DAISY
OnFridays,Ihave a split shift at work.Igot here for my first five hours at seven a.m., and from the momentIput on myCoffeeLoftapron,I’vebeen counting down the minutes until 8:36 whenOlliewill walk through the front doors.
Ijust want to see him soIcan get a better sense of his feelings toward me.Becauseafter yesterday,Irealized how muchIlike him.Ilike being around him.Ilike making him smile.Ilike that he doesn’t have a big ego or think that he always knows the best way to do everything.He’snice and he’s fun and he’s kind.Ilike him alot.MorethanI’veever liked anyone.
Buteven thoughIgave him the hugest opening to ask me out, or to even just ask me to stay with him at the festival, he didn’t.Ifigure it’s because of one of two reasons.
One: he’s not as interested in me asIam in him.Thatis the main reason whyIhave my rule about the guy asking me out first, not the other way around.Ithelps me to gauge their interest level.It’smy secret clue.
Ortwo: he let nerves get to him.Iknow he has a hard time taking risks.Couldhe be interested in me but see me as a risk?MaybeIcan get a good sense of which reason it is when he comes in.
Excepthe doesn’t come.I’veworked here for a year and a half andI’venever worked a weekday shift whenOllie’ssmiling face didn’t walk through that door at 8:36 on the dot.AsI’mhelping our always big crowd ofFridaycustomers, my mind whirls with what could’ve keptOlliefrom coming in.Theyrange fromhe got a flat tire,tothis is his way of showing he’s not interested in our relationship going any further,tothe guys in suits that we thought were following us yesterday did, in fact, follow him home, kidnapped him, and are now holding him hostage.Luckily, theFridaycrowd is enough that it keeps my mind from dwelling on it too long.
Bythe timeI’moff for three hours at noon,I’vemanaged to calm my worried mind a bit, butIknowIneed some goodPrinceCharmingtime.Mycute little fluffer pup might be the only thing that will stop me from going toPacioli&Blackwell, causing some kind of distraction at the front desk, making a run for the elevators, and taking them to the third floor, all soIcan seeOllie’sface and verify that he’s okay.
Ipick upPrinceCharmingfromRuthie’sapartment as the two of them are cleaning up from playing checkers.Ruthie, of course, won most of the rounds.PrinceCharmingmight be smart, but he’s not really “play a game of checkers” smart.Especiallybecause although he can move the pieces around the board, he can’t exactly pick them up to “jump” her game pieces.
Somehow, though, he still managed to win one game, andRuthieis pretty sure it’s because he distracted her, stole her pieces on the board when she wasn’t looking, and hid them under his body.Thelittle cheat.
Duringmy break between shifts onFriday,Iusually take a walk inKeyhavenPark, but the fall festival is still going strong through tomorrow, soPrinceCharmingandIhead to the dog park a couple of blocks in the opposite direction.Thesun is shining and the air is the right amount of crisp to require a jacket.
Westart with me throwing a ball andPrinceCharmingbringing it back to me, then we take turns chasing each other until we are both so worn out that we guzzle some water before flopping onto the grass on our backs, looking up at the sky.Whichis kind of the point.Ifigure ifI’mworn out,Iwon’t be able to obsess aboutOllie.Itkind of works.Inthe same way not believing in gravity stops you from staying on the ground.
Thewind is blowing a nice amount, which feels sogood after all the running.Myhead lazily falls to the side, andIwatch a little girl a dozen feet away.She’sprobably five, and her dad is teaching her how to fly a kite.Theyget it up in the air and it’s flying great.Sohe shows her how to release more string to let it go higher.
WhenLaurelandIwere kids, our parents took us on a very long camping trip.Iwas young enough thatI’mnot sure if they were between jobs, if they got a long vacation, or if they had maybe gotten jobs as campground caretakers, but we were there most of the summer.Andduring that summer,LaurelandIspent practically every day flying kites.
Eversince then, the two of us have talked about how she is a tent andIam a kite.Shelikes things stable, so she’d set up her tent and drive stakes deep into the ground to make sure it didn’t go anywhere.I, on the other hand, wanted to go everywhere, just like our kites.Iwanted to soar free.
Iwatch as the same longingIfelt crosses the little girl’s face.Shelooks up at the kite, soaring in the wind, and then she looks down at the little plastic handle in her hand that has kite string wrapped around it.
AndIknow what she’s thinking becauseI’vethought it myself—she wants to let go of the kite string.Afterall, it seems like it’s the only thing that is keeping the kite from soaring even higher.Thatsummer as a kid,Ilearned the hard way that a kite can’t soar unless it’stethered by that string.Letgo, and it comes crashing to the ground.
Thislittle girl hasn’t learned that.
Herdad is pointing up at the kite that’s lazily drifting, high in the air.Ikeep my eyes on the girl, though, as her eyes keep shifting between the string in her hands and the kite in the air.Ican tell the moment she decides that she wants to set the kite free.Herdad hasn’t noticed what’s going through her head.Heprobably assumes she’s marveling at how the air is making it fly.
Butthen she holds her hand with the string up high, pauses a moment, and then she lets go.Herdad leaps for the string, but it’s too late.PrinceCharmingmust be watching the girl, too, because he barks.Evenhe knows it was a bad idea to let go.Asexpected, the kite has a short second of lift before it starts flopping in the air and then nose-dives toward some trees in the distance.
Iknow that is what happens when you let go of a kite string.Yetstill, that’s exactly whatI’vebeen wanting to do with my kite lately.
Asa child,Icouldn’t exactly tether my metaphorical string to our home or my parents because nothing was constant or steady or predictable with either.ButIalso learned pretty quickly thatIcould tether my kite string to one ofLaurel’stent pegs.Shewould always be steady and constant and would do anything to keep me from crashing to the ground.
I’vehad my kite string tethered to one ofLaurel’sstrong, secure tent pegs practically my entire life.Sinceshe got married and moved away six months ago,I’vejust felt like my kite has been meandering up there.Floatingadrift with no intended direction.Ithas felt likeIhaven’t been able to soar lately.MaybebecauseIhaven’t found something new to tether my kite string to.
Whichis whyI’vebeen wanting to let go of the string.Sure,Iwould crash to the ground, butIwould go off in a specific direction first.Somewherenew.Aplace whereIcould start over.MaybeIwould start over as someone who has everything figured out.
Imight not have gotten stability or consistency from my parents, but likeItoldOllie, whatIdid get from them moving us to different locations with completely different situations so often was the ability to effortlessly go with the flow.
AndsinceLaurelhas such a need to have everything controlled,Igot used to her making decisions for me.SoIwent with the flow of that, too.I’mrealizing thatInever really figured out how to make decisions based on whatIwant.
MaybeIneed to figure out whatIwant instead of just letting first my parents, and thenLaurel, and then fate—or whatever direction the wind happens to blow my kite whenIlet go of the string—determine where my life goes.Maybeit’s time thatIdetermine whereIwant my life to go.
Thedad and the little girl have left—off running in the direction of the kite to see if they can save it,I’msure.SoIjust look up at the blue skies with the far-off white clouds.WhatdoIwant?
PrinceCharmingjumps on my stomach, and afterIregain the air that vacated from my lungs,Ilaugh and wrestle with him a bit before rubbing his sides. “Iguess this means you’re rested now, huh?Whatdo you say to helping me figure out whatIwant in my life?”
Hebarks once in answer.Idon’t know if he knows he’s saying yes to listening to me talk things through out loud, but he’s always showing me that he’s smarter thanIthink he could be, so maybe he does know.
