks from the last time I’d touched her. Which was why I wasn’t allowing myself to do it again.
“If you could live anywhere, where would it be?” Laila asked, oblivious to my internal struggle.
“Earth,” I answered without hesitation.
She looked up, surprise crossing her face. “Really?”
“Yep. What about you?”
“I don’t think I can answer that. I haven’t seen enough places. I loved living in God’s court, but I’ve only ever lived there and here, so…”
“So the answer is pretty obvious.”
“Yeah. Roth showed me this village in Heaven that was stunning, but I don’t know if I’d want to live there. I know there’s more to a place than its outward appearance.”
I ground my teeth. I hated it when she called the demon who was responsible for her being in this hellholeRoth. Like they’d been friends before he’d betrayed her in the worst possible way. I’d prefer she only ever called him the Prince of Theft.
“Why would you choose Earth?” she asked.
“Because it’s flawed. It’s full of people who are just trying their best to make it through their human experience. I’m not going to lie—humans suck, but they’re also beautiful. I see what Father sees in them, why He couldn’t bring Himself to get rid of them all.”
Laila grinned at me, her smile lighting up my cell, and for a second I forgot we were in the middle of Hell. Only that was a wish that could never come true.
No matter how alive she made me feel, Laila couldn’t give me back my soul. She couldn’t save me. All that would come of a friendship between us would be more pain for her.
“Joriel?” She was frowning at me. “Are you okay?”
I wanted to laugh. Of course I wasn’t okay. I was one demon visit away from becoming something I hated, and if she didn’t stay away from me, she’d be the collateral damage when the monster took over, when there really wasn’t anything left inside me to save.
