After that, every time Jordan and I hooked up, he asked me what I liked. Slowly, I opened up more. I told him that I liked it when he talked dirty. I whispered that he could be rougher. That he could pull my hair and call me a slut and fuck my mouth like I was nothing but a toy.
I’d been prepared for him to be weirded out, but he wasn’t. He never judged anything I was into — in fact, he seemed to love how much I loved it. When he fucked me hard and I couldn’t stop the moans escaping my mouth, he told me I sounded so hot. Every time he degraded me, he praised me too. I was his cumslut, but also his baby. I had a mouth made for cocksucking, but the prettiest lips he’d ever seen.
In the past, sex had been a somewhat awkward thing. I would feel self-conscious about my body, or feel too shy to express what I wanted. It was different with Jordan. I felt free. He never judged me, ever.
After our second ever hookup, where he’d been more rough than the first time, he’d pulled me close and peppered my hair with kisses.
“What are you doing?” I asked, because it felt like he was being overly romantic.
“Aftercare,” he said, cuddling me. “Ever heard of it?”
I didn’t say anything. After that, every time after sex, he’d cuddle and kiss me. It was dangerous, because I knew my body might get confused and catch actual feelings for him. But I couldn’t pretend that I didn’t enjoy it. It did feel good to have rough sex then cuddle with him afterwards. His body was big and warm, and it made me feel safe, lying in his arms.
A few times, I slept over at his. The next morning, he’d make breakfast at the kitchenette. Pancakes, or bacon and eggs. Then he’d bring it to me so I could have breakfast in bed. We talked, about mid-terms, or graduating, or sports, or movies and TV-shows. Sometimes, I’d feel myself wondering what it would be like if we were together for real.
Then I had to force myself to stop. We were just hooking up.That’s all it was.
One time, I saw him at a coffee shop on campus. He was with his friends, and I was with mine. We made eye contact, and I started to raise my hand in a wave, because that was the polite thing to do.
But then he looked past me, like he didn’t see me, like I was invisible.
I lowered my hand, feeling my face go hot.
Right. We weren’t friends. We were just using each other’s bodies. Sure, Jordan might kiss me like he loved me during sex, but he didn’t. He couldn’t care less about me. I was just a convenient body to fuck.
I had to remember that.
CHAPTER FOUR
After a dinner date with Alec, I couldn’t stand it anymore. I invited him up. It had been forever since I had sex and I knew that if I didn’t get laid soon, I’d do something reckless, like call Jordan.
“This is me,” I said, after letting Alec into my apartment and turning on the lights.
“It’s very clean,” he said, looking around.
“Do you want anything to eat or drink?” I said, leading him into the living area, which included the kitchen and lounge. A door led to my bedroom.
“I’m okay, thanks,” he said, standing awkwardly. He looked a bit nervous, which I supposed was kind of endearing.
“You can sit down if you want,” I said as I made myself a cup of tea.
“Okay,” he said, perching his butt on the edge of the couch, like he was afraid to sit on it properly. I thought of the way Jordan had walked into my home and made himself at home.
Once my cup of tea was brewed, I sat down beside him. We looked at each other. Despite all the dates we’d been on, it was still kind of awkward between us.
Alec scooted closer, taking my free hand. “You’re really beautiful, Ella,” he said.
“Thank you.” For some reason, the compliment didn’t give me butterflies. I wasn’t sure why.
Alec leaned forward and kissed me. “I’ve been wanting this for a long time,” he murmured, hand sliding up and down my thigh.
I touched his body as I kissed him back. “What do you like?” I asked against his lips.
He pulled back. “Pardon?”
“What do you like in bed?” I said, trying to keep the sensual mood going.
“Oh, uh…” he chuckled softly. “Nothing fancy. I’m a boring guy.” He kissed me some more. “Want to take this to the bedroom?”
