Cassidy pressed on as if she hadn’t heard a word I said. “It doesn’t matter if other people are doing it. It matters ifyouare.”
“Flawed logic,” I pointed out as I neatly sawed my broccoli floret in half.
Her nostrils flared in annoyance.
“How is it flawed?” she asked, though I could tell she didn’t really want to know.
“You assume I want to be tied down with screaming babies. At this time in my life, I have no desire to saddle myself with things that require constant supervision for the first two years of their lives.” This wasn’t exactly true. I did want kids. I just wasn’t interested in telling someone my secret and getting shunned over it.
My friend blinked at me. “Two?” she said. Her brow furrowed together and a soft snort escaped her nose.
“Isn’t that right?” I inquired. “Two years where you constantly have to be at their beck and call?” I knew next to nothing about children, but before the age of two not a lot of children could walk or do anything much of importance except for scream and poop themselves.
Something that seemed like amusement sparkled in Cassidy’s eyes. “Yes,” she said, her expression stoic, at odds with the weird look in her eye. “Two years. That’s all.”
Her lips twitched.
“Are you making fun of me?” I demanded. I speared my broccoli with my fork and shoved it in my mouth. Chewing ferociously, I glared at her.
“A little,” she admitted. Cassidy sat back in her chair and stared at me. “You’re gorgeous, Maron. Anyone would want to procreate with you.”
I choked on a piece of greenery and took in a few heaving breaths to steady myself. I held up a finger. “First of all. Eww. Second, I don’t want tojustprocreate. I would like to have a meaningful relationship, preferably with someone who also doesn’t want children. Right now.”
Cassidy’s expression went from amused to guarded. “Wait. Are you serious? You really don’t want children?”
I shrugged. “Someday. But why in the world would I want to bring upon them what happened to me? It’s obviously some kind of genetic quirk. What if I have a daughter the same way?”
My friend’s expression softened. “Then I’d expect you’d love them the way you would have wanted to be loved.”
Unbidden tears swam up to my eyes, and I blinked furiously to keep them from spilling. “But what about everyone else, Cassidy? The world is a lot bigger than just the two of us. Wanting kids is one thing. I can’t just go out and tackle someone down to the ground and have them impregnate me. Not without a prison sentence.”
Cassidy held her hands up in surrender. “You win the day. I can’t argue with your weird logic. But I will say that life is about struggle. But it’s also about victory when the struggle is won. Sometimes the struggle is within ourselves and the only person we’re fighting is the demon within us.”
I waved my broccoli at her. “Deep.”
The waitress chose that moment to drop the check on our table. I pushed it over to Cassidy. “Since you made it awkward, you get to pick up the check.”
She growled in annoyance but dropped a few bills down on top of it.
I smiled sweetly at her. “Thanks for your concern. I’ll take it into consideration.”
Cassidy rolled her eyes as she stood. “No, you won’t.” She grabbed her purse. “Enjoy your rabbit food.”
I waved my fork and watched as she walked out of the restaurant.
She was wrong. I would think about it. Figuring out how to have a productive relationship had been on my mind for the last two years. I just never said anything about it because I still hadn’t figured it out.
I finished my salad, dropped a couple extra bills on the top of the pile Cassidy had left just in case there wasn’t enough, and slid out of the booth.