Probably.Ireally miss him.
Iexplained all of that toLiviearlier, then tried to get my phone back, and she said, “No.Staystrong.Serendipity!”
Me: “Forgetserendipity!I’mnot strong enough for serendipity!Iwas only strong enough after the first time we met becauseIdidn’t know yet how muchIwould love having him in my life.”
Maybewhen in the middle of desperately missing your ex is not the best time to call him, soIshould probably thankLivifor stopping me.Thedesperation has faded now, but the missing him is still strong.
Also, thinking of him as “my ex” is downright painful andIdon’t ever want to think that thought again.Iforce my focus to be back on the game beforeImake a fool of myself up here.
“Really,”Germansays, “it’s teamwork.Togetherwe will solve this mystery.”
S…S…Comeon,Mackenzie, think of something that starts withS. “Surely, we will.Shouldwe start by measuring the size of the shoe print?”
Therow of people watching starts to murmur, andIknow it’s not because my line was particularly clever.Ihaven’t even turned to see the reason why beforeIseeJacestep up toGermanand tap him on the shoulder.AmIhallucinating?DidImanifest him here?
Germantakes a seat andJaceis standing in front of me, looking like he brought the sun with him.He’ssmiling and beautiful and looking very much not like a hallucination.Hiseyes are warm and it feels like he can see right into me. “Tonight,” he says, “Iwould like to tell you thatImade a big mistake.”
Ishake myself out of just staring at him and having a lot of emotions at hearing the words “made a mistake” enough to realize that he started his sentence with aT.Andthat means he is continuing the game, soIneed to start my next sentence with aU. “Unusual.Doesthis mean you’re here to tell me thatIwas right?”
“Verymuch so.”
“WhatwasIright about?Please, tell me more.”
Hepauses, andItake the moment to thank my lucky stars thatIwasn’t the one who got the letterXbecauseIcan think of nothing.He, though, says, “Exis a terrible word.”
Oh, good one.Anddid he read my thoughts?Inod. “You’reright.It’sa terrible, terrible word.”
“Zerois the number of times thatIever want to use it again.”
Z.AnotherletterI’mglad didn’t fall to me.I’mnot sure if we are continuing the game now that we got toZ, butIstart my next sentence withA, just in case. “Allright.So, how are we going to accomplish the task of never using that word again?”
“Bytelling the truth.Whichis whatIdidnotdo that day on the sidewalk inBaltimore.”
Mychest fills with emotion.EverythingJacesaid that day on the sidewalk had felt so wrong in the moment and has felt so wrong every moment since.Therehave been several times over the past couple of weeks thatIthought maybe it was just me— maybe it had felt just as right to him as it had felt wrong to me.Hearinghim say those words nearly bowls me over with relief and hope.
There’sanother emotion at work in my chest, too.Appreciation.Ithought he would probably stop the game after we got toZ, butIlove that he’s continuing with it.Itcan’t be the easiest way to say what wants to tell me, but he’s putting in the effort to do it, andIknow it’s because he knows it matters to me.
Emotioncomes out in my voice asIsay, “‘Can’tdo this anymore.’That’swhat you said.Andyou didn’t let me disagree.”
Jacenods. “Definitelya lie.Thetruth is,Idon’t ever want my life to not have you in it.Orto not have you tell me whenI’mwrong.”
Myvoice is even more shaky asIverify, “Ever?”
“Foreverwith you in my life.That’swhatIwant.”
“Good, because that’s exactly whatIwant, too.Youin my life.Andus sharing the decision-making.”
“Honestly,” he says, and takes a step closer to me, kicking my heart rate up a notch. “Inever wanted you out of my life.Ijust got scared that the…spreadsheet jockeypart of my life was going to cause problems.”
Ilet out an emotion-filled chuckle. “Isee we are calling it ‘spreadsheet jockey’ now.”Ican’t help but notice that the phrase he chose as a “business solutions” descriptor for his job starts with “sp” and ends with “y.”Hedidn’t choose something like “opportunity to innovative,” which kind of combines its beginning and end to make the word “operative.”Hechose “spy,” which is my word for his job.
Iwant to say something out loud to tell him thatInoticed what he did, but obviously,Ican’t, soIjust grin widely.Bythe look in his eyes when he returns the smile, he knowsIgot it and that it tickles me. “Iwonder…Areyou still scared?”
Jaceshakes his head with a very decisiveno, then pauses a moment, probably thinking of how to start his sentence with aJ.Thenhe says, “Joyand hope is whatIfeel now. ‘Joy’ becauseI’mhere with you and it feels so good after going so long without seeing you. ‘Hope,’ becauseIhopeIcan talk you into us being together again.”
Ikeep myself from being too eager and just shouting, “Yes!”Especiallybecause we aren’t on the letterY.Ipause to consider for a moment, tapping my finger on my lips, trying to fight a smile. “Knowingwhy you want to might help me to make the decision.”
“Loveis why.Wouldyou like me to get specific?BecauseIcan name plenty of thingsIlove about you.”
