“Well,” she says, “you know what they say about mountains… If you can’t go to the mountain, get the mountain to come to you.”
I laugh. “That’s not what they say.”
“How do you know? They say lots of things.” Isla lowers her voice, turning serious. “Call him and keep calling until he answers. Tell him you want to see him and work it out from there. Your brother, no matter who he is or how powerful he is, shouldn’t have any control over your life, and you know it.”
“I wish it was that easy.”
She sighs. “It is, sweetie. It is. Boundaries exist for a reason. If you told your brother you’d cut him out of your life, I bet he’d back down.”
Or double down.
But she’s right. Eventually, Demyan would back down.
But his version of backing down may not be hers. Or mine, for that matter. In her little scenario, he’d back down and open his arms. In mine, he’d back down and then close himself off. I’d be part of his life, but on the periphery.
Isla doesn’t know Demyan like I do.
I’ve seen him at his worst. Thing is, he’s never directed that at me.
It’s hard to navigate.
All I want is to see Ilya.
To be with him.
“I’ll call tomorrow,” Isla says. “Got to get back to things if I’m going to pick up Maize from my mom’s on time. She’s got a tango class or something to go to, so I can’t be late.”
“Say hi to your mom, and give Maize a big hug for me.”
“Do it yourself next time you see her.” She laughs. “But I will. Call him.”
When she hangs up, Albert looks at me, shifting so his paws are on my thighs. Then he rests his head on them when I don’t move. I stroke his soft fur, the sweet dog soothing me just by being here. Being him.
“I love you, Albert,” I whisper.
He lifts his head and yawns up at me, which I take as an “I love you, too.”
Finally, I gather the nerve to call Ilya again.
This time, he answers.
“Alina?” The careful way he says it hurts.
“Ilya, you’re picking up.”
His breath sounds against my ear, and I press the phone tighter, wishing I had my AirPods, wishing I’d thought to do FaceTime.
“Malyshka,” he murmurs, his voice warm and soft and full of everything I need. “I thought maybe it was Demyan.”
“No, I have my phone again. Didn’t you hear my message the other day?”
“I did. I just… Shit, Alina, I’m sorry. For it all.”
“For marrying me?”
“Yes, no. How can I regret that? I should, because if I’d been less selfish, you’d have never been kidnapped and?—”
“Ilya.” I look up at him. “You couldn’t have stopped me. Any more than you could have stopped me from caring for you.” From loving him. I close my eyes. “Thank you for bringing Albert, but next time, take me to him so we’re all together instead.”
