“Ido.Butalso, son,Ithink that any time it matters, you’ll be there to protect her.Youare one of the most elite intelligence operatives in the world.Youcan trust your abilities to protect her.AndtheClandestineServicesAgencyis one of the top intelligence agencies in the world.Notonly did we, as a family, learn a lot sinceCharlie’skidnapping, but the agency learned a lot, too.Trustin that and in all of your training.You’llkeep her safe.Don’tspend your whole life worrying and not living.”
Iknow my dad wasn’t there with me in the woods.Butthe memory of him was, strongly.Iam grateful that he was the kind of dad who gave me enough advice in life thatIcould guess what he would say even after death. “Thankyou,Dad,”I’dwhispered into the crisp night air.
He’dgotten me through an incredibly tough night, andIwoke up this morning feeling hope again.LikeIhad shed chains that had been holding me back for so long thatIno longer even realized they were there.
Iturn on the shower, let it run for a few seconds, and then step in before it finishes heating up because being in the woods for two days has a way of making me too uncomfortable to stay in my own dirt-dusted skin.Itilt my face toward the shower head, just letting the water run over me beforeIstart washing my hair.
I’vehad many realizations aboutMackenzieover the past two days, and one of them is that maybe she feels the same about me thatIdo about her.Myjob is to look for truths, and there have been so many truths about howMackenziefeels right in front of me.
Couplesare supposed to figure things out together.Yet,Imade the huge decision to end things without talking it through withMackenzie.Itwas all me.Ididn’t take her opinions or thoughts or desires into consideration at all.Sothe weight and responsibility of the consequences are all on me, too.Itseems like such a stupid choice now thatIcan’t believeIever thought it was the right one.
MaybeIthought it was the right decision becauseIhaven’t had any recent experience with relationships.Ormaybe it’s because my dad has been gone for four years now, soIhaven’t been seeing my parents interact.Noneof my siblings are in serious relationships, either.
OrmaybeIjust really am that big of an idiot to not recognize whatIwas doing.
ButasMilessaid, when relationships fail, we can get back up and try again.Andthat’s exactly whatI’mgoing to do.Idon’t know if the damageIdid is repairable, butIam going to do my best to repair it.
Ialso spent some time thinking aboutMackenzie’sex and about how she was the guy’s second choice.Whichis unfathomable to me and makes no sense whatsoever.Mackenzieis the kind of woman that you thank your lucky stars that you know.Andif she falls in love with you, you consider yourself the luckiest man on earth, and you do whatever it takes to stay worthy of that love.
“Saysthe guy who pushed her away,”Imutter asIrinse the shampoo from my hair.
Ialso know that the jerk never wanted people to think that he andMackenziewere together when they were in public.SoIbet that whenIdeclare my love for her and let her know thatI’mall in— and thatIhope she is too— it will be extra meaningful to her ifIdo it in a more public setting.Thepeople whoIthink will be most meaningful to her to have present are the ones who attend herOutsidetheBubbleevents.Thoseare the relationships she’s nurtured and the people she really cares about.
Andit just so happens that there’s a club meeting tonight thatI’malready late for.Iget out of the shower and towel off quickly before getting dressed in jeans and a t-shirt thatMackenzieonce told me that she loves.ThenItextCharlie.AfterIwent to the last club meeting and toldCharlieall about it, she seemed determined to attend this one.
Jace:Areyou at theOutsidetheBubbleevent?
Charlie:Iam.I’msorry— maybeIshould’ve asked you if that was okay first.
Jace:Ofcourse it’s fine.I’mglad you’re there.I’mcoming.Don’ttellMackenzie.
Shereplies with a string ofEmojisthatIdon’t think quite go together, butIget the gist that she is happy about it.Shetexts that they’re at the old community center building and which door to enter through so she can meet me before going in.
Bythe timeI’vedriven toCipherSprings, parked, and walked inside, it’s forty minutes after the activity began.Charlieis waiting for me in the hallway, pacing, and rushes to me the second she sees me.
“Okay,” she says, her voice coming out in a rush, “it’s improv night, and there’s a drama instructor here.Shetaught us some basics at the beginning, and now we are using them.”
Iglance toward a door down the hallway thatIcan hear muffled voices coming from.Ifeel pulled toward that room, soI’mglad thatCharlieis speaking fast.
“Weare doing a game right now— it’s a mix of reverse tag and theABCgame.Thereare two people up at the front and they’re making up a scene as they go, but the first word of whatever they say has to go in alphabetical order.Sothe first person says something that starts with the letterA, then the next person has to respond by starting with the letterB, and so on.Anyonecan go up and tap the shoulder of one of the people at the front to take their place.”
Inod. “Ican work with that.”
Charlieleads me to a big activity room that has two floor-to-ceiling curtains drawn together in the middle that divide the room in half.Weare in the empty half and the activity is in the other half.Iremember coming to a rock painting class here whenIwas a kid.Thecurtain didn’t do much to muffle the sound or to divide the room well, but after all these years, they’re still here and looking just about as dusty.
Igo to where the two curtains come together and peek through a crack.Twopeople are walking to the front to do an improv scene just as two others are sitting down.Besideme,Charliewhispers, “Thewoman at the front with the silvery hair isBrenda, and the guy doing the scene with her isGerman.”Imet both at the last activity, so they are familiar.
Germanrubs his hands together. “Alrightythen, it looks like we have a case on our hands.”
Brendaraises an eyebrow. “Bloodyfootprints give that away?Orwas it the broken window?”
“Criminalsalways leave clues, don’t they?”Germansays.
FromwhereI’mstanding,I’mlooking at the backs of a curved line of chairs that faceBrendaandGerman, and that’s where everyone else is seated.Thereare several more people at this event than the last one, soMackenzie’srecruitment efforts are paying off.Sheis probably thrilled.
Ispot the back of her hair and a bit of her left cheek.Sheis such a sight for sore eyes, andIfind myself barely breathing even as my chest is filled with elation and trepidation, hope and anxiety, longing and peace.Itfeels like a lifetime has passed sinceIlast saw her, andItake a long moment to just drink her in.
Then,Istart to feel the same rush of adrenalineIalways feel asIam about to head into a high-stakes mission.Andthis is definitely a high-stakes mission.Itry to remind myself not to be afraid of failure, though.ThisisMackenzie.Sheis worth whatever it takes.
