“Can I hold him?” Susan asked.
I instinctively hugged Liam tighter to my chest. I didn’t want to let him go. It felt like he was exactly where he belonged. I couldn’t even imagine having to leave him tonight.
Susan put her arms out to take him.
She was trying. I knew that. She wanted to be a part of Liam’s life. Whatever that may entail. I leaned down and kissed his forehead. “I love you, baby boy. You’re going to come home soon. I promise.” It didn’t matter if my promise was empty. That’s what parents did, right? Fight for their children? And I’d do anything to make my promise true. Anything. I reluctantly placed Liam into Susan’s arms.
I felt empty as soon as he was gone. Like a part of me was missing. I turned and pressed the side of my face against James’ chest. He held me as I cried. His hand running up and down my back was the most comforting thing in the world. And the smell of his cologne. And the softness of his t-shirt. I remembered all of it.
“It’s going to be okay,” he said.
He was the heart of our family. And I’d take his lies any day. I liked that he sheltered me from pain. I loved him for it. But he couldn’t protect me from this, no matter how much I wished that he could. We were going to face all this together. As a team.
“It’s late,” James said. “We can come back in the morning with Scarlett.”
“She never goes to sleep without a bedtime story.” The words tumbled out of my mouth and I knew that they were true. “She’s probably giving everyone back home trouble.”
“Most likely.” He smiled down at me. “She’s going to be excited to see you.”
“Not that imposter in my place? She could tell. She knew something wasn’t right.”
“She’s a smart kid.”
“Like her father.”
James shook his head. “Like her mother.”
“Hey, J.J. How are you tonight?” Rob asked.
I glanced over at Rob. He was bouncing up and down, holding Liam close to his chest.
“J.J.?” I asked.
“It’s my nickname for him,” Rob said. “You shoulda named him James Junior in my opinion.”
“I love the name Liam.” I looked up at James. “I can’t believe you named him that though. I thought you didn’t like it.”
“I never said I didn’t like Liam. I just thought it was going to be a girl.”
I smiled, remembering a simpler time. When betting on the sex of our child was our only concern. But Liam was perfect. He was just small. “How is he doing?” I asked the nurse on duty.
“His doctor will be in tomorrow morning if you want updates.”
I swallowed hard. Her response wasn’t exactly settling. “That would be great. What time?”
“Let me go check the schedule for you.”
“It’s okay,” James said as he slipped his arm around me. “We’ll be here for most of the day. We won’t miss him.”
“Alright. I’ll see you both tomorrow then.” She gave us a kind smile as she went to put Liam back down.
“Just one second,” I said and pulled him into my arms once more. It still felt like I was running out of time even now that I saw him. It was the worst feeling in the world. “I remember you, Liam. I remember you and I’m here to fight for you now. So don’t you forget that. Okay?” He was still sleeping, his chest rising and falling quickly, like he was struggling for air, which I knew he was.
Liam kicked one of his feet out again and I smiled. He and I had an agreement. When he kicked, that meant we were on the same page. I looked down at him and tried to ingrain his adorable little face into my mind. I wasn’t sure how many of these moments we’d have. And once you lost your memories, you started to appreciate them even more. Especially the important ones. The ones that were fleeting.
***
Coming home earlier tonight had been jarring. Too many faces. Too much noise. All I needed was James and he hadn’t been there. I had probably been rude and insensitive. God, they had all thought I had run off with Tyler. It was a freaking mess.
