2
Lucas
“No,” I said, trying my best not to get pissed off at my well-meaning brother. “I have no interest in dating desperate women on the internet!”
My brother, Sam, the exact physical opposite of me, also looked like he was trying not to get pissed off at me. “These arenotdesperate women on the internet, you tool. These are women hand-picked by Portia Kadish. If you know anything about her, you know if you aren’t right for the woman you choose, she won’t set you up!”
I stared at him. “How the hell would I know what Portia Kadish is doing or does with her women?” I shouted.
“Because she runs the whole damn town, Lucas, and people we love have been set up by them! Do you not pay attention to anything?”
“I pay attention to important shit. Not who has the cutest outfit on or who likes long walks on the beach.”
My brother let out a long-suffering sigh and threw the sheet of paper at me. “It’s for a month. We all went in on it, including Mom and Dad. Do you really want to answer why you didn’t use a gift from Mom over Christmas dinner?”
I glared at him and swept the paper up from the ground. “I hate you,” I muttered.
“Which is exactly why you need a woman to soften those edges. If you don’t get one, we’re going to hold you down and use sandpaper.”
I snorted with laughter and called him an asshole.
Sam rolled his eyes at me and shook his head. "If I'm an asshole, I have no idea what that makes you, because you are occasionally the worst. I have no idea why you're so resistant to meeting someone. This dating thing was not my idea, by the way, but I couldn't figure out another way to get you to see reason."
"So you chose parental guilt?"
Sam shrugged. "Hey, it's been working since the dawn of time. No reason for it to stop now."
I had every reason in the world not to want someone to settle down with. First, I had no desire for a woman around lamenting about the state of her hair or nails or asking me if she looked fat in something. If you looked fat, nine times out of ten you knew it, and you were either a) looking for flattery or b) looking for someone to lie to you. Neither one sat well with me. Also, I didn't really want to get married. I mean, sometimes I'd think about it because that's something most people want, but with the statistics surrounding marriage these days, I had to admit, the numbers weren't on my side. Or anyone else’s for that matter.
Also, I couldn't care less about Portia Kadish and her dating service. Part of me thought it must be some kind of creative sorcery on her part, because no one stayed together for as long as she could claim. At least happily. I'd seen a couple of people who'd been the result of her handiwork around town and they looked happy. I looked happy also, but inside I was hiding a secret that could send the foundations of our town crumbling down around us.
I know that sounded super dramatic, but it was true. And it was the final nail in my dating coffin. I did not want some woman around me asking questions and getting her nose into something that didn't concern her.
Also, I was unsure I could actually fall in love. Genuine affection? Sure. But soul aching love? Meh. Didn't seem like my kind of bag. Now don't get my wrong. I loved a pretty woman in a short skirt. Or pants. Or pajamas. Or nothing tended to be my favorite, but actually spending copious amounts of time with them and not being annoyed? Hadn't happened yet. I wasn't sure it ever would.
Thus me staring at the slip of paper I'd picked up like it was a snake poised to strike.
"Well, thanks for that," I said to Sam. "May the winds of revenge gently fluff your hair right before it unhinges its jaw and bites your head off."
My brother blinked at me. "Creativeandviolent. Nice. You're stepping up your game."
"I will pay you back for this and it will be glorious."
Sam grinned at me, showing a mouth full of wide and perfect teeth, complete with two sharp fangs. "Go right ahead. I, in the meantime, will be watching you try to avoid this. I can't wait until we have dinner with Mom and Dad."
I clenched my jaw together. It was family tradition to eat with our parents once a week. Usually it was nice. Lately, things had been tense, no thanks to me. My mom could ferret out a secret like a dog realizing its owner was hiding a treat. So I had to tread carefully during dinner time time these days. And I knew she knew it because she'd drop questions innocently to probe and I had to catch myself from an automatic response. She was tricky, that one.
My brother punched me in the shoulder and pulled me in for a brief hug. "Relax. This will be fun. And, if it's not, all you have to do is go on a few dates to show our parents you're trying." Sam shrugged. "Not sure they're going to believe Portia didn't find the right girl for you, but that's on you to work out. I'll do what I can, but I think this is going to be good for you. You're almost 30, dude, time to start thinking about progeny and wills, and estate planning and your ultimate demise."
I pressed my lips together to keep from laughing.
"We're vampires, dumb ass."
Sam grinned as he started to walk out of the room. "Yes, but if you piss off your date by cheaping out and she brought something pointy along...you can't say I didn't warn you."
The door shut behind him and I stood staring at the space he'd left behind. He might think this was going to be good for me, but I could almost guarantee it would be a disaster. And I wasn't so sure Portia hookedeveryoneup who was right for each other. Then you wouldn't get to play the field, so to speak.
Not that I was interested in playing the field. I could do that easily enough right now. But I was into the women who didn't want anything from me except a free dinner and some recreational sport. And I wasn't talking about football.
