I breathe slowly and deeply still, and I think. Silent but Scary keeps looking at me like he’s worried I might bolt, so he needs to keep himself prepared to tackle me at any moment, and it’s making that regulated breathing a bit more difficult.Be strong for Owen. He just calmed me—returning the favor is the least I can do.
I remember I have something I can tell Owen that will help keep him from being overly focused and stressed about our situation. And Reese will be so proud of me if I do. Besides, what better time to tell the story about when I was so vulnerable and exposed than at a time when I’m feeling most vulnerableand exposed?
Well, probably any other time—duringanyother situation—is a better choice.
I take a deep breath and hold it for a moment, because it came in shaky and I need it to not come out the same, then I exhale. I can do this. Owen and I are sitting so close that our bodies are practically touching from shoulder to ankle, so I can talk softly and he’ll still hear. “This is not my first time being kidnapped. Well, technically, we aren’t kidnapped; we’ve been abducted. Or held against our will, I guess.”
He looks over at me in shock. “This isn’t your first time?”
I shake my head. “I was three years old. I was with my brothers and our nanny at a park. Blake and I were playing in the woodchips in the playground area when a woman with a dog walked by. Blake loved dogs, so he ran after her to see if he could pet it. I like dogs, so I followed, but I got distracted along the way by a caterpillar. The next thing I knew, I was being lifted up by a man who then ran with me across the grass to a van that was waiting. As soon as we got inside, the van took off before he even pulled the door shut.”
Owen sucks in a breath, entwines his fingers in mine, and gives my hand a squeeze.
Outside of telling people when it first happened, I don’t think I’ve ever talked about it more than just saying that it happened when someone else brings itup, like Zoe did. Then I shut down all thoughts of it. A part of me wants to do exactly that right now. To hide. I push through it, though.
“I always say I don’t really remember it, but there are parts that I do. We were in some kind of open space, probably a warehouse. There were five men and one woman there—none I had seen before. I remember being afraid. I knew there was nothing I could do, and I felt so helpless. Not that you don’t feel pretty helpless as a three-year-old at any given time anyway. But I knew that my family wouldn’t know how to find me.”
“How long was it before they did?”
“Almost twenty-four hours. But I couldn’t see the sun where they kept me, so I thought it was much longer. I’d never gone that long without my family before. But I wasn’t hurt. I made it back all safe and sound.
“It was hard on everyone in my family. Blake, especially, because he doesn’t think it would’ve happened if he hadn’t gone over to pet the dog. It really spooked all of us. It had just been an ordinary day, you know? No one saw it coming. We had all felt pretty helpless.”
Owen wraps an arm around me and pulls me tightly to him, and it calms my nerves.
“When I was standing out in that field, squatting to get a good look at that caterpillar, I was in a wide open space. I was so exposed to danger.” Iglance around and force a chuckle. “Kind of like how I’m feeling right now.”
Owen reaches his other arm around to give me a squeeze, and I just soak in the feeling of being safe in his arms for a long moment.
When he drops his arm, I decide I want to continue. For the first time since I was three, I didn’t downplay what happened or brush it off. I showed more of myself to Owen than I ever show to anyone. I can let myself be fully seen by him. “I like to believe that getting kidnapped was something that only affected me when I was three. I mean, that was a long time ago! I didn’t want to believe that something that happened when I was so little could still affect me as an adult.
“But since we met, I’ve been starting to realize how many things that I just assumed were part of my personality—like not wanting to be seen—can be traced back to that. I’m sure there are even more parts that I haven’t realized yet. And I don’t know what to even do with that information.” I let out a breath of a chuckle. “I guess it just makes me feel like I’d felt when I was three and captured—helpless. And I really don’t like that feeling, so I try to stay away from it.”
“You’re not helpless,” Owen says in a low voice. “There are just parts that you haven’t given yourself time to figure out yet. You will, though. I mean, look at you—you’ve been brave since preschool! And you’reone of the smartest and strongest people I know. On top of that, your sunny outlook is so bright that it can turn even the darkest corners into day. It can find every crack that fear tries to hide in. I’ve got no doubt that you’ll figure this out. And I’ll be here for you in whatever way you need me.”
Instead of sharing with Owen being dangerous, like I’ve always felt it is, it somehow feels like the safest thing I’ve ever done. Which is saying something, given the fact that Giovanni, Man Bun Menace, Silent but Deadly, and Shoulders-for-Days are all hurrying around and talking in stressed tones.
“I’m sorry it took me so long to tell you. Especially since you trusted me with your trauma much sooner.”
“Hey, someone had to kick off the Sad Backstory Olympics. I took one for the team.”
I laugh. Quietly, of course. We’ve got bad guys in the room, after all. And I’m still me, so I don’t want their attention on us.
I’m glad I told Owen. It feels good that he knows. It feels good to no longer carry around the weight of not telling him. And it feels extra good because it has definitely calmed him and taken his focus off the stressful situation, which was kind of the point in the first place. Well, that, and fulfilling my promise to Reese.
I hear Giovanni say a buyer’s name, and log it in my head. The whole time we’ve beendown here, I’ve been keeping an ear out for names that Giovanni or his goons mention, trying to memorize them. I wish I could type them on my phone without being noticed. My brothers are so good at memorizing everything because they have to be. I don’t. I always have my computer right there, so I’m not as practiced. And there have definitely been times when I’ve been focusing on Owen and not paying attention at all.
As long as Giovanni is giving orders to pack up specific artifacts and giving instructions to Silent but Deadly and Shoulders-for-Days on where to take them, there’s not much we can do. And if Owen and I stop talking, we’re both going to go back to being stressed out and anxious.
Plus, I realize how much I trust Owen. I know he’ll be with me through thick and thin.
I look at the four men we share this secret tunnel with. Not only are they at least a dozen feet away, but they’re all scrambling to take care of everything quickly. I know they can’t hear our quiet talking, so I guess now’s as good a time as any. “Since we’re on the subject of sharing things we never share, I’ve got another doozy for you.”
CHAPTER 34
THE SECRET LIFE OF CHARLIE LANCASTER
CHARLIE
