Thedirector immediately walks over from an officer’s desk to greet us.Sheshoots me a quick look that tells me she isn’t thrilled thatIshared withMackenzieabout my job or about the agency, andIhopeMackenziedidn’t catch that bit of non-verbal communication.Idon’t think she did, because her eyes are everywhere, trying to take in too many things.
“Thankyou so much for coming in,” the director says in her soothing,Iwant you to feel calm and at home becauseI’mabout to ask you some questionsvoice, andMackenzie’sshoulders instantly relax a bit.Isee whyMackenziewanted to make sure my mom would be debriefing her because my mom’s presence does seem to make her more comfortable.It’sone of the reasons why my mom is so legendary as an intelligence officer and as theCSADirector.
Thedirector invitesMackenzie,Charlie, and me to one of the conference rooms at the back.AsMackenziewalks through the door into the small room, my mom points out that there’s a scanner in the doorframe that checks for listening devices, that our device that suppresses signal transference is always active, and as she shuts the door and presses the button to darken the wall of windows that separate us from the main area of my department, says that no one can see us.
Idon’t know thatMackenziefinds all that comforting, though.FromwhatIcan see on her face, it mostly reminds her that things here are pretty serious and that she should’ve been worrying about those things all along.Shemeets my eyes, andIknow she’s looking for reassurance.Imake sure that my voice and every action exude stability, security, care, and encouragement asIsay, “It’sall overkill for something like this, though.”
Itake off my suit coat, too, to show that this is more casual, and hang it on the back of my chair, thenIloosen my tie and unfasten my top button.Idon’t miss the smile that pulls at the corners ofMackenzie’slips whenIdo.Good.It’llhelp her relax.AndIcan’t sayImind being able to affect her that way.
Weall sit in the rolling office chairs, but my mom has subtly maneuvered the four of us to form a small circle at the side of the room instead of sitting around the table.Shemust’ve thought it would be less intimidating forMackenzie.
Thedirector starts asking questions, mostly about what happened and whatMackenziesaw, andCharliethrows in questions as we go.ButCharlie’sare mostly questions based on curiosity about things she couldn’t see or hear, like “Whatdid you two do to pass the time while you were at the safe house?”
“That’sa need-to-know question,”Isay, “and you don’t need to know.”
“Ididn’t sayIneedto know—Iwantto know.”Charlieturns her focus back onMackenzie. “Didyou two kiss?Mybrother is treating you well, right?”
IflashCharliea look just as my mom says, “Charlotte.”
Fora moment,I’mbugged atCharliefor asking.ButthenMackenzielaughs, andIsee a pleased look onCharlie’sface.Ithits me thatCharlieisn’t being a nosy sister right now— even though she’s playing that part— she’s being the elite operative that she is.Sheknew howMackenziewould respond before she even asked.
Andknowing, asIdo, what question is coming next,Charlieprobably guessed thatMackenziewould need a lighthearted question like that to pull her away from the ones about threat actors chasing her.Charlieis incredibly intuitive about stuff like this.Idon’t give her nearly enough credit.
“Iknow,Iknow,”Charliesays. “Somequestions are more appropriately asked outside of these walls.Iwithdraw.”Butthen she points between herself andMackenzieand stage whispers, “You’lltell me later, right?”
I’mgrateful forCharlie, because my mom’s next question is, “Didyou notice anything unusual on your street or around your house in the past week?”
Mackenzietells about theFBIagent on her street, then as she starts to tell about not really noticing anything on her walks, she stops talking and bites her lip before she begins to cry.Notbig or wailing.Justsilent tears running down her face that she doesn’t seem to appreciate.
Honestly, today was physically and emotionally alot— for anyone— andI’msurprised the crying didn’t come sooner.Notonly was an evil corporation after her at high speeds, but she found out that she’d been in danger all week, that the danger was near the home that she shares with her sister, brother-in-law, and infant niece, and that the guy she is dating has been hiding information about who he is.
Ifwe weren’t sitting in a conference room in theCSAoffices,Iwould wrap my arms aroundMackenzieand hold her tight until she has cried all she needs to.Itfeels very inappropriate here, though, andIget the sense thatMackenziewould not appreciate it.
Thecouple of tears that first escaped are turning into sobbing, and it’s allIcan do to not pull her onto my lap and say something comforting into her ear asIrun my hand down her hair.Instead,Igrab a tissue from the side table and hand it to her.
Shetries to stop crying almost instantly. “I’mso sorry thatI’mcrying.Thisis so embarrassing.”Shewaves a hand in front of her eyes like a little wind could dry up her tears.
Mymom reaches out to take one ofMackenzie’shands in hers, patting it with her other hand. “It’sokay.Whatyou’re experiencing is belated shock.Oftentimes, we don’t process a situation at the time it’s happening because our brain is too busy dealing with everything else that is going on.Soit isn’t until a quiet moment later that it all hits.Thisis completely normal and absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about.”Sheleans over, grabs the entire tissue box, and places it on the table nearMackenzie. “Wekeep these in here for that very reason.”
Weactually keep them in here because one of the analysts,Bert, has terrible seasonal allergies, not because we ever have assets in this room.ButIapprove of the comment.IndebriefingsI’vehad with assets, it’s always the questions like the one the director just asked— the ones that make people think about the danger beyond whatever situation just happened— that really gets them.Mymom isn’t lying when she says it is normal.
Mackenziedabs at her tears. “Thankyou.I’mkind of surprised that my body is reacting this way becauseIreally am fine.I’mnot normally a crier at all.Imean, everything was quiet at the safe house whenJacewas asleep on my lap, andIdidn’t cry then.Idon’t know whyIam now.”
Mymom andCharlieboth look over at me, seeming uncharacteristically similar as both raise a curious eyebrow in question.Idon’t even know how to respond— allIknow is thatInow have a tingling at the base of my neck andI’mvery ready to have this debriefing end.
Mackenziedabs at the last of her tears, then answers the original question by saying that she did notice a man in a car that was hanging around her work a lot, and there was a blackSUVthat kind of seemed like it was following her after leaving the outdoor mall.Mymom assures her that those were allFBIagents andI’massured that if anyone was watching her for any extended periods, she or her sister would’ve noticed.
Mymom asks a few more questions, and then tellsMackenzie, “Well,I’mhappy to assure you that the threat is gone now, so you don’t need to worry about it anymore.Thankyou for being so accommodating by coming here to let us ask you questions.”Shestands. “Jacewill be able to take you home in just a minute, but first, do you mind ifIsteal him away for a moment?”
Mackenzieshakes her head. “Ofcourse not.”
IknowI’llonly be on the other side of the door, butIstill hate leavingMackenzieright now.Itake one last look at her, give her a smile, and then step out onto the floor with the director.
“Youwere right,” she says, and it surprises me. “IncludingMackenziein on this mission was a good idea.Wethink that havingMackenzieattend the gala with you was what drew outCryptexEndeavor’sleader today.Wedon’t think he would’ve shown his face if he hadn’t known you were both together at that café.Goodwork.”
Isay thank you, but her words don’t thrill me the wayI’msure she thinks they will.Idon’t feel likeIdid a good job—Ifeel likeIput a womanIcare deeply about in harm’s way.Therewere some very bad guys after us today.Andnot only that but high-speed chases on motorcycles always come with risks.AndI’mthe one who put her in that situation.
Tolessen the pressure of the guilt just a bit,Iask the other thingI’vebeen wondering about. “Sinceyou requested that we come in together for this debriefing,Itake it you heard thatItoldMackenzieabout theCSAand my role in it?”Protocolstates that if you want to read in someone you’re in a relationship with, you get clearance to do so first.Theagency will then vet the person before granting permission.Ididn’t do any of that.
