“That must have been intense. I’m very glad to hear you made it through.” They walked in silence for several long moments. She stayed quiet, knowing that he needed time to process.
He must not have wanted to process out loud, though, because he changed the subject. “Do you mind if I ask about Aiden’s dad?”
Rachel wondered if the question had been as burning to him as asking about his wife had been for her. It took a moment to think about how to even explain because there was so much more to it than the short version.
“That’s not something I can explain in a sentence or two.”
Nick gestured at all the lights and decorations on Main Street and at the soft snow that felt like it was almost glowing from the light strands crossing over Main Street. “I can walk up and down this street with you as many times as needed. Ten? A hundred? You’ve got it.”
She chuckled and secretly swooned. How long had it been since she’d been on a date when the guy was so interested in everything she said? Long enough ago that she couldn’t remember.
“Okay, then. Um, to explain, I need to go back to age eighteen when my parents died. Jack was fifteen, and the night they got in that wreck was the night I first became a parent.”
That had been a dozen years ago, yet it was still hard to bring up. Probably because bringing it up always brought back the emotions she’d felt that night when the officer knocked on their door. So much had changed at that moment. More than she could comprehend. All she’d felt was the whirlwind in her mind, the stabbing pain in her gut, the ache in her heart. It took days, weeks, and months to begin to understand all the emotions that came with the news.
“But at least I’d had a lot of practice with parenting before then—our mom struggled with a lot of things and would often check out for weeks at a time. But it was different once it was only the two of us. Jack started acting out and kind of lost his way a bit.”
“That’s a completely understandable reaction. Losing both parents at the same time had to be tough.”
She nodded, feeling the truth of that statement deep in her bones. She had been dealing with her own grief all while trying to be everything Jack needed her to be. And that was on top of simply being eighteen and trying to figure out how to be an adult and make the decisions that would impact her future so much.
“Jack didn’t go to college right after high school. I think all of those first years were hard, but that one was especially tough for a lot of reasons. But then he figured out what he wanted to do and what he needed to do to get there and started college just a year late. He lived with me that year—we were both in college. That was a great year.
“Then I graduated and he moved into a dorm on campus with some friends, and a friend moved into my place as my roommate. I just felt…” She wasn’t even sure how to express what the emotions had been like that year. “Adrift, maybe? I think I had gotten so used to being the parent, the one in charge, and I didn’t know how tonothave Jack to look after. It had become a good part of my identity, I think.
“I mean, don’t get me wrong— it was great to not have so much responsibility piled on me. But I suddenly no longer had school to focus on and I was working a job I hated that had nothing to do with my degree and Jack was doing great and didn’t need me so much.
“After having to be the responsible one since I was young, I kind of had my own rebellious moment and made some less-than-great choices. At the same time, though, I felt a bit like…” She paused. “I don’t know, like an empty nester, maybe? I think I was just really craving someone in my life to take care of. And those two things didn’t mix well.
“So I dated a crappy guy. And one night, the crappy telephone customer service job I had laid everyone off the sameday that my roommate announced that she was moving out of state. I was feeling extra rebellious and in need of someone. It was one night of poor decisions, and before long, I found out I was pregnant.”
She glanced at Nick, almost afraid to see his reaction, but the look on his face was that of concern. Undivided attention. And something else. Understanding without judgment, maybe? Whatever it was, it made her whole chest feel warm and light even as the snow fell all around them.
“Anyway, I let the guy know, and he was mad because it didn’t fit with his life plans. The day I told him was the last time I ever saw him. Eventually, a lawyer delivered papers where he’d signed away his parental rights and asked me never to contact him again. He didn’t even know when Aiden was born because he never wanted to.”
She looked at Nick again, and he was breathing heavily, eyebrows drawn together like he was ready to stand up to the guy right then and let him know what he thought of it all and her breath caught. She hadn’t experienced a guy outside of her brother who had ever shown that kind of protectiveness of her before. He shook his head. “I can’t even fathom not wanting to be there—to even know—your own kid.”
She studied his expression, drinking in the look on his face that came with that statement. It was so authentic and it pulled at her heart.
“It might have been a decision I regretted making, and I definitely wouldn’t have chosen the timing.” She shook her head. “Those first few years weresohard. But in the end, I got Aiden. And he means the world to me.”
“And he’s a great kid,” Nick said.
They stopped, right there at the winter wonderland display in front of Trove of Oldies and she just nodded as she looked into Nick’s eyes. His hat and the shoulders of his coat were coveredin snow—she hadn’t noticed that it had started coming down so much—and the air was cold enough that each of their breaths were little puffs of clouds.
But those eyes of his were warm. Inviting. Full of all the things she’d been hoping for, both consciously and subconsciously, since the day she’d found out she was going to have a baby.
And he was looking at her like he really saw her. All of her. He wasn’t ignoring any parts of her that he didn’t like—he was looking at her like she didn’t even have parts that he didn’t like. Like she was everything just the way she was, and she’d never felt so accepted.
His eyes flicked to her lips, and suddenly she couldn’t think of anything she wanted more than to have his lips on hers. She took a step toward him, and the look of longing on his face intensified. A snowflake fell right on his cheek and melted. He closed the gap between them, and suddenly the snow and the cold felt just beyond them. There was nothing between them but warmth and peace.
He reached with two fingers to brush the snow-covered hair away from her cheek, and the touch of his fingers sent a tingling warmth through her whole body.
Then she heard a buzzing sound and he looked at his watch, his eyebrows pulling together. “Oh. It’s my mother-in-law.” He pulled his phone from his pocket and answered it, putting it on speakerphone. “Hello?” His voice was concerned.
“I’m so sorry to bother you on your date.” Rachel recognized Linda’s voice from when she’d met her just before their date.
“Are Holly and Aiden okay?”
