His body went so rigid against mine he could’ve been carved out of granite, and his hand flexed against my chest in a disconcerting, about-to-pop-eviscerating-claws kind of way.
“I didn’t wantyou, and I still don’t,” he ground out, his emphasis onyouvery clear. “I want you to pay for being an entitled, smarmy asshole. And I want a hole to fuck. You think you were so irresistible, Castelli? Drunk and high and barely coherent, stinking of liquor, throwing your money around, hitting on anyone who held still long enough, making absurd demands and expecting everyone to cater to you? Get real. No one fucked you, no one even smiled at you, unless they were getting paid for it. And getting paid wasn’t nearly enough for me to touch you with someone else’s dick that night. Let alone touch yours.”
I stared at the wall, keeping my eyes wide open and unblinking. If I closed them, if I gave them a chance to, they’d start leaking, I knew it. I could feel the moisture right there, all ready to gather and fall.
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Every word had hit harder than the last.
Because I’d never really thought about it from the perspective of any of the people I’d hired or tipped to…cater to my absurd demands, to put it in MacKenna’s words.
I wanted to deny it. At least in the privacy of my own head, I longed to refute it.
But the naked contempt in his voice crushed any efforts in that direction. He really felt that way about me. And I hadn’t treated him any differently than I had any other service-y type of person I’d ever had following me around in a hotel or a casino or a club, cleaning up after me and bringing me what I wanted and looking pretty for me.
Except for the whole getting him fired thing. But I still couldn’t remember that, and I knew for a fact I’d never done that before or since. If someone didn’t do their actual job correctly? Yeah, maybe. But not for turning me down for an extra.
Anyway, that wasn’t really me. I’d blame the drugs, except that I doubted MacKenna would accept that excuse. He couldn’t spank and knot a baggie of X.
Me or not me, that was how he’d seen me. And if I’d given him that impression even before I got him fired, then that was probably how the other staff had seen me, too.
Had they all hated and despised me all these years? I was kind of charming, right? I knew I was. Who didn’t like a tall, handsome alpha?
MacKenna, apparently. He preferred twiggy twinks with seductive hips. Or at least he was willing to be nice to them, and wouldn’t waste so much as a single kind word on me.
I wanted to curl up and cover my face and pull a blanket over my head. Get in the shower and stay there, sit on the tile with my forehead resting on my knees for a week, or at least until the water ran cold.
But I couldn’t. I had to lie here perfectly still with MacKenna’s knot in me and the rest of his body surrounding me.
The pressure of his hand on my chest started to feel like a ten-ton weight. I couldn’t breathe. The wall had gone all blurry and dim.
This was what I got for being a smart-ass. For asking a question I should’ve known I wouldn’t like the answer to.
Panic bubbled in my chest, filling all the space that should’ve been occupied by oxygen. I had to get away from him. I had to. But his knot still showed no sign of getting any smaller.
Somehow, I managed to keep it all inside: shame and shock and sudden doubts, my desperation to escape and be alone. I clamped my teeth down on my lower lip to make sure no more idiocy got out of my mouth.
We lay there, both of us tense, both of us completely silent, until at long, long last his knot shrank down to almost the size of the rest of his cock. MacKenna loosened his grip around my chest. It didn’t help much with the hard lump that seemed to have taken up residence in my sternum. Without a word, he started to pull out of me, his knot popping free and the rest of his cock sliding out.
That felt bizarre all on its own.
But the sensation of hollowness he left behind felt infinitely worse. My body had gotten used to having him in there, even if I hadn’t. And the thought of how my ass must look, open and used, especially since I could feel his come trickling out of me the moment he withdrew…MacKenna could see me like that.
He’d seen it, and he’d remember it, and now that was what I was to him.
Not just a hole to fuck, but a thoroughly fucked hole. He might not even want me anymore, for whatever value of “want” he’d assigned to me, now that he’d turned me from an anal virgin into his wet, slutty thing.
And then I’d be willing to bet he’d have no qualms at all about handing me off to the cops and never thinking about me again.
MacKenna paused for a moment, his hand still on my hip, his body not touching mine anymore, but still so close. Looking at my ass, I knew it, because I could feel the weight and heat of his gaze like a physical touch.
Yeah. I closed my eyes and breathed as deeply as I could, willing it to be over.
And then it was. He let go of me abruptly, rolled off the bed, and strode away. I peeked from under my lashes in time to see him disappearing into the bathroom.
“That’s all for now,” he called back over his shoulder, and then he shut the door.
