City of Sin - Chapter 3
Bee
I jumped onto my bed and pulled the covers up to my chin. My apartment was cold. Everything was cold. I was homesick. The only reason I had come here was Patrick. And now that he was gone, I wasn't sure what I was doing. I couldn't afford to continue living here on a secretary's salary. The apartment had seemed warm and full of life when Patrick had been here with me. But now it was easy to see it for what it really was. It was rundown and the heater was on the fritz.
I didn't want to pitch my ideas during the staff meeting tomorrow. And I didn't want to go on a blind date with some random guy. I was so sick of this city. Nothing good had happened to me here. New York had taken everything from me. All I wanted to do was go home.
Before I could change my mind, I picked up my cell phone, scrolled through my contact list, and pressed the call button. The phone rang.
"Hi, sweetie! How's the big city treating you?"
"Hi, Mom." My voice caught slightly.
"Sweetie, what's wrong?"
"I just want to come home." I pulled my knees to my chest.
"Oh, Bee." Her voice was soothing.
I couldn't help it. I started to cry. It was so nice to hear her voice. "Mom. I hate it here. What am I doing?"
"What happened? I thought you liked your new job? And what about all the new friends you said you made? You seemed so happy last time we talked."
"No." I always tried to pretend everything was okay around my mother. I didn't want her to have to worry about me. But I needed her right now. "I'm stuck. I don't think I'll ever move up in the company."
"Sweetie, you've never been scared of hard work. What's really wrong?"
"Everything. I don't belong here. I never wanted to come to this city in the first place. I followed Patrick here blindly. I lost myself in him. What the hell was I thinking?"
"You were in love. You weren't thinking."
I laughed and wiped away the tears under my eyes. "God, I feel like such an idiot."
"You know you can always come home. But don't let Patrick be the reason that you're running away from the city."
"I just feel so defeated. I don't know why it still hurts so much."
"I know. You remind me so much of myself, Bee. We both love so hard that we forget to take care of our own hearts."
My father had cheated on her. When she found out, it had completely broken her. I grew up faster watching the pain in her eyes. And I told myself I would never let it happen to me. Patrick had seemed like such a nice guy, though. The perfect guy. I felt like we were two parts of a whole. The city had gotten in our way. Or maybe he had expected me to change somehow. But I thought that he loved me the way I was.The way I am.
I didn't want to fall apart because of him. He didn't deserve that. If he didn't need me then I certainly didn't need him. My mom was right. If I left the city now it would be because of him. I ran my thumb along the spot where my engagement ring used to be. I wouldn't give Patrick the satisfaction.
"Does it get easier?" I asked.
"It does. It just takes time."
"More than six months I guess?"
"Maybe a little more than six months. I know I said you were a lot like me, Bee. But you're different in a lot of ways too. You're stronger than me."
"Mom..."
"You are. You're going to do everything you set out to do in New York. And one day you're going to stop thinking about Patrick. And you'll find the person that you're really meant to be with."
"I doubt I'll find him here. Everyone is so unfriendly here. And rude. Everyone just seems grumpy and like they're on a deadlineall the time. I think they could all use a few weeks off in the suburbs."
My mom laughed. "You're in the heart of corporate America. Maybe try to find your dream guy in a different part of town than Wall Street?"
