I hate the quiet. It gives me time to think about things I’d rather not. Like Nana’s cancer and my mother choosing drugs over me and Robbie. Her doing that always made me think I wasn’t enough, that I was lacking in some fundamental way. Maybe that’s why I refused to take off my blinders when it came to Joseph. I looked past so many red flags. I’m so stupid. How could I not see who he was behind the flashy smile and boy next door persona?
Turning on the TV, I settle on the Food Network channel. Maybe it’ll give me some new ideas. Nana’s appetite isn’t great, so when I can tempt her with something and she actually eats, it’s a huge win for me.
I sit on the couch and try to focus on the show, but it’s useless. My mind keeps going back to the phone call with Joseph two weeks ago. The things he said to me…the names he called me…where is the boy I fell in love with? He was like a stranger when we talked. He’s never used that tone with me before. It actually rattled me. Even Nana noticed something was wrong. I told her I broke up with him and she chalked my mood up to me being sad, but it’s more than that. He scared me a little with his anger.
How had I never seen that anger before? I mean he’s aggressive on the football field, but that’s expected. It’s football for God’s sake. The men who play are brutal. But that never filtered over into our relationship. He was just always so sweet and considerate. His cheating notwithstanding, I never thought he was capable of that kind of anger toward me or any woman for that matter. His mother raised him and his brothers right. Or so I thought.
The doorbell rings and I glance out the window to see Joseph’s dad’s truck sitting in the driveway. I didn’t hear him pull up. I’m not sure I want to open the door, not after that phone call.
“Daisy, I know you’re home. Your car is here and the TV’s on. Let me in, please. I want to apologize for our last phone call.”
That sounds more like the Joseph I know, but still, I’m hesitant. That anger…it really threw me. I’m not sure he should come inside the house.
“Please, Daisy? I’m really sorry. I was drunk and we’d just lost a game and I wasn’t myself. Please let me apologize. Please?”
One angry, drunken phone call doesn’t undermine the years I’ve known him. Getting up, I unlock and open the door. He’s standing there with daisies in one hand and a pizza in the other wearing a sheepish grin on his face.
“Can I come in?”
“Sure.” I stand back and let him enter. He puts the pizza on the coffee table and holds out the daisies to me. I really don’t like them, but he always got them for me because he said they reminded him of me. And not just the name. He said they were resilient and quietly beautiful, just like me. How could a girl tell him she doesn’t like them when he gave her reasons like that? Certainly not me.
Taking the flowers, I set them on the table by the door. I’ll throw them away later because like I said, I don’t like them.
“Hungry?” he asks and points toward the pizza.
“No, I ate earlier.”
“You’re still mad.”
His brown eyes are shining with regret as he runs a hand through his dark hair. It’s almost black, but there’s enough lighter streaks in it to call it a dark brown.
“Shouldn’t you be at school or something?”
“I should be, but I wanted to come talk to you. I’m flying back tonight so I don’t miss practice. Coach will bench me if I go UA.”
“UA?”
“He was in the military and he uses a lot of those terms and abbreviations. It means unauthorized absence.”
“Then you really should have stayed in Texas. You’ll get in trouble.”
“Nah, you’re worth missing a game or two for.”
I’m worth… “What are you doing here, Joe? Really?”
“To apologize and to say I was stupid and I went a little wild when I got to college. I cheated and that is unforgivable, but I am sorry for all of it. And especially for that phone call. You didn’t deserve that, Daisy, and I’m appalled at my behavior. I was hurting and I took it out on you when you’re the one who has every right to their anger, not me.”
“Apology accepted, but I think you should go.”
He frowns. “I want to talk about us, though.”
“There is no us, Joe. The minute I found out about the cheating, I was done.”
“I know I did stupid things when I went to college…”
“No, it wasn’t just when you went to college. You cheated on me all through high school. Did you think I wouldn’t find out? Well, I did. Amazing how my so called friends were quick to tell me all about your cheating when I finally saw the pictures. You were smart enough to keep them all off your social media, but you forgot we have a lot of the same friends, including the guys who followed you to Texas.”
He sighs. “That was a long time ago.”
