This is no one’s fault but my own.
“No, he didn’t, and there’s no way you could have known,” I admit, but that doesn’t change the fact I’m having a literal panic attack. Nothing makes sense, and every time I calm down enough to try to think, the dread sinks back in. “His kraken has been on edge for a while. I just thought he had better control over his beast.”
“You knew Laz was struggling with containing his monster’s urges, and you still taunted him about planting his eggs?” Saber’s eyes narrow. “I was starting to feel sorry for you, but it sounds like you knew exactly what you were doing.”
“I don’t need or want your pity,” I hiss.
He can judge me all he’d like, but it wasn’t like I was thinking clearly.
Kraken secrete a special type of seminal fluid that supercharges desire. Not to mention, my quickening is sneaking up ridiculously fast.
“It’s my quickening. It came out of nowhere this time. I can’t be a mother…” I mean to go on, but my voice breaks.
I’m not ready.
I don’t even know how to love myself. How could I possibly love a child and get it right?
What if I end up like her?
What if I don’t have the capacity to love children because no one ever loved me?
“You can’t or you won’t?” Saber growls. “You could just incubate the eggs for Laz. He’s clearly at a place where he’s ready for a family. Hell, I wasn’t an egg, but it’s what my mother did for me. She gestated me for nine months and passed me off to my father when I was three days old. You won’t even have to see the babies. If you incubate them, they’ll be birthed as eggs.”
I get what he’s saying.
Laz has told me all about the two types of ways kraken reproduce.
The first is if a female incubates the eggs without accepting them as her own. They would be little, mini duplicates of Laz. Not exact replicas, but they would be born male and not have any fae DNA from me. The incubator gives birth to the eggs, and the kraken takes over care until they hatch.
The second is if my body was to accept them. Then there would be a chance they could be born female, and the shell would weaken to absorb my DNA. It would act as a placenta as they grew and would lead to live births rather than giving birth to eggs.
They would truly be a combination of Laz and me.
Perfect little half-fae, half-kraken fledglings that I would have no idea how to care for.
“Look, does it matter?” Saber asks. “The eggs will degrade and become unviable if they aren’t fertilized. So just don’t let him fertilize them, then you can both move on and pretend this never happened.”
Something deep inside me revolts at that thought. I’m pretty sure I’m carrying three eggs. Each one takes five years for his kraken to produce. That’s so much time for Laz’s body to have nurtured them. His kraken has housed and protected them, waiting for the person he would trust enough to pass them off to.
And he chose me…
I don’t think Laz would ever forgive me.
Could you ever forgive yourself?
No, probably not.
“He’s going to hate me,” I whisper, fighting back the tears that ache to fall.
“Nah.” Saber pats my arms awkwardly. “He’s far too in love with you for that, but you need to talk to him.”
Hell no.
There is no way I can talk to Laz.
It might be time to leave Haven altogether.
Everyone here loves Laz—rightfully so.
