Idon’t know what the next steps are inJace’splan.Maybenothing will happen yet because they want to gather more intel asTadcontinues to meet with his shady client.Maybethey’re hoping that the two of them will spill something about where more information can be found.
Or, it could be that it just takes a while to go through the pages and pages of contracts thatDaisyandIcopied and use them to build a case againstTadand his client.Itmight be that they find out thatTad’srole was small and he was largely manipulated into helping.Orit could be they find out that he knowingly did illegal things.
Tadcould be around for weeks still.Mygut tells me that he will.Whichmeans thatIwill almost definitely be going up against him for the job in risk management.Todayis the last day to submit an application for it, andIplan to get it done by the end of lunch.
Iwalk right pastTad’sdesk and sit down at mine.I’min the middle of getting out my pen, highlighters, pencil, eraser, and calculator whenTadcomes over.Heleans his hip against my desk, coffee in hand, looking confident as can be.
Butdo you know what?I’mconfident now, too.Ijust completed not one, buttwosuccessful secret spy missions.AndDaisybelieves in me.Ihear her voice in my head, saying, “WinstonOliverBaldwin.Yourname literally beginsandends with ‘win.’Ibelieve in you.You’vegot this.”
AndIbelieve her.Afterwe handed over the case toJace,Ihadn’t gotten all the way there.Butafter spending so many hours last night questioning howIcould have so many clues that things were going to go the wayIhoped yet still being afraid to take the risk,Ihad to step back and re-evaluate my fear.
I’mnot sure that on my own,Iever would’ve connected my fear of taking risks with the mudslide that took out our home whenIwas a kid, but whenDaisybrought it up, it felt… true.SoItook a good long look at that fear last night and came to the conclusion thatIlet it in because it promised to protect me.Igave it permission to set up shop in my brain, where it could pass out fear to everyone.Igave it a parking pass and everything.Welcomedit to the city with a big banner and a parade, and even offered to do its taxes for free.
AndthenIcompletely ignored that it was chasing off everything new that came near for nearly two decades.Eventhe best things.EvenDaisy.
WhenIstarted thinking about it like that, it waspainfully obvious how completely irrational it is thatIdidn’t kick it to the curb so many years ago.Allthis time,I’vebeen bringing it coffee every morning, telling it thanks for being around.
Butlast night,Itold it “Nomore” and made it leave.Iam done with it.Itisn’t welcome in my town anymore.Itis now banned for life.Ofcourse, things like that tend to find a way to sneak back in as often as they can, butI’mkeeping my eye out soIcan re-banish it every time it appears.
“So,”Tadsays, “Iwas having lunch withRickardyesterday, and he told me that he let you know he was endorsing me for the job in risk management.”
Tadis such a name-dropper and a schmoozer.Ofcourse, he was having lunch with our boss.Andof course, he has to tell me about it.
“Anyway,Iknew that he was going to tell you, butIdidn’t know that he had.AndthenIwent and hung out with the risk management team for a bit, chatting and making friends.Scopingout where my new desk will be, things like that.”Hegives me a patronizing sad face. “Iknow that’s got to be hard to hear, buddy.Ifelt likeIshould come to you about it becauseIknow you wanted to apply for that job.It’stoo bad it’s no longer an option.But,Iguess that’s the way this business goes.There’salways next time, right?”
Iglance up at him asIfinish getting my desk set up just right. “Inever saidIwasn’t applying.”
Tad’seyebrows shoot up. “Oh!Youstill are.Evenif your boss has a glowing endorsement for someone else.Interesting.”
“Yep.”
Isee a look inTad’seyes thatI’venever seen before.Onethat tells me that he knows thatIam better at our job than he is.He’sbeen trying to make me feel less-than not only because he’s trying to build himself up but because he doesn’t want me to apply for the job.BecauseifIdo, then other people will find out thatI’mthe better choice.HowhaveInever noticed that before?
“Well,”Tadsays, seeming to stumble for words, “good luck to both of us then.”
Afull ten minutes before my lunch break is over,Iclick submit on my application.Ieven have enough time to check in onRoithrough my cat cam. (She’ssleeping.)Sonow, my application is in the hands of human resources and the team leader over risk management.I’vedone my part, and it feels good.
Infact, it feels freaking fantastic, andIam so proud of myself.Beforethis week,Iwould’ve backed down and never applied.Andnot only because of whatTadsaid today.Iwould’ve after what my boss said about not endorsing me.Heck,Imight have backed down all on my own, even if no one said anything to discourage me.
ButIdidn’t this time, and it’s all because ofDaisy.
I’vebeen imagining a life with her for a year and a half but not doing anything about it.Now, more thanever,Iwant her in my life.Iwant to go do spontaneous things with her at a moment’s notice.Iwant to go to craft fairs and see her in her booth and tell everyone there that they should check it out.Ifshe makes earrings,Iwant to walk around shamelessly wearing those earrings to show everyone how great they are.
Idon’t want to wait untilI’mat the coffee shop in the mornings to see her.Iwant to wake up next to her.Iwant us to see each other when we get home from work and do something—anything—together.Atnight, even ifRoiorPrinceCharmingjumps up on our bed asI’mfalling asleep,Iwill put them back in their own beds before kissingDaisyon her forehead becauseIwant her face to be the last thingIsee each day.
Iwant to cook breakfast for her.Andmake spur-of-the-moment craft store runs for her.Andgo on walks with her and our pets.Anddo her taxes.I’lleven be the one to keep track of all the receipts from the things she makes.
Isummoned bravery and kicked out my fear of taking risks.Iwas brave and applied for the job that scared me.Nowit’s time to be brave withDaisy.
Well, almost time.Ido need to wait for my work day to end.
Themoment the clock turns from 4:59 and 59 seconds to 5:00,Irace out ofPacioli&Blackwell.Ileave my car in the parking lot, only stopping by it to toss in my briefcase, and thenIpractically run toCoffeeLoft.
CHAPTER 14
SEVEN-COURSE MEAL WITH A SIDE OF ROMANCE
DAISY
