This Is Love - Chapter 16
Wednesday -James
I watched Penny breathing peacefully in her sleep. I knew she hadn’t fallen asleep until recently because I hadn’t been sleeping either. It felt like her eyes had bore into my soul all night long. Like she was afraid I'd slip away if she closed her eyes.
I stared at her shining hair on the pillow and the slope of her neck. The freckles beneath her blonde lashes. She hated how invisible her eyebrows and eyelashes were without makeup. But God was she beautiful. Just like this. The soft morning light streaming through the blinds cast shadows that heightened her features. Perfect.
I swallowed down the lump rising in my throat. I'd wanted to be strong for her and I had fallen apart. But the way she looked at me last night didn’t make me feel weak. It made me feel like there was still hope. I knew that hope was a dangerous thing. I knew how much hope could hurt when things turned south. And it was hard enough hoping for our son to get better. How could we possibly hold out even more hope?
I had seen the look on my doctor’s face when he went over my results. And for weeks, I had just ignored it. I thought the physical therapy would help. And I had other more important things on my mind. The health of my wife and child. I hadn’t really faced the possibility that I was about to lose everything until last night. It felt so real. With our skin pressed together and our breaths intertwining, I could easily picture that mine would be gone. And she’d be alone. I’d leave her all alone.
She moaned softly in her sleep, her lips parting with each little breath.
Penny didn’t deserve a life alone. And the thought of her being with another man made my stomach turn over. She couldn’t be alone. And she couldn’t be with someone else. So that meant I had to figure this out. There had to be a solution I hadn’t thought of.
Penny made another moaning noise.
I reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. It was impossible not to touch her. It was like her body had a gravitational pull on my hand.
She slowly opened up her eyes. “Hey.”
“Hey.” I let my hand slide down her neck.
She shifted closer to me. “It’s weird being back here, right? Where we first started?” She didn’t say it, but I heard, “and where we might end?” in her silence.
I shook away the thought. “Do you miss it?”
“No.” She sighed and closed her eyes again. “All I need is you. I’d go anywhere for you.” She reached out and put her hand against my chest. Her eyebrows lowered slightly in concentration.
“What are you thinking?”
She opened her eyes. “I’m wishing. But I don’t think it’s necessary. It’s going to be a good day. I can tell.” Her fingersslowly trailed across my chest, lightly touching my scars, and stopped on the side of my ribcage. “I saw these the other day.” She traced my tattoo with her thumb. “At the time I didn’t remember that it had been just me. I should have at least put together the fact that the Liam one was new.” She looked back up at me. “When did you add Scarlett and Liam?”
“My beautiful wife mentioned that my heart beats for my whole family now. You had asked me to add Scarlett awhile ago. And when you were unconscious…it was the one thing I could think of that I hadn’t given you that you wanted. I thought that maybe if I made good on my promises you’d come back to me.”
“You thought I wasn’t waking up because I was mad at you?”
“It was a hard two weeks.”
“I’ll always come back to you.” She nestled into my chest. “And you added Liam too.” There was an awkward pause. “What if he doesn’t make it?”
“What happened to your high hopes?”
“I think sometimes when you spread out your hope all of it feels a little fleeting.” She took a deep breath. “A good night’s sleep would have helped to recharge my positivity reserves, but I couldn’t fall asleep.”
“Me either.” I ran my hand up and down her back. “Liam will always be a part of this family. No matter how long he’s with us.”
She tilted her head up and kissed beneath my chin. “I like the new tattoos. Always desecrating your perfect body.” She kissed me again. “Thank you.”
I held her tightly against my chest.
“We should get going. Liam’s results will be in soon.”
“You have no idea what time it is.” I kissed the top of her head, not letting her move an inch.
“The sun is up. If the sun is up, that means we get the results soon.” She squirmed in my embrace.
“It’s barely 6 a.m. and Dr. Hughes said he wouldn’t be in until 10.”
