Joriel
How long doyou think it takes to break when you’re left alone in a cold dim cell to rot? As bad as the visits from the demons were, I think it was the time between those visits that really fucked with my head. If you’ve never been through it, you can’t imagine how it feels to be chained in a rock prison with no changes in light, no fresh air, and no one to help you out of the dark places your head goes.
I didn’t know how long it had taken to get to me, when I’d given up on the person I’d been before Lucifer claimed my soul. At some point I stopped thinking about my brothers and sister, stopped holding on to my memories. What was the point? I wasn’t ever getting out of here, and it took so much effort to remember.
But there was more to breaking than letting go of who I was back when I’d had a soul that belonged to God. As time went on, I could feel the darkness creeping just under my skin.
In the year after I’d made my deal with Lucifer, a solid black tattoo had slowly spread over my flesh, marking the time I had left before he’d collect my soul. It had started at my toes and moved slowly up my legs, but it had moved faster as time went by. That’s what the darkness felt like, a beast that was slowly getting stronger and spreading through my body. I could feel it scratching at my control, and I knew it was only a matter of time before I couldn’t keep it caged anymore.
I wasn’t sure what the darkness was exactly, if it was something that came from inside me, like the compulsion to sin, or if it was something that had infected me since I’d gotten here. Either way, it was strong, and no matter how I tried to hide it and lock it away deep down where it couldn’t destroy me, I knew I would eventually lose the battle.
Maybe I had years, maybe centuries, or maybe I only had months. Eventually the darkness would win. In some ways, it already had.
I wasn’t the same person my family knew and loved. I hated how much I’d changed already. I could feel myself becoming the soulless monster I’d once warned Sam about when I made him promise to chain me up if I ever got to a point where I was dangerous to the people around me.
Most of the time I was grateful for the chains that kept me in my cell, especially since Laila continued to visit me regularly. I didn’t trust myself around her.
She was everything soft and innocent andgood. My little snow angel. She would be so easy to ruin. She deserved someone who could protect her from my darker side. The person I’d once been could have done that for her. He’d have been patient and kind. But he didn’t understand what Hell was like. He would have comforted Laila and never known that the nightmare was just beginning for her.
The part of him that still existed somewhere in my ragged excuse for a heart felt bad about what I’d said to her when she’d been here earlier. There was no point in regretting it though. She needed to hear the truth no matter how much it sucked. I hated what I’d become, but that did nothing to change the cold hard facts. I was losing my battle against the darkness, and someday all that would be left of me was the monster the demons were creating. No memories, no past, no love.
Laila couldn’t lean on me forever, and I hoped my latest warning had finally gotten through to her. I understood the desire for contact with another person, to talk and be listened to. God only knew her presence made me feel more alive than I had in a long time. But it was all temporary. She couldn’t save me. And she needed to learn how to survive this place without me.
I wasn’t sure how long it had been since she’d left my cell. Was it longer than she’d been away before? Was she finally not coming back? My heart lurched in protest at the thought. The selfish part of me didn’t want to lose her brightness, the color she brought into my life.
Maybe if I’d met her earlier, she could have been my guiding light. Maybe if the darkness poisoning my veins hadn’t taken hold already, I still could have been saved.
Time crawled by, each second lasting an eternity… Or maybe not. I had no idea how much time passed and no good concept of it anymore. It could have been hours since Laila left, or it could have been days.
When I heard the footsteps approaching, I couldn’t stop my heart from jumping in my chest as hope blossomed to life. And then the footsteps really registered. They were too heavy to be Laila’s, and the sound of the shoes against the rock floor couldn’t have been made by the thin-soled sandals she wore.
I wasn’t sure if the demon who came into view was one I’d seen before or not. He had long dark hair pulled back in a tie, and he was dressed in a suit.
“You look disappointed,” he said conversationally, but his eyes were narrowed. “Were you expecting someone else?”
Ice lodged in my gut at his words. I couldn’t let him find Laila. Only there was nothing I could do to stop him from doing whatever he wanted.
I kept my expression as unaffected as possible. “Well, I wouldn’t say I’m happy to see you. I hope you weren’t expecting a welcome party.”
The greater demon studied me for several seconds before snapping his fingers. Low-ranking demons seemed to materialize out of the shadows, half a dozen of them.
I didn’t look at them. I kept my eyes fixed on their master as hands grasped at my arms and hauled me to my feet. Chains wound over my bare arms and pulled tight, spreading my arms out to the sides. I didn’t break my stare when the chains were wrapped around my chest and ribs, securing me so I couldn’t move an inch without them cutting into my skin.
This routine was getting tired, and I wanted the greater demon to know it. I’d meant what I said to Laila when I thought she was a demon. I was getting used to being their plaything. It was starting to lose its effect.
The lesser demons backed off when they’d finished restraining me so their master could do whatever he wanted to me.
I grinned at him as he walked closer. “Waiting until your enemy is defenseless before you get within ten feet of me. How brave of you.” I didn’t normally antagonize the demons who came to visit. That had always been more my brothers’ style than mine. Normally I stayed quiet and took whatever they did as stoically as possible. But the game had changed now that I had Laila to think about and not just myself. I needed all of this demon’s attention on me. And I’d play every card I had to make that happen.
The demon bared his teeth at me before unbuttoning his suit jacket and producing a vial from the inside pocket. I wasn’t surprised when a dark knife materialized in his hand a moment later.
It had been a while since they’d taken blood from me. The last time was before Laila.
I pushed her image out of my head. We’d both be better off if I forgot she existed.
The demons had left the collar around my neck when they’d chained me, so I couldn’t turn my head to watch the demon cut into my arm. But I felt my energy draining out with my blood. When the vial was full of black liquid, he pocketed it.
“Marbas.” A voice cut through the murky haze that clouded my thoughts.
