“So can I.”
“So can we all,” he says, “but my question is, are you wrong here? Are you rolling over for reasons you don’t want to face?”
I frown and take a swallow of coffee. Am I doing that? Rolling over and giving up for the reasons Isaak’s suggesting?
Thing is, I don’t know. Maybe. But placating Demyan isn’t the reason if I am. It’s the surface excuse. If I am rolling over, then it’s for Alina, to keep her safe.
But my head’s starting to pound again to be anywhere near clear.
Isaak sets his cup down, crosses to a drawer next to the sink, and rummages until he pulls out a bottle of pills.
He tosses them to me. “Take two.”
I catch the ibuprofen. “How…?”
“Svetlana gave me two pills from the bottle yesterday morning.”
He drains his cup and motions for me to do the same.
He makes us another round, then he points out the door to the hall. “Go and get changed. We’re hitting the gym.”
After the workoutand my shower, I feel better. Clearer now. The workout ridded my body of toxins, and the painkillers kicked in to topple the hangover.
I’m clear enough to admit Isaak’s right.
The dynamics have changed, and I’m not sure how to navigate them. It’s easier to step back than to try and figure out how to handle the new structure of relationships between myself, Demyan, and Alina.
I don’t want the fallout to hurt me and Demyan. He’s family to me. And this shows me exactly how big a lie that is. Like family, but not family.
We’re close friends, maybe best friends, but it’s a different friendship dynamic to me and Isaak.
Thing is, we changed a little when Erin came along. I embraced her and Sasha. Who could ever reject them? But I stuck with Demyan through his struggles there.
I guess I expected the same.
But it isn’t.
Alina isn’t a girl he met through me. She’s his sister. It’s an immediate complication, which I knew.
Now things have shifted and can’t ever go back, not even if it’s over between me and Alina.
I need to work that out with Demyan, for my sake and his. And above all, for Alina’s sake.
As for her…she looked at me with love and trust when I found her. She clung to me like I was important to her. Like Max once was. We’re different, him and me, but this woman’s heart is so big that she can still love the memory of the man who loved her. And, thrillingly, she can love me. I hope with all her heart.
If I bow to Demyan’s will, placate him, I’m doing Alina a disservice, treating her like she’s property. And she isn’t.
Demyan’s happiness should never come before hers.
It’s not fair to her, or to me. And ultimately, it won’t be fair to Demyan. His sister will end up resenting him.
Alina’s the most important player here.
And she’s been through so much, put everything on the line to be all in for me. She even made peace with her ghost of Max. I see that in her now. I knew that the moment she wanted more from me. When she opened to me completely.
She put everything on the line. For me.
It would be an asshole move not to fight for her.
