A second later I heard his door shut, and I took a few deep breaths. Alone. I had some time alone, and I could get it together. When my eyes opened, I had to blink to try to clear the blurriness, but maybe my heart rate had gone down a tiny bit?
Undressing and showering took a lot longer than it should have, what with my clumsy fingers fumbling all my buttons, and the way I tripped trying to get out of my pants, and then my incredible reluctance to touch myself the way I needed to in order to wash in all the right places.
But at last, lightheaded from too long under too-hot water, presumably clean enough, and with my heart still thumping away, I shut off the shower and wrapped a towel around my waist, wiping a hand over the mirror so I could get a look at what Dimitri would be seeing when he came into my bedroom in a minute.
I wasn’t impressed, and I doubted he would be either. Without my glasses on—and I wouldn’t be wearing my glasses during sex, Jesus, I wasn’t quite that much of a nerd—I had a slightly pinched look around the eyes, and divots in the bridge of my nose. Nice shoulders, though. Broad for my height.
Which would be a bug, not a feature, for a guy who had no interest in men.
Fuck it. A quick brush of my teeth, even though we wouldn’t be kissing, and then I ditched the towel, headed into my bedroom, and hesitated. Under the covers? Would he laugh at me for being a prude? Face down, ass up? That had the advantage of being no-nonsense.
I compromised by getting out some lube and setting it on the nightstand, and then folding down the blanket and bedspread and sliding under the sheet, pulling that up to my waist.
The house lay in silence; Dimitri had probably finished with his own shower. My hearing, at least, was as good as the average werewolf’s. “Dimitri? I’m ready,” I said, knowing that his alpha ears would probably pick it up even if I whispered.
A second later the door across the hall opened followed by heavy footsteps, and then my own door opened.
Dimitri had gone for a T-shirt and boxers, both black, and the sight of him framed in my doorway took away what little breath I had left.
Jesus, he was big. From his broad shoulders and bulging biceps down to his tree-trunk legs and giant Yeti feet, he had all the proportions you’d expect of an alpha, and then some.
I couldn’t help my eyes flicking down to the front of his boxers. Even soft, that visible bulge, visible even without my glasses on…I swallowed hard, another wave of dizziness hitting me. I’d gotten fucked exactly twice, when I was a junior in college and thought I ought to give it a fair shot. While it hadn’t hurt, or anything traumatic like that, it hadn’t been good. Just mechanical. A thing moving in and out of me. The guy I’d been seeing had gone way out of his way to be gentle, careful, checking in with me every two seconds to make sure he hadn’t made me uncomfortable.
His constant concern had made mesofucking uncomfortable. I hadn’t relaxed for even a moment.
“So, um. I’m ready,” I said, when the silence had stretched to the breaking point, Dimitri not moving a muscle.
Finally he took a step into the room, shutting the door behind him. “You already use that?” He jerked his chin toward…the lube, right.
Dammit, what had I been thinking? He wouldn’t want to finger me.Iwouldn’t want him to finger me, either, obviously.
“No. I mean, sorry. I should have. I guess that’s what you thought I meant by ‘ready,’ right?”
He took another step, and then another, ratcheting up my tension foot by foot.
“Go ahead,” he said, his voice gone deeper. “But I don’t mind doing it if you’d rather. I have a better angle. You know, point of view.”
I snatched the lube off the nightstand so quickly I nearly sprained my arm.Point of view?The only thing worse than watching Dimitri finger me open for his no-doubt massive cock would be watching him watch his fingers working inside my body.
Although once I got the bottle open and reached under the sheet, twisting my wrist at an intensely unergonomic angle, watching him watch me attempt to work my fingers inside my body turned out to be even worse. I got all flushed and sweaty, trying to keep from wincing as I pushed a finger in, the smoothness of my own flesh all weird and wrong—it felt like something I might want to fuck, and that gave me the heebie-jeebies. Not to mention it didn’t feel good, and I didn’t want it, and—
“Pull the sheet off and give me the lube, for fuck’s sake,” Dimitri said, and strode forward the last few feet, reaching for the sheet as he did.
“Wait! Hang on, I can—eep!”
I flailed as he whipped the sheet off of me, baring me to his dark, intent gaze. I had my knees up and a finger in me, and I pulled it out too quickly, the sting of it making me wince after all, and scuttled backward like a crab caught in an extremely compromising position.
Something in my expression of horror must have told him I was more than simply embarrassed, because he backed off a step, raising his hands in front of him.
“Hey,” he said, low and calm. Like he was talking to a spooked animal. “Hey. It’s okay. We have to do this, but I know you don’t really want to. I’d like to help.”
My whole body vibrated with the force of my galloping heartbeat, and my vision had gone blurry again. Two hazy Dimitris stood in front of me, both of them not. Helping. At all.
The tension in my legs had me nearly paralyzed…and then I realized theywereparalyzed, so stiff I couldn’t move them at all. My arm gave a little jerk, snapping away from my body.
Reality faded out completely, and my last thought was,Oh, shit.
***
