Soneillon didn’t answer, but I didn’t really need him to. I might not understand how a former angel could have become so corrupted and twisted, but I’d seen the look in his eyes. There wasn’t any question that he hated me, that he wanted to cause me as much misery as he could.
He’d said he wanted to dirty me up. I just hadn’t expected that to mean coating my skin with my own blood.
Distantly, I was aware of Soneillon’s footsteps moving farther away from me. Apparently he was done with me. Either that or he’d be back to introduce me to some other horror.
I closed my eyes and let the darkness have me. Maybe I’d get lucky and I’d wake up back in Heaven. Was it possible to die from having your wings brutally ripped from your body?
FIVE
Laila
Everything hurt.My back ached and burned with every breath I took, my limbs felt as heavy as if they’d been filled with lead, and my head pounded like it wanted to split open down the middle. The stone underneath me was hard and cold, which could’ve had something to do with the overall ache in my body.
It took me a second to remember where I was and why I felt so horrible.
Roth, Soneillon, my wings. It all came flooding back like a nightmare you’d rather just forget. I pressed my palms into my temples as if I could physically hold my head together or, better yet, push all the memories out of it. Not that it would help. The memories weren’t the problem. My current situation was.
Bracing my hands on the stone floor, I slowly pushed up to my knees. The cavern was still lit by lamps that were just barely winning the fight against the darkness. Without windows, it was impossible to know how long I’d been here.
I bowed my head and closed my eyes. I’d never felt so alone before. I’d neverbeenalone before. Even the moments in my room or when I’d wandered in God’s court by myself, I could always hear evidence of others nearby, could feel His physical presence. I’d always been so close to Him that it was impossible to doubt that He was with me.
My tears felt hot against my cheeks in the chill of the room. They flowed freely while I prayed with a desperation I never had before.
When I’d run out of words, I let my tears be my prayer, but eventually it was clear that God wasn’t sending an instant solution. He wasn’t going to reach down and pluck me out of Hell.
It hurt, but I forced myself to my feet. I couldn’t stay here. I was still a living, breathing being, and since I was no longer in Heaven, there was a possibility that things like food and water weren’t optional for me anymore.
If I stayed here, would death claim me and take me home? How long would it take for my body to fail if I just curled up on the cold floor?
A wave of shame crashed over me as soon as I thought it. How would I be able to face the other angels or the humans who’d passed if I gave up now without even trying? Hadn’t I just been envying the humans their earthly journeys?
It had been so easy when we were all in the great hall to look at them and long for their perspective. It was easy to want what they had, but it was harder to live through what they’d lived through to get it. I’d been so naive it was almost comical.
I sucked in a shaky breath and looked around the cavern. There had to be a way out of here. And if there wasn’t, well at least I’d know I tried. That I hadn’t just curled up in a ball and died.
* * *
Every stepI took through the endless rock caves seemed to take a monumental effort.
I’d heard all the human theories about Hell. The whispers about fires that burned without killing and demons who tortured the condemned.
None of their theories had prepared me for this reality. There were no fires—other than the torches that hung on the walls and lit the caves with an orangey glow—and since Soneillon left, there hadn’t been anyone to physically torture me. Instead, what I’d seen of Hell was lonely and cold.
I was fairly sure the equivalent of several human weeks had passed since I’d left the cavern, but it might have just felt that way. My food-and-water theory appeared to be proving false. I hadn’t found any source of food or water in my rock prison, and I’d yet to die.
I felt like I’d been buried in a place where no one could reach me. Here, love was a memory that I could feel slipping through my fingers, as impossible to hold on to as water.
And it hurt. It hurt so much.
Did my parents miss me yet? Had Jonah looked for me? I wondered how long it would take for them to realize I was no longer in God’s court. Would they worry about me? Even if they did, what could they really do? It wasn’t like they could come down here and save me.
I was on my own.
Gritting my teeth, I pushed away thoughts of everyone I’d left behind and focused on putting one foot in front of the other.
With my eyes glued to the ground, I failed to notice that I wasn’t alone until I heard the clink of chains against rock.
My gaze snapped up and connected instantly with a pair of blue eyes. I sucked in a breath as I took in the rest of him. Matted dark hair hung over his bare shoulders. He was shirtless, wearing only a pair of ripped pants that might have been blue at one point but were now stained with so much black it was hard to be sure. Cuts and scars marred almost every bit of skin that I could see, including through the holes and tears in his pants. Some of the cuts were still leaking black blood.
