I broke eye contact with him and my gaze landed on his bare feet. “I’m sorry about your shoes.”
“I don’t care about my shoes. I’m just glad you’re safe.”
“Yeah.” I folded my arms in front of my chest. “You didn’t have to come.”
He just stared at me.
“Where’s Brendan?”
“In his own apartment.” His words came out harsh.
I hugged my arms tighter against my chest. “You don’t have to be mad at him. He didn’t do anything wrong.” I was messing everything up. I didn’t want to make his life worse by screwing up his friendships too.
“You were with him all afternoon and he didn’t call me. I have a right to be pissed.”
“Atme. Not him.”
“I’m not upset with you.”
“Well, you should be, James. I was the one that left. I was the one that didn’t want to call you. I was the one that wrote the note, which I’m sorry about by the way. For some reason, I didn’t think through how it would look. But regardless, you should be upset withme, not Brendan.”
“I’m trying my best…”
“I’m not asking for your best. I’m asking you to be real. If you’re mad at me, tell me. If you want to yell at me, yell at me. Don’t take it out on someone else…”
“I don’t know what you want from me, Penny. Do you want me to say that I hate that you don’t remember me? That you don’t remember us?” He walked over toward me. “That I feel like I’m living in a daze? That I don’t understand how you could possibly run away from what we have? That it felt like I died last night when I couldn’t find you?” He stopped a few inches in front of me. “What? Is that what you want? Then fine. I’m furious with you. But I can’t hate you because I love you too fucking much.” He looked up at the ceiling like he didn’t want me to see his expression. When he titled his face back toward me, his eyes were closed. “It hurts to look at you when you don’t look at me the way you used to.”
With love.I looked at him like a stranger would. Because that’s what I was. A passerby in his life. Nothing more. I wasn’t sure what made me do it, but I reached out and touched his cheek.
He inhaled sharply. As if my touch shocked him like his shocked me. Like it ignited something inside of him. Images of my dream returned. His lips on mine, his fingers on my skin. I immediately removed my hand.
“Come home.” It wasn’t a command. It was a plea. He opened his eyes and stared at me.
“I feel more at home here than I do in New York.”
“Maybe that’s because we lived here together for a short time.”
“You mean in this apartment? And you kept it?”
“Rob moved in for a while. But when he left, I couldn’t make myself sell it. Sometimes we come here to reminisce.”
“That’s not why I feel at home here. I remember being here for school. I remember loving classes. This campus was the last place I felt like I belonged.”
“It’s also where we met.”
Why wasn’t he understanding? I wasn’t drawn to Newark because of him. I was drawn here to get away from him. “But I don’t remember that. I’m sorry.”
“Let me try to remind you.”
I shook my head. “You told Rob you’d be back tonight. I’m not going to keep you.”
“I do need to be back tonight. But it’s only 11 am. We have all day. Please, Penny. Just give me one day to try to remind you of what we have.”
His dark brown eyes looked so hopeful. He had handed me his broken heart and was waiting for me to put the pieces back together again. I needed to tell him that I didn’t know how. I needed to tell him that I wanted time and space, but then he grabbed my hand.
“Please, Penny.” He ran his thumb along the inside of my palm. “All I’m asking for is one chance.”
My heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest. It was beating so loudly I swore he could hear it. “And I can stay here tonight if I want?”
