“Took you long enough,” Leoni called up.
I just shook my head, giving myself a moment to look out over the shimmering dark waves. Leoni was right. This was stupid.
I was going to do it anyway.
I inhaled a deep breath, bracing my legs and readying myself to jump, when my gaze caught on something in the distance. A ship. I could just see its outline through the fog.
“Oh, don’t tell me you changed your mind,” Leoni yelled over the roar of the ocean. “It’s all good and fine if you don’t want to jump, but I’d appreciate this revelation much more if you’d had it before we made the trek out here.”
I squinted at the dark form, sails billowing, ship gliding through the waters. No ships came to the Cliffs of Death. It was too violent, too dangerous to even attempt to dock a boat here. No one came here, except...him.
I stilled. But no. I’d told him to never return, that I never wanted to see his face again. Besides, he didn’t have a shipanymore. My gaze flicked to the wrecked vessel below. I’d made sure of that.
I looked closer, recognizing the blue-and-green flag flapping in the wind. The colors of Apolis. I’d know that flag anywhere.
My father’s ship—which hadn’t been seen for six months. Six long months since he’d left to find my brothers. Six long months of guilt weighing on my shoulders for the role I’d played in their disappearance. My heart hammered in my chest. Had he found them? Was he back with all of them safe and sound? But why would he sail here? It didn’t make sense.
“Hello?” Leoni shouted. “What has gotten into you?”
My eyes snapped to her round face, and I pointed, yelling back, “There’s something out there.”
She spun, facing the water, rising on her tiptoes and arching her neck. “I don’t see anything,” she called.
I looked back up. Nothing but fog rolled across the ocean.
I’d just seen it. It was there. It had to be. Unless I was imagining things, wishing it into existence. Because if my father had returned with my brothers, then everything would be okay. My life wouldn’t have to so drastically change tomorrow.
I shook my head, still searching. Leoni was right. There was nothing, just the dark expanse of sea and thick gray mist.
Leoni turned back to me. “What did you think you saw?”
“I—my father’s ship—I swear it was there.”
Leoni planted her hands on her hips. “Your father is gone. He’s not coming back. I know you miss him. I know you miss Mal and Lochlan, and I know you feel guilty over what happened to them?—”
“Don’t,” I snapped, and suddenly the weight of everything crashed over me.
“Is that what all of this is about?” Leoni shouted.
I sighed and sunk down on the edge of the cliff, legs hanging over the side.
Leoni stepped toward the tall rock. “I know you think it’s your fault?—”
“It is my fault.” I massaged my temples.
“This”—Leoni gestured to the cliff right as another wave crashed, shaking the rock underneath me—“isn’t going to bring your brothers back.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. She was right. What was I doing out here? What was I thinking? That I’d jump off the cliff and somehow feel closer to my brothers, feel like I was honoring them in some way? That I’d do this ridiculous stunt we always said we’d do and my life would magically be okay? Maybe part of me thought the sea would swallow me up—and my guilt along with it.
But none of those things would happen. Blood and water. I’d been so stupid. I started climbing down, Leoni silent until I hopped into the soft sand, facing her. Disappointment welled in me. This entire trip had been a waste of time. A silly fantasy that I’d thought was a good idea. This grief, this guilt, was twisting my mind.
She put a hand on my shoulder. “You can’t keep blaming yourself for what happened to them—or to your father.” I’d never stop, but she didn’t understand. She couldn’t understand. “C’mon, let’s get back to the castle. Hopefully you can at least get a few hours’ sleep.”
Right. I’d need it.
Tomorrow I would be crowned queen of Apolis, and my life, as I knew it, would officially be over.
Chapter Two
