She thought about her girls, her trinity of daughters. She knew they wouldn’t come. Where were they? She felt tears fall and tried to wipe them away but her arms wouldn’t obey her. She tried to cry out, but who would hear her?
She cried silently on the floor, helplessly. Grace, Violet, Carlotta, she wanted to scream but the words wouldn’t come out. She saw them as small children; they had their own language, they could communicate without words, each looking out for each other, Carlotta taking care of Violet, Violet taking care of Grace.
‘Grace wants a drink,’ Violet would say.
‘I didn’t hear her ask,’ she would answer.
‘She told me in her mind,’ Violet would tell her.
Carlotta knew before she did when Violet was sick and when she was in pain. When Carlotta fell off the horse, Violet and Grace were at her side before the officials even realised she was hurt.
When did they stop being sisters? Why did they not communicate now? Could they hear her now? Did they know she was hurt, that she needed help?
She lay on the floor and closed her eyes and saw their faces. She focused on them and slowed her breathing. Be calm, she told herself, and she began to become tired, so tired. She dreamed she whispered in each of their ears. ‘I need help.’
And then there was nothing. Only darkness.
30
Grace left the apartment in a daze with Violetta. ‘Do you wanna get a coffee or something?’ she asked.
‘Sure.’
They wandered along the street in silence till they found a reasonable coffee shop and headed inside.
‘What do you think?’ asked Grace.
‘I think that the test is a mere formality,’ said Violetta.
‘You really think that?’ asked Grace.
‘Come on, do you think Mom is the type to sleep around?’
‘No, not really.’
‘How are you holding up?’ asked Violetta.
‘I’m OK,’ said Grace vaguely.
‘How’s your bike courier?’
‘Ah, not so great. We broke up.’
‘Why?’ asked Violetta as she put a sugar into her coffee.
‘I don’t know, I just wanted some time to sort things out about Matthew and Mom and work.’
‘Do you love him?’ asked Violetta.
‘Yes. But it’s not always enough, is it? Look at Mom and Spencer.’
Violetta said nothing. The past weeks with Jeff were like a dream. They were busy in their work and she still had filming obligations, but when they saw each other it was incredible. Not just the sex but the laughter and conversations. Jeff was so smart and yet so unaware of the world. Violetta introduced him to a world of pop culture and fun, which Jeff had never known before. She had even stopped smoking and started to run with him. Not all the way but she was working on it.
Violetta nodded. ‘Listen, Gracie, I have to tell you something.’
Grace put her head in her hands and leaned forward. ‘Oh God, what now?’
‘It’s not bad, at least I don’t think it is.’
