A rush of warmth floods my mouth and then my lungs.
It’s blood.
I cough once…and it sprays outward, red and violent.
My vision flickers. Darkness pulses at the edges. I feel my body shift beneath me, but the pain is already fading.
Distant.
I hear the sounds of the creature feasting, somewhere behind me now, muffled. Either it or Iamfar away. I let myself drift. There’s warmth now: a strange, quiet warmth.
Dying isn’t so bad. It feels like silk wrapping around me, like sleep.
The pain melts, not just this pain but all of it: the lessons, the scars, and the expectations.
I am expected to be strong, useful, rare.
I’m tired of doing this alone—tired of missing her. I have no one. Not really.
Arcadia will survive without me. I know she always does.
Rare…? Is this how rare dies?
Maybe being rare was never real.
I can rest now. I used to try and get high enough to see her.
Now I can.
I’m coming, Mama.
I SIT IN A BOTTOMLESS pit. There’s no edge, ceiling, or light. It’s just quiet. And I’m content to look around. I feel no pain—not anymore.
What was causing my pain?
Actually, who am I?
I rise slowly, barefoot in this nothingness I begin to explore. The void stretches endlessly in all directions. I walk anyway.
After a while, however long, two shapes ripple into existence beside me.
Panthers.
They walk at my sides, and I can’t help but smile as they take turns nudging me with their massive heads.
“Hello,” I say tenderly, running my hands over their sleek fur. It’s velvet-soft beneath my fingertips. Unbidden, the familiar names float up from somewhere deep within me.
Nyx. Twyx.
I know them. I know their names. I made them, long ago.
I sink onto the ground again, not because I’m tired but because it feels right. The panthers curl around me like shadows made soft. I let them.
We remain there in the nothing. Together.
And I pet their heads slowly—over and over—as if I could remember the shape of myself through their touch.
Chapter 31
