Hecan tell when my body is getting too tired to stay awake, and he bows out, making sureIknow that it’s okay to call him for anything at any time.Heeven makes sure my phone is near me soIdon’t have to get up to call him.ThenIease my way onto the bed and under the covers, andIsleep.
Iwake disoriented and sore, andIhave no idea what day it is, only that it’s light outside.Igrab my phone off the night stand.It’sten a.m., which makes no sense becauseI’mpretty sureIstarted my nap at around one p.m.Thenmy eyes fly up to the date, andIsit up straight, then wince at the pain in my ribs.It’sWednesday?DidIseriously just sleep for twenty-one hours straight?Basedon how many messagesI’vemissed fromSully,Packston, andLedger,I’mguessing yes.
Idown twoTylenolbeforeIeven get out of bed, and thenIhobble into the bathroom.Ican’t believeIslept fornearly a full day!Idon’t thinkI’veever been this unproductive in my life, andI’veslacked on my responsibilities right during an active operation.Ihave got to get myself going.I’mnot supposed to get my wound wet yet, butIdesperately need a shower.
ThenIremember that whenLedgergot us lunch, it was sub sandwiches.Hegot a footlong one, and it was in a plastic bag.Ihobble out to the main room and dig through the garbage untilIfind it.Aftershaking out the crumbs,Iflop my injured leg up onto the bed, carefully remove the boot, and slide my foot into the bag, pulling it up over my incision.ThenIgrab a hair tie that has been stretched out way too far and slide it up my leg, holding the top of the bag tight.
ThenIget into the shower.It’sone of the most difficult thingsI’vedone, butI’mdetermined to do it.Iwash my hair first since that’s what’s bugging me the worst, even though the motion hurts my ribs even more thanIguessed it would.
It’sa quick shower, my leg is almost numb from the hair tie being a little too snug, and it leaves me so exhausted thatIhave to lay back down on my bed for thirty minutes just to recover, butIam clean.Andthat makes it all worth it.
Ittakes another two hours to get ready for work, summon anUber, and travel there, butIwalk in with my head held high, looking likeI’mready to take on the world.Ina boot.Andwith a limp.Andan occasional wince.Butready, nonetheless.
Andthen, beforeI’veeven made eyecontact withPackstonorSully,Troy, the office troll, comes up and walks alongside me, matching my slow pace. “Hey, congratulations on such successful missions inDublinandBelgrade!”
Itsounds like a compliment, butIknow he’s really just setting things up for the dig.
“Especiallyhaving to do it with someone from theCSA.IthinkIheard somewhere that he’s like your rival, right?Sogood job being so successful in those conditions.”
Idon’t give him the satisfaction of saying “Thanks,” even though he pauses soIcan.ButIknow he’s not done talking yet, soIjust keep walking.
“Youcame so close to pulling off the perfect mission, too!Thenat the last moment, you managed to pull off the seemingly impossible and seized defeat from the jaws of victory.”
Andthere it is.Theworst part is, it actually hits a nerve.UsuallyIcan brush off everythingTroysays, but this one hurts.I’mnot about to let him know that he hit a home run, though, soIsay, “Itreally was a tough one.Howwas work whileIwas gone?Havethings at your desk been going well?”
Ihad heard that he got put on desk duty after he lost a secure comms device on his last mission.Basedon the fact that he stops walking,IguessIhit a nerve, too.
“Zoe!”Packstonnotices me and runs over and gives me a hug so gentle that it feels likeI’mbeing hugged by a cloud. “Ididn’t think you would be in today.Didyou get the flowers we sent?Howare you feeling?Didthey say you could come back already?”
“Idon’t know,”Iadmit. “Ihaven’t seen my doctor here yet, andIdon’t remember if the nurse said anything about that whenIwas inAnkara.”Isuddenly wonder ifLedgergot instructions thatImissed. “Ijust need to talk to the director.”
Packstontells me that he’s in his office, soIturn to head that way, but he calls out, “AndZoe?”Iturn to look at him. “We’veall been pulling for you here.Allof us.”
Igive him a smile. “Thankyou.Thatmeans a lot.”
Sullyis just finishing a phone call whenIget to his office, and he waves me in.Icollapse into one of his padded chairs, because walking like you can take on the world when you can really only take on maybe one square foot of it is rather exhausting.
“It’sgood to see you,Zoe!”Sullysays. “LedgerLancasterhas done a good job of keeping me updated on your condition.Iwas glad to hear that the surgery went well.”Hepauses a moment, then says, “ButlastIheard, you weren’t doing well enough to walk more than a dozen feet.Whyare you here?”
Notexactly the “I’mso proud of you” thatIwas hoping for at the end of this mission. “BecauseIcan’t just lay in bed all day and do nothing.”
“Butthat’s exactly what you should be doing.”
Apparently, being injured brings out the teenager in me, becauseIwant to reply with “You’renot my dad,” butIkind of wish he was.Instead, asI’mlifting one corner of my mouth in a smile,Isay, “You’renot my doctor.”
Hecomes around and partially sits on his desk, facing me. “No, butIam your director, andIwantyou to get back to full health.Cominginto work isn’t going to facilitate that.”
“I’mreally sorry thatLedgerdidn’t finish the mission,”Iblurt out. “Ithought he would—Itold him to— but he decided to take me to the hospital instead.”
“Iwould’ve told him to do exactly that ifIwas there.”
Irun my hands over my face in frustration. “Why?Iam not okay with that!Thatwasn’t whatIwanted, andI’mmad thatIdidn’t get a say in it at all.”
“Whyare you not okay with that?”
“Becauseit’s a black mark againstme.Inow have an unsuccessful mission in the books.”Andthat goes directly against my “Bethe best spy ever” plan thatI’vehad my entire life.Gettinginjured so thatIcan’t do a mission at all goes against the plan in a colossal way.
“There’sno ‘black mark’ against you.Nospy is ever successful at one hundred percent of the missions, andIdon’t expect you to be.It’simpossible to have a perfect record unless you’re only taking on the easy missions.Youaren’t built for easy missions,Zoe, so you’re going to have some that don’t end with a success.”
