But even as I think that, my eyes prick harder with tears.
He’s giving me the biggest room, and by telling me he’s already got his room on a different floor, he’s reinforcing that this is friendship based and that he won’t try anything.
Why does he have to be so nice?
“Isla sent over some clothes for you. They’re in the closet. I’ll leave you to get some rest. I’ll be here if you need me, but otherwise, take all the time and all the space you need.”
“Thank you, Ilya,” I whisper.
I gulp as he stands on the threshold, not coming in. I cross toward him and take the door.
“Good night.” I close the door in his face, an act of unforgivable rudeness.
But I have to, because the moment the door shuts, the dam breaks and the tears flow.
I stumble to the walk-in closet, pulling out the comb and stripping off the dress, and grab a T-shirt.
Then I throw myself onto the bed, my emotions taking over. I should be with Max.
I cry until I can’t cry anymore, and then I get my phone and scroll through old photos of me and Max together. Max is gone. I can’t bring him back, and losing him hurt so much.
The thought of that happening again, of exposing myself and my heart to pain and loss all over again, is too much.
If I let myself care more about Ilya than I do now, I’d never survive losing him. Even now, I’d be completely devastated.
But to let us be something?
It’s too much. And even though it’s not on the table, I have to make sure it stays that way.
No matter what, I have to protect my heart from that kind of pain again.
Chapter Ten
ILYA
I rub my eyes,half listening to Pavel as he reports on today’s collections and shipments for the Yegorov Bratva.
My ear bud’s in, and the door’s locked to my grandfather’s study. I find the chair behind the desk more comfortable than the ornate sofa, and I half suspect that’s on purpose.
“Will you be in tomorrow?” Pavel asks, the man who’s proven himself to be loyal, talented, and indispensable over the past two-plus years.
I’ve half a mind to steal him to help here, too.
Too.
The word sits in my mind, loaded.Too. What does that mean? I’m going to run this alongside Demyan and share resources? It happens. Bratvas sometimes operate so closely that they could be considered the same. Others get absorbed, and others still have major differences while forming strong alliances.
The problem here is with the already setup allies. Yegorov sometimes clashes with some players in certain arenas. And many of the Yegorov allies are even bigger antagonists to many of Belov’s allies.
It’s a logistical nightmare.
I know I can’t let Demyan down. If I’m completely honest, my loyalties are there, not here.
But this has potential.
I’m the new pakhan. I can reshape.
A job someone like Pavel would be perfect for.
