I look at him. “What are you doing, Demyan?”
At my quiet tone, he frowns. “Waiting with you.”
“I don’t want you to stay,” I say. “You can’t. I know how much you pay this hospital, but a patient’s a patient, and since I’ve been admitted against my will, my needs come before yours. You aren’t good for my calmness.”
“I’m not trying to upset you,” he mutters. “I’m here as your brother. I caught you?—”
“Thank you for that. But…I don’t want you here, not until you fix things with Ilya first.” I blow out a breath and look into his pale-blue eyes. “I can’t handle this anymore. It’s not good for me or the baby.”
“As I said, I’m not here to upset you. You’re my sister, and I love you.”
“And I love you.” I swallow over the lump in my throat. “But I need to focus on what’s important right now, important for me and my future. And that’s my health and the baby’s health.”
I pause and choose my next words carefully. “And the health of my relationship, my marriage with Ilya. I’m not stressed with him. I am with you. And I need to do what I can to keep my stress level down.”
“I’m sorry,” Demyan says.
“I don’t need an apology. Ilya does, and you know it.”
Demyan gets up, runs a hand over his face.
“I’ve been hard on Ilya. I’ll allow that. But only because I’ve had to be everything. Mother, father, brother, the person who had to make sure you’re better than me, better than us all. Mainly because you are, Alina.
“And maybe under all that responsibility,” he says, “I got lost under the weight. Don’t get me wrong. I love you, and raising you wasn’t a chore at all. But it comes with so much, and I need to protect you. That’s in my job description.”
I mull his words and slowly nod. “I get that. I do. But…protect me from what? Ilya? You and I both know you don’t need to do that. He’s a good man, the best. What you demand of others, you demand of yourself, and if for one second you actually thought Ilya was even a little like how you’ve portrayed him lately, he’d never have been in your life in the first place.”
“Protecting you is a crime?”
I laugh softly. “No, Demyan. And I get it. I do. But don’t you think I’ve been through enough? You say I’m better than you and our family? If that’s true, why give me more grief?”
“Because…” He stops. Then he shrugs. “Because letting go is hard, Angel. I don’t ever want to lose you.”
“Idiot.” My voice chokes as my vision blurs. “How would you do that when we’re talking about Ilya and me? You have us both already. Nothing’s lost. Not unless you push me away, because I’ll take him with me.
“That’s the thing about him. He’s fiercely loyal. He’s good, and he’ll still be by your side no matter what. Unless I make him see cutting ties is best for me and our baby’s well-being. Be the great friend and brother I know you are. And the great uncle I know you will be.”
Demyan shakes his head and paces for a few minutes.
Then he stops. “Fuck, when did you get so wise?”
“Since always.”
“You’re right, Angel. And I’ll fix it with Ilya.”
“Good.” I lie back down.
He comes in close, his gaze grave. “But I can’t promise things will be the same.”
“That’s on you. If you can look at him the same, he will, too. Ilya’s a good man.”
“I might have gone too far.” He pulls out his buzzing phone and then shoves it away again.
What I’d like is for someone to get Albert and bring him to me, but Magda and Olga are there. Once they get him out of hiding, no doubt they’ll spoil him. But that’s not like having him here.
Just Albert and Ilya. That’s all I want.
Demyan mutters something about it just may not be the same. It’s on the tip of my tongue to correct him, to tell him that he’s wallowing in guilt, that if he can get back to where they were, Ilya will, too.
