Ourbackup team contains two field operatives, a brilliant analyst, and a dentist.Alsonot a helpful skill in this situation, but if we ever needed to disarm a bomb, he does have some impressively steady and precise hands.
Forthe amount of skill crouched behind these bricksand in the compactSUVhalf a block away, you’d think nothing could possibly go wrong.
Mygut tells me, though, that it will.Zoegives me a look that tells me she thinks there is a high chance of that, too, and that she’s going to wish she had a big bucket of popcorn to eat as it does.
CHAPTER 26
CROUCHING SPIES, HIDDEN CRUSH
ZOE
We’vesurveilled the area, andOwen, the guyCharlieis interested in, isn’t outside at the historic theater.Heisn’t gone, though, because the front door to the theater is propped open, andCharlierecognizes the truck out front as his.Sohe must be inside.Which, honestly, isn’t surprising.Almostall time on any stakeout is spent staring at a building, so this is completely normal.
Whatisn’t normal is being on a stakeout with civilians.Especiallywhen those civilians you are crouched with behind a couple of pallets of bricks are the sister and the future sister-in-law of the guy you’ve been falling in love with.
AtleastIassume that’s what this is—I’venever actually been in love before to know how it feels.AllIknow is that a year and a half ago, inMoldova,Ididn’t think it was real, and now it feels very real.Everythingabout now isdifferent.Myfeelings towardLedgerare stronger.Deeper.Andeven whenI’mfocusing on something else entirely, he’s on my mind.Ieven dream about him.
Ikeep imagining the two of us doing regular things together.Sharinga place, giving each other a kiss before heading off to work in the mornings— even if work is taking us to two very different parts of the world, going to the grocery store, practicing counter-surveillance techniques during date nights, decrypting coded messages over breakfast, conducting threat assessments on our neighbors.Regular, everyday stuff.
Thestrangest thing about this past week is thatI’vespent it away from work but nearLedger.AndifIwas given the choice of which of the twoIhad to give up while recovering,Iwould give up work.NotLedger.Ithas never even been fathomable to me thatIwouldeverchoose a person over my job.
YethereIam.
Maybeit’s just me, though.Becauseeven thoughLedgerhas been at my side this entire weekI’vebeen off work, he hasn’t tried to kiss me.Notonce.Wewere only inMoldovafor three days.Itfelt like eons longer, but that was how long it was.Threedays.Hekissed me onDayTwo.
Yethe’s been at my side in my hotel for seven days and nothing.Sinceleaving forDublinon theAmbassador’splane,LedgerandIhave gone from being practically enemies to becoming friends to becoming something well beyond friends.AtleastIwant it to be more than friends.Butthe fact that he hasn’t kissed me yet makesme wonder if he doesn’t.Maybehe’s fine with the way things are now.
Butwhat doIknow?Idon’t have any real relationship experience.EveryrelationshipI’vehad has been fake on some level.Idon’t have enough familiarity with any of this to know.
AndIdefinitely don’t have enough familiarity when it comes to hanging out with family.I’vemetEvelyn,Charlie,Emerson, andJaceall asIntelligenceOperativeZoeSteele.I’veworked with them on a mission now.Iwas starting to get a little comfortable around them, almost like coworkers.
Buthere,Iam notIntelligenceOperativeZoeSteele.I’mjustZoe.OrLedger’sGirlfriendZoe.Right?Isthat whatI’mcalled at this point in the relationship?Doesit automatically happen at a certain point, or is it something you have to agree to in words?Ihave no idea.
AndI’mnot quite sure how to act.OperativeZoeknows how to act in any situation.GirlfriendZoe?Notso much.Allmy knowledge and experience should translate to this situation, yetIfeel a bit out of place.Likean outsider.AsifLedger’sfamily is a rugby team that was down a player and pulled me in from the sidelines to play for their side, assumingIknow all the rules, yetIdon’t actually know any of them.
Notknowing is like having your bra clasp break while undercover at a black tie event—uncomfortable and embarrassing when all eyes are on you.
Thankfully, they’re not.Charlieis peeking around the corner, even though we have a surveillance camera on topof the bricks, aimed in that direction, that is broadcasting to the tablet inMackenzie’shands and to the one in theSUVwithLedger’sbrothers.Everyoneelse’s eyes are on the screen.
I’mcrouched on my left leg with my right leg and its cumbersome boot awkwardly stretched out to the side.Ledgeris crouched next to me.Hisleg is brushing up against mine, and it feels like it’s electric, sending thrilling currents up my leg.Myupper arm is brushing against his, and his face is only about fifteen inches from mine.AllIwant to do right now is turn forty-five degrees, wrap my arms around his neck, and kiss him good and hard on the lips.Evenif it knocks us both over onto the dirt-covered asphalt and compromises the mission.Evenif it hurts my broken rib and bruised spleen.
Ofcourse,Idocare about this mission.Icare aboutCharlieandMackenzie, even thoughIbarely know them.Iknow thatLedgercares about this mission, too.Andif this thing between us is real for him, too,Idon’t want to mess it up.
ButIhave to know if he wants our relationship to be something more, andIdon’t want to wait any longer to find out.Ledger’sarm is at his side, in the small space between our bodies.Myhand is on my knee, butIdrop it to the space whereLedger’sis, causing our arms to touch from nearly shoulder to wrist.Thesensation sends a buzzing up my arm and right into my chest.I’mbarely breathing asIbump the back of my hand ever so gently against his.It’ssubtle enough that he could act like he thought the touch was accidental and notrespond at all.
Almostimmediately, he responds by brushing my knuckles with his before moving his hand to the other side of mine, sliding his fingers into mine.Inearly whimper at the touch.Itmeans he, too, wants our relationship to be something more than the friends we’ve become.
It’snot like we haven’t touched before— the man even carried me whenIwas injured— but this touch carries so much more weight.Hewould carry any injured person because that’s the kind of guy he is.Butthis?Handholding?Itfeels like he’s choosingme.Onlyme.Itmakes my chest feel like it’s soaring.
“Sodo you live in town, too?”Mackenziehas turned her head to look at me over her shoulder.
I’vebeen so deep in my own world that her question catches me off-guard andIdropLedger’shand. “Oh.Um, no—Iusually live inMcLean, close toCIAheadquarters.”
Charlieturns toward me, too, her eyebrows drawn together. “Usually?Doyou not always live in the same place?”
Ishake my head. “Ilive in a hotel and don’t always choose the same one.”
“Youlivethere?”Charliesays. “Like, temporarily?”
