Shelooked at him for a long moment, sadness seeming to fill every inch of her.
“Youshould take the job,” she whispered.Thenshe dropped his hand and walked out of his room.
Parkerspent what was left of the evening in his room, feeling awful about how completely he’d messed things up and replaying all the monumentally stupid things he’d said toKelliabout her dad and the job offer.Hehad just been awful to her.Thelook on her face when he’d said that they weren’t going to work out was burned into his memory, and it kept playing on repeat.Hewas the one who had caused that expression of devastating grief.Evenas much as he loved her, he did that to her.
Buthe was in the main rooms by seven a.m. the next morning.Hewas hoping that she would be down a little before the closing ceremony started so he could begin to apologize for being such a jerk.Andmaybe explain why he had said that he didn’t think they would work out.Andmaybe tell her how wrong it had felt to end things.
Thomaswas the only one in the kitchen area that early, so he tried to focus on chatting with him enough to somewhat carry on a conversation when his mind was so far away from it.
Afew more people trickled in, most of them going through the items that had been set out to eat for breakfast during the closing ceremony, in the car on the way to the airport, or on the airplane.Still,Kellididn’t come down.Shewas usually so early to everything.Especiallyto something like this, where they were going to say goodbyes and announce who got the most points and who won the grand prize.
Atseven twenty-five, he stood from the bar stool he’d been sitting on, and he was about to go up to her room to check on her whenGrahamwalked in.Assoon as his eyes fell onParker, a sadness washed over him.Hewalked straight over toParker, put his hand on his shoulder, and said, “I’mso sorry to hear about you andKelli.”
“Youknow?”
Grahamnodded. “Shetold me when she came to me last night and asked if she could fly home today instead of onNewYear’sDay.Oh.Shedidn’t tell you.”
Alarmshot throughParker, and he’d taken one step on his way to rush up to her room and try to explain everything and convince her not to leave, butGrahamput a hand on his shoulder, stopping him.
“Shetexted a couple of hours ago, saying that she was taking anUberto the airport early.She’salready gone.”
Everythingclosed in on him, crushing him, as everyone else in the room made their way to the couches in the family room to hear the winner announcement.Everythingaround him didn’t quite seem real, and the world seemed very far away.
“You’llhave to excuse me,”Parkersaid as he made his way out the door, and hopefully up to his room before he fell apart.
Nineteen
Kelli
BeforeKellitalkedtoParkerlast night, if someone had told her that she’d be going home today and that because of her late decision to do so, she wouldn’t even get to be on the same flight home with all the new friends she had made, she would’ve been devastated.
Butafter everything withParker, she was glad she didn’t know anyone on the plane because she didn’t want to talk to a soul.Noteven the people on either side of her.Shewent to the back of the line so she could board last, and the moment she sat down, she put on her headphones—the universal “Idon’t want to talk” signal.
Shedidn’t even listen to the audiobook she had gotten specifically for the plane ride.Shejust dusted off herSadSongsplaylist and wallowed along withAdeleandJohnMayer.Parkerhad been so worried about her getting her hopes up too much that things would work out with her dad.Maybehe was right to worry, and maybe he wasn’t.ButwhatParkerreally should’ve been worrying about was her getting her hopes up too much that things would work out withParker.
Becausehim ending things with her crushed her more completely than her dad not inviting her toChristmashad, which she hadn’t even thought was possible.
Hehad just been so harsh about her dad.Waymore than he needed to be.Itwas good that she got to witness the side of him that saw things as black and white, right or wrong, without considering everything.Shecould never be with someone where she had to worry if he was going to judge her just as harshly for a mistake she made.Sheshould be happy she discovered this side of him early.Sheshould be thrilled that he broke things off before she got invested even more.
Sowhy wasn’t she?
Probablybecause she had discovered a lot of other sides of him, too.Asthe plane flew from the east coast toward the west, she couldn’t stop thinking about how much she enjoyed spending time with him, how easy it was to talk with him, how quick he was to laugh or tell a joke, and how great it was that she could get him to go do fun things at the spur of the moment.
Andhow quick he was to help people.Whenthey had spent hours on the cold bench onChristmasEve, she talked about what she wanted to do to getZentCubeemployees to help at the soup kitchen inDenver.Notonly had he been encouraging, but he said he’d be the first to sign up.
Andhe was so cute with the kids at theChristmasVillage.Andseeing the way he heldGraham’sbaby had made her heart melt into a pile of goo.Shewanted to have kids someday, and she wanted their dad to look at them exactly the wayParkerhad looked at babyHope.
Andhe’d been so kind and inclusive at theTinselandTidingsBall.Shewas so impressed at how he’d looked out for her.Hewas always looking out for her, more than just at the ball.
Sheclosed her eyes and let the memory of how it had felt to have his strong arms around her when she was scared.Hisarms made her feel safe and protected like there wasn’t a fear in the world that he couldn’t quell.Eventhe thought of it made warmth spread throughout her body, bringing with it the feeling of peace she had when they’d been so close.
Thatmorphed into the memory of how it had felt with his arms cradling her when she was sad.Theway he listened and comforted her and made her feel that no matter how bad things got, everything would be okay.Shewished those arms were around her now, comforting her and telling her everything would be okay.
Rightnow, she desperately wanted to see again the way a smile spread across his face whenever she walked into the room, showing that dimple on his cheek.
Thenanother memory hit her.Thevery first day, whenMerithad introducedElise, she had wished and hoped and craved to one day have a man look at her the same wayMeritlooked atElise.Therealization that she had gotten her wish—that the wayParkerlooked at her was exactly like that—was difficult to bear.Shehad wanted so badly for things to work out between them.
Asshe sat in her seat, headphones on and eyes closed, silent tears rolled down her face and fell into her lap.Maybeshe would never be able to hold on to a love like that.Maybethe memory of it was all she would ever have.
