“Penny!” someone yelled.
It was like I could still hear James’ voice in my head. Why couldn’t I stop thinking about him? First the dream, now this? I needed to forget about him like I was asking him to forget about me.
“Penny!” someone yelled again.
Brendan removed his hands from my hips and I almost fell over.
I smelled James before I saw him. The comforting smell of his cologne washed over me. And then his strong arms wrapped around me, cocooning me in warmth. And I didn’t know why, but it felt like I was finally home. The thought made tears prick the corners of my eyes.
“Baby.” His breath tickled my skin as he nuzzled his face into the side of my neck. “I thought I lost you.” The tip of his nose grazed my skin. “I thought I lost you,” he said again. And then his lips grazed my skin, setting my body on fire. His fingers pressed into the small of my back, drawing me even closer to him. It was like I was living my dream. He breathed me in like I was the only sustenance he needed.
It felt wonderful. And perfect. And wrong. So so wrong. His distress wasn’t for me. His kisses weren’t for me. His touch wasn’t for me. My stomach rolled. “James.” I hated that my voice came out airy and needy.
He held me even tighter, which was comforting, but at the same time it squeezed my stomach.
I pulled away from him just as everything I had eaten decided to make a reappearance. All over his shoes.God.
I had the faintest recollection that he was wearing a pair of sneakers instead of dress shoes. He was also wearing jeans and a zip-up hoodie. It was like he had transformed into the non-serious man of my dreams. And he didn’t even flinch when I vomited all over his shoes. He just rubbed his hand on my back.
“It’s okay, Penny. I’m here. I’m here now and everything’s going to be okay.”
I believed him. Or at least, I wanted to believe him. But my stomach didn’t. I hunched over and threw up again until my stomach was as empty as my heart. He wouldn’t be looking at me the same way once I told him I couldn’t have children. Those words would erase everything we ever had. It was an easy out. But I wanted him to hold me just a little longer. I wanted him to kiss the side of my neck again. I wanted him to breathe me in like I was the air that filled his lungs. Just one last time so I could ingrain it in my memory. Being loved seemed like a wonderful thing. Maybe one day I’d find out what loving someone felt like.
