‘Lily? Do you hear me?’
After an instinctive ‘Yep’ Lily replied, ‘Look, I have to go and say goodbye to Nigel and then I have to go to work.’
‘Oh yes, how exciting for Nigel. Isn’t he clever?’ Denise said.
As opposed to me,Lily thought, but said nothing.
‘All right, sweetheart. Tomorrow, break a leg. I’m sure you’ll be fantastic.’
Lily felt her mother’s expectations fall hard on her as she hung up the phone. Experiencing unexpected exhaustion, she leaned against the counter.
Nigel walked into the kitchen with plates and some glasses from his bedroom. ‘How was Rose Hovick today?’ he asked with an arched eyebrow.
‘She’s worse than Rose. She makes Rose look like she was just encouraging Gypsy. Denise is ready to start auditioning herself, I think.’
Nigel put his arm around her and squeezed her shoulders tightly. ‘Avoid letting her affect you. You’re doing great, thank you. You’re living your dream, putting in a lot of work, and going on auditions. More than most people could say – that.’
Lily gave a little laugh. ‘I know, I’m just feeling a bit fragile and she really knows how to get under my skin.’ She made a sad face at him. ‘What am I going to do without you? You’re my live-in cheerleader.’
‘Oh, you’ll be fine,’ Nigel dismissively stated while waving a hand. ‘You’ll be so busy being a star, you won’t even notice I’m gone.’
Lily finished her tea in the ramekin as Nigel got his things ready to leave. Why did she feel so weird about everything lately? She felt happy for him but so terrified for herself.
Stop making this about you, Lily,she told herself as Nigel came into the kitchen.
‘I’ve cleaned my room, so you can rent it out for a few weeks if you like. I’ve paid my rent up anyway, but you could rent it if you want some more cash.’
‘You’re a gem,’ she said, meaning it.
‘I would stay to clean this up, but I don’t want to,’ he said looking around the kitchen and living room at the mess of dishes and music and papers.
‘You’re such a good friend,’ she said sarcastically.
‘Toughen up, sunshine. I’ll call you tomorrow to run through the song before the audition, okay?’
They gave each other one more hug as they stood in the doorway with Nigel’s suitcases at his feet. Nigel said, ‘Knock ’em dead, Baxter,’ into her hair. ‘And please, be kind to yourself. Do what makes you happy. Sometimes I worry you’ve forgotten what makes you happy.’
Lily nodded while stifling her tears. ‘I know. I’ll work on it. Now go, or you’ll miss your train.’
Lily leaned against the door as it closed behind Nigel, taking in the sudden silence of the room. She groaned, taking a quick look at the time. It was time to prepare for yet another day of pointless calls and turned-down sales pitches.
Lily looked in the full-length mirror at herself as she got ready for work. She stopped and gave herself a serious look. Everyone seemed so much more interesting than her when she went to the auditions. Was there still a place for a classical soprano with an antique face in a world of pop princesses and belting divas?
She shook her head, attempting to shake away the negative thoughts.
But Lily couldn’t get rid of the feeling that something bad was coming, like she was standing on the edge of something and there wasn’t a guard rail. One wrong step and she could fall and never come back again, but she didn’t want to tell Nigel that; she didn’t want to tell anyone that. No, she would just get on with it. That’s all she could do. She locked the door behind her and left the flat. She squared her shoulders, inhaled deeply, and stepped out into the London morning. She had promised herself and Nigel that she would try and find what made her happy, on stage or off. That was her goal for now.
2
The lights of the Theatre Royal were blinding as Lily Baxter stood in the centre of the stage. This was her third callback for the role of Éponine inLes Misérablesand she could feel her heart beating so loudly, she wondered if the producers and director could hear it from the stalls. She waited for the first chords from the piano for her moment to sing the iconic song ‘I Dreamed a Dream’ from the musical.
The first audition had been a general one. They were asked to sing in groups, and Lily had made it through; then the second was singing in a chorus and then alone for a few bars of ‘On my Own’ from the show, and now she was back again the next day. This was it. Her moment. She had been asked to sing alone, on the stage, ready for her spotlight.
The familiar opening bars of ‘I Dreamed a Dream' filled the cavernous space and despite the heat from the lights, she felt cool and calm. She stepped forward, took a deep breath, opened her mouth, and… nothing. Not a single note escaped her lips.
What’s happening?Lily’s mind raced. She had warmed up in her flat that morning, ignoring the man below banging on the ceiling with a broom in objection.Come on, voice. Work!She’d sung this song a thousand times – in the shower, on the Tube, even in her sleep.
From the darkened auditorium, she heard the shuffle of papers, the scratch of a pen.
