Withmost of my patients,Iask a lot of questions about them.Itmakes them more comfortable, distracts them from the pain, and gives me an insight into their lives outside of physical therapy.Thathelps me to get a good idea of either how they are contributing to their injuries or how well they are doing the exercisesIassign them to do at home.
ButnotHammy.Hammynever seems interested in talking about himself— he always wants to hear about me, and he can somehow always get me to share.Sohe knows much more about me than any other of my other patients do.ButwithHammy,I’msurprisingly okay with that.
WhatIdo know about him is that he was rather adventurous in his younger years and has a lot of old injuries from extreme sports.Thingslike sky diving, snowmobiling, parkour, motorcycle racing, race car driving, rappelling, parasailing.Youname it, he’s done it, and he has the injuries to prove it.Today, we are working on an old shoulder injury.
Ihave him remove his shirt, and thenIgo to work, using the ultrasound to send deep heat into the tissue.He’shad ultrasound therapy on plenty of other body parts, so, not needing any kind of explanation from me, he goes straight to the questions.
“So, how are things going with your ‘mystery man’?”
(Forthe record,Iam not the one who toldHammythatIhave a mystery man.It’sjust evidence of how connectedHammyis with the people of this small town.Andhow much they like “sharing good news” about each other.)
“Idon’t know,”Isay honestly asIsquirt some of the warmed gel on his shoulder beforeIstart moving it around with the wand. “Ikind of freaked out while he was at my apartment last night.”
“Thatdoesn’t sound good.”
“Thething is,Ireally like him, andIthink we have a lot of chemistry.AndI’mpretty sure he really likes me, too.Butit always feels like one of us is pulling away.Iknow whyIam, andI’msure he has a good reason as to why he is, too.ButI’mworried thatIleft him last night with the impression thatI’mnot really interested in him.ButIam.”
Hammynods for a minute, thinking, whileIfocus on moving the ultrasound wand along the area with the worst of his injuries.That’sthe thing aboutHammy.Helistens intently and doesn’t just spout off the first thing that comes into his mind.Heconsiders things first.
“Maybewe should talk about why you are pulling back.”
“Wereyou a psychologist in your past life?”
“Somethinglike that.”
Idon’t know what he did for a living while he was off getting all these injuries, but the amused smileIsee on his face tells me it wasn’t exactly psychology.Ichuckle. “Dowe have to talk about it?”
“Notat all,”Hammysays in a jovial voice. “Youare totally free to just keep pulling back when you’re around him.I’mnot going to force you to do anything.”
Itake a deep breath.He’sright, andIknow it. “Okay, um, let me think howIcan make this story short.Idated a guy,Dan, for two years.Everythingwas mostly great, andIwas hearing wedding bells in our future.Kids, too.Theonly relationship flagInoticed at the time was that he didn’t like going anywhere public.Hetold me it was because he didn’t care about others— he only cared about me and wanted to get as much alone time with me as possible.
“Andwhen we did go out andItried to get a picture of us, he never wanted to be in it, and he especially didn’t want me posting a picture of the two of us on social media.There’sa lot to the story, but the short of it is thatIfound out two years into our relationship thatIwas his ‘side chick.’He’dbeen engaged to someone else nearly the entire time, and they were getting married four weeks after he andIbroke up.”
“Ouch,”Hammysays as he shifts his shoulder a bit soIcan better get at his supraspinatus tendon.Heknows the drill so well.
“Yeah.Hehad been waving a black flag— the worst flag of them all— the whole time andIhadn’t even realized it.Itwasn’t an easy thing to get over.”Youstill haven’t gotten over it, a voice in my head says.
Ididn’t ask for your opinion,Isay back to the voice.Becausereally,Iknow this and don’t need to be reminded.
“Andthis manI’vebeen going on dates with doesn’t seem to like me taking pictures of us or posting on social media, either.”
“Alot of people don’t, and their reasons aren’t all because they’re cheating.”
“Iknow.AndwhenIfreaked out about that a couple of days ago whenIwas with him,Itold myself thatIdon’t need to freak out because he isn’tDan, andIneed to stop acting like he is and stop assuming that the outcome is going to be the same.”
“That’ssome solid advice.Igive it five stars.”
“Andthen after he left last night, it hit me thatIam acting as ifIam the same personIwas whenIwas withDan, andI’mnot.Sothe outcome isn’t going to be the same because of that, either.”
“Anotherpiece of solid advice.I’llgive you another five stars for that.”
Itell him thanks and have him shift to his side soIcan go around the backside of his shoulder.Weare both quiet for a couple of minutes asIwork before he says, “You’restill nervous.”Itwasn’t a question, just a statement.
“Iam.Becausehow doIknow that he’s not likeDan?Ihave no evidence.ImeanIhopeI’velearned enough by going through it not to pick a guy who has the same issues, but people do that all the time.”Iturn off the ultrasound, wipe the gel off the wand, then wipe it off his shoulder.
Hammyrolls and then sits with his legs off the side of the padded table, andIstart moving his arm to stretch the different muscles in his shoulder.
“Ihave a plan,” he announces triumphantly.AndIgrin because he never has a plan from the start— not until he asks more questions and really thinks about it.Thenhe tells me something brilliant. “Govisit him at his work.Hecame here to let you know he likes you and to ask you on your first date, right?Soit’s appropriate to do the same.”
