“Lex, you’ve left nail marks on my arm.”
I peer down at the half moon indentations on his skin. Red and angry. “Shit. Casey, I’m sorry.”
He kisses my forehead, so tender, so warm that tears clog my throat. “Don’t. I’d take all the pain in the world if it helps you get through this.”
“You can’t say stuff like that unless you want me to cry.”
“Cry later. Let’s go and have a baby.”
The labor is awful. There are times when I think I come out of my body because the pain is so intense. It’s like dying while still breathing. Every part of me is fracturing from the inside out.
Hours into it, I’m so tired death begins to look like a reprieve.
Casey never waivers, not even for a second. He holds my hand through every contraction, holds my hair back when I puke my guts up right before I transition, and the entire time she’s tearing her way out of my body he’s whispering into my hair that he loves me and that I’m so strong.
I’m pretty sure I scream some terrible things at him, but with a final push, our daughter slides out of my body and into the waiting hands of the doctor.
The relief is immense, even though I’m shaking violently as I sag back into the pillows.
Am I dead?
Everything hurts.
I can’t see properly. My vision swims and everything tilts.
Then I hear it. The unmistakable squall of a newborn baby.
My chest is full as the doctor lays a pink wriggly baby on me and all the pain fades to the background.
She’s tiny, her face screwed up like she’s already pissed off at the world. White gunk covers her, blood too, but she’s the most perfect thing I’ve ever fucking seen.
I can’t look away, can’t do anything but stare at her and her bright blue eyes.
Casey kisses my temple over and over, like he can’t stand to not touch me for even a second.
“You did it. She’s so fucking perfect, Lexi. Look at her.”
He reaches out, and our baby wraps her fingers around his. Tiny nails, tiny everything. I’m already in love.
“Hey, little one. I’m your daddy. I’m the annoying guy who spent all that time talking to you while you were tryin’ to sleep in Mommy’s belly.”
I’m pretty sure every single woman in this room is melting. The nurses are smiling, the doctor too.
I can’t blame them.
“I already love her,” I whisper, dragging a finger over her soft cheek.
“I love you both,” he says, his voice raw. “Thank you, Lexi, for making me a father.”
His eyes are shiny with tears and I grip his hand.
“I love you so much. That might change when this happy period wears off and I remember her big ass-head tore my vagina on the way out.”
“You’re mine, Lexi Callahan. You and our daughter. And I’ll fuckin’ fight the world to keep you both safe.”
No matter what it took us to get here, it was all worth it.
EPILOGUE
