The following morning, there was a change in the weather. Instead of the persistent tapping of raindrops, Penelope woke to the melodic twitter of birds chirping. The feeling of disorientation was just as confusing, though. She drowsily turned her head back and forth a few times before remembering where she was. Fortunately, this time when her memories ebbed back in, there was no cringing. She felt her lips twitch into a smile as she thought of her evening with Bonnie and Finn.
She heard movement from downstairs. Focusing, she could make out the distinct sound of footsteps growing closer. The pleasant aroma of coffee drifted in, followed moments after by Bonnie, dressed in very fashionable workout attire. Her strawberry-blonde hair was up in a thick ponytail.
“Finally,” Bonnie said with a light chuckle. “I thought you might never wake up. This is the third time I’ve checked on you this morning.”
“Like you’re one to talk,” Penny grumbled as she pulled herself into a sitting position, reaching greedily for the coffee.
“I know, I know. I’m a terrible host,” Bonnie sing-songed mockingly before pulling herself up into a straighter, more determined stance. “But today, I’m planning to make amends for that, as well as a few other things. I’m going for a walk first to clear my head while the weather is so gorgeous. And then….”
“If you wait, I’ll….”
Bonnie raised her hand insistently.
“You just woke up. Relax. Drink your coffee. Give yourself time to get over the jetlag. I won’t be long. I want to reacquaintmyself with the place.” Bonnie’s voice was smooth, bordering on happy. “In the meantime, you could pop in for a shower and get yourself cleaned up. It’s not just you I need to make things up to. It sounds like I owe that guy Seamus a proper apology, or we may be banned. I’m going to need your support for that.”
“What? My Bonnie, admitting she owes someone an apology. Are you sure you’re feeling okay?”
“Stop.” Bonnie’s smirk showed her guilt, even if only for a moment. Then her chin tilted up defiantly. “I’m not that bad. Besides, I’m not convinced I was completely in the wrong. But since I would like to see Finn play there eventually, I guess I have to do what I have to do.”
With that, Bonnie turned, giving a half wave. “See you in a bit.”
Listening to her energetic steps bouncing down the stairs, Penelope decided it was for the best that she wasn’t going. Instead, she stretched, arms flailing in the air as a large yawn escaped her. She stood carefully, mug in hand, testing her balance before slowly making her way over to the bay window. Curling up on the cushioned bench, she crossed her legs and pulled the coffee closer to breathe in the warm steam. Watching through the windowpane, she caught sight of Bonnie just as she disappeared from view.
And what a view. It wasn’t exactly a sunny day, but it was less dull than it had been. The green of the grass gave the scene a shot of color, as did the red gate she could just make out at the end of the drive.
Her fingers gently reached out to touch the smooth glass, feeling the coolness there. But maybe it was a tiny bit warmer today, she thought hopefully. Perhaps she wouldn’t have to pull out the heaviest of her sweaters.
Before she could control it, a wave of homesickness swept through, knocking her off balance. Setting her mug down, shedrew her knees up to rest her head on them, wrapping her arms around herself. She could feel the wave of panic coming—the fear she fought against by pushing herself. If she just kept studying, kept working, kept working out, it wouldn’t have time to seep in. She would be okay. But, here, she couldn’t stick to a routine.
Lifting her head just enough to peek out, she felt the foreignness of her surroundings like a punch to the gut. This wasn’t home; it wasn’t safe and predictable. Things weren’t controllable. Who did she think she was to handle all this?
“Stop it,” she scolded herself. “Breathe.”
When she closed her eyes to do just that, she was faced with the gray-eyed stare that had returned to haunt her again and again, a look of disgust glaring back at her. The disgust she had invited into her life, that she had believed in until it overwhelmed her.
“No,” the word was almost shouted out. “I’ve changed. I’ve accomplished things. He doesn’t get to have this hold on me.”
She felt the dreaded teardrops and grew angrier with herself. Jolting up, she began to pace back and forth across the floor, reminding herself of the things she’d accomplished, of who she was now, her muttered words quickening with her steps. “I am a good teacher, a good friend, a good person. Some men might even like me.” She had a harder time believing this one, even as she pictured the way Seamus had looked at her. And Finn… she cut that thought off because that brought emotions with it she wasn’t sure she was ready for.
“I can do this. I can be here for Bonnie and have an adventure for myself. Carson doesn’t get to decide my worth.” His name on her tongue caused her to flinch. “I do.”
Drawn back to the window, she looked out at the landscape that reminded her of books she’d read—worlds she’d gotten lost in. An idea came to her. Maybe if she thought of herself as acharacter in a book, she could do this—as someone else having an adventure.
Her glance traveled over to where she’d hidden her journal. Maybe she could do a different type of writing—one that would make all this a little more bearable, like an experiment, or an article about someone else, or just a story with a happy ending. She used to love that kind of writing before she buried that dream as unrealistic.
Digging through her bag she pulled out the blank journal she’d purchased before the trip, as a ready back up. Bringing it over to the bench, she concentrated on the steady strokes of the pencil against the paper as she began to write about her experiences, describing their arrival and escapades so far, with a hint of exaggeration and description thrown in, rather than just retelling the day’s events.
Over an hour later, her writing hidden away, Penelope stood in front of the shower with only a towel wrapped around her, phone in hand, swearing. “Come on, Bonnie, pick up!” she all but yelled at her useless phone. She had totally forgotten to ask about the hot water situation and had no intention of taking another cold shower.
As she stared at her phone in helpless frustration, she realized she had a text she hadn’t opened. Curiosity getting the better of her, even in her current state, she opened it and read: Finn here. Feel free to call or text me if you need anything.
She chewed on her lip, staring hopelessly at the shower for a full minute. Then she took a deep breath and texted: Bonnie went out. Could you please tell me how to get hot water for a shower?
Penelope stared at her phone. As her body grew colder, she became even less inclined to freeze to get clean. She pleaded silently that the dots would appear to indicate hewas responding. What she wasn’t prepared for was her phone ringing. She practically dropped it as her body jerked. Gripping it more tightly, she answered before she had time to think about it.
“Hello?”
“Penny?”
