I jerked my head toward Sapphire. “Come on.”
We rounded the edge of the pool, and Sapphire beat her wings gently in excitement. A twin sensation fluttered through my body, down to the shreds of my soul.
Vale circled Sapphire, admiring her.
“You can touch them,” I said, and Vale started. I gently trailed my fingertips along the downy feathers. “She doesn’t mind. I think she likes it, actually.” As if in confirmation, she released a low nicker.
“That’s my girl,” I purred.
Vale was silent as she explored Sapphire, casting curious glances toward the khrysaor.
“I’m sorry for what you had to do.” I whispered it so quietly, I thought she might not have heard at first.
But after a moment, she said in a tone that chimed like a bell, “I am, too,” and continued tending to my pegasus.
“I know I wasn’t in your situation, but I’ve had to do a lot of things I never thought I would. Spilled blood I’d never imagined would stain my hands.”
Lucidius, all those months ago within the confines of the Spirit Volcano, was a loss that had become a festering wound between Malakai and me. Then, shortly after, the Mindshaper Chancellor, Aird. I carried less guilt for that. When he’d attackedme during the Battle of Damenal, I’d been left with little choice. Still, an entire clan had relied on him. Had I doomed them to a worse fate by slaying him or cleared the way for a more just ruler? Only time would tell, given that no political movements had been made clear from the Mindshapers.
But Vale…what she’d done was different than either of those circumstances.
I continued, “I won’t pretend to know how you feel or presume to understand how your relationship with Titus truly unfolded, but from what I do know, and from what I’ve experienced myself, it’s okay to grieve while still being happy you made that choice.”
“There was no choice,” she answered. “And yet, sometimes, I find myself torn. I fluctuate between being angry I didn’t have an option, wishing there could have been another way, and grateful I was allowed to be weak enough to let the Fates decide.” Her words twisted with ire at the end—ire for herself or for the circumstances, I wasn’t sure.
“Death is not simple, nor is it clean. And in my experience, it is rarely easy to come to terms with.” My father’s presence settled around me, as if his spirit was with us.
Vale watched her hands. “Sometimes I feel nothing at all toward it, and I worry that being able to kill someone who had given me so much at one point means I’m heartless.” She bit her lip. “The night they found Cypherion and me in the archives, the Fates showed me a reading that said I would be Titus’s downfall.” I perked up, wondering what else she saw and how it had built to that moment. “I didn’t think it was possible, but I suppose I was meant to do what I did. And now, sometimes I’m numb to it.”
I strode around Sapphire and took Vale’s hands between my own. “Everything you feel—be it loud crashes of tidal wavesthreatening to drown you or the still calm sea—is all a part of healing.”
“Thank you,” Vale whispered. And it was only two small words, but they were layered with such sincerity, like it was exactly what she’d needed to hear. Vale hugged me to her, gratitude seeping from her body in waves.
As she pulled back, the silver on her shoulder glinted.
“May I ask?” I said, and she followed my stare to the ring of stars, her fingers tracing over it as her own eyes dropped to my Bind, and she nodded. “How did it feel?”
“It was something I’d never wish on my worst enemy, Ophelia. It was the root of myself shredded—a piece lost to eternity. And now, I have to learn the consequences of it.”
I gripped my arm around the Bind, rolling my lips together. There was nothing to respond, nothing but fear cascading through my body, so I nodded.
Vale stepped back, saying, “I’m going to go meet the khrysaor, if that’s all right.”
“Of course,” I said around the dread crowding my throat. “They prefer apples if you want to feed them. We had to tie the baskets shut in an attempt to keep them out.”
Sapphire’s wing curved around me, and the soft sound of Vale muttering to Dynaxtar and Zanox filled the cavern. She spent an hour tending to Dynaxtar in particular, and the entire time, all I could see was the outline of the North Star inked on my arm. All I could wonder was if I would one day learn to live without a piece of my soul.
Chapter Forty-Three
Malakai
I sprawledon one of the couches in the Lendelli inn’s many lounges. Mila and Lyria were in chairs across from me and one of Lucidius’s journals was in my hands—Soulguider Territory this time. One of the fae books on the sphinxes lay open on the table between us, but as much as I tried to focus, I couldn’t help but eavesdrop on the girls’ whispered conversation.
“I don’t know what I want from it,” Lyria said, watching the bright mystlight dancing in its lantern in the chandelier strung over the table. “I like being back with everyone, though.”
“Oh, my company wasn’t enough?” Mila teased.
“Shut up,” Lyria groaned, laughing. From the corner of my eye, I noticed Mila exhale, relieved she and her friend were settling back into their old routines. “You know it was, but that was before. We were traveling the territories, there was always something new to explore.”
