Shit. The tightness forming in my chest catches me off guard along with her comment. She’s got a pretty smile tipping up her cheeks, and it gives me another good thunk.
“Yeah, well, you were one of the few people back in the day that could get one out of me.” I was a stone-faced bastard back when I was a cop. My go-to mode was pissed. I was jaded by everything I witnessed on a daily basis. But every time I saw Shayna, I’d feel a bit lighter and actually remember how to smile. That’s another reason why I turned my badge in. I was thinking it was time to settle down and start a family. See if I could get myself a wife and then look into adoption. But I could never find someone to settle down with, and then…that little girl I wanted to adopt aged out of the system and became an adult.
But I still kept tabs on her from a distance. I’d check in with her caseworker, Melinda Williams, from time to time to find out how the girl was doing. The old woman always assured me she was doing well. Working and making her way in this world. I was proud of the path she’d chosen. Then the last time I ran a check in the system to make sure her adult record was still clear, I saw that she was working at that dive bar. It still wasn’t the worst job she could’ve taken so I didn’t step in, but now I know I should’ve.
“You know…” Her voice draws me back in, like a sultry melody. “Full confession, I used to get into trouble just so I’d be able to see you.” Shit. That pressure is back in the left side of my chest. “Sometimes being in that place would get to be too much, and I’d start sinking into the sadness. Everyone was always crying.” There’s a faraway look creeping into her eyes, like she’s being taken back to that group home, surrounded by kids who were abandoned by the people who brought them into this world. Neglected and afraid. “But talking to you would cheer me up. You always made me feel okay again. So, when things would get too hard to deal with, I’d do something so Mrs. Williams would call you.”
Damn. I don’t know whether to be pissed over the fact or not. The girl was racking up misdemeanors left and right. Most of them I was able to get cleared, but her record is not clean. Still, I ain’t gonna deny the fact that every time they called me to come get her, I was secretly happy I’d get to see her. She was a sweet kid who was greatly misunderstood. She wanted attention and love and used whatever means she could to get it.
“Full disclosure,” I state, wanting to make a confession of my own. “I looked into the adoption process and spoke to Mrs. Williams about my chances of adopting you.”
Her eyes are round now. Bright with shock. I never told her of the fact because I didn’t want her to be disappointed ifit didn’t work out. And when it didn’t, I was thankful I hadn’t gotten her hopes up.
“But like I thought, I wasn’t a good candidate. They wanted two people in the home.” Meaning: they wanted to make sure some creepy man wasn’t trying to adopt a young girl for nefarious reasons. “They also didn’t like my work schedule. So, it wasn’t going to happen.”
“You didn’t tell me?”
“Because I didn’t want to disappoint you if it didn’t work out.” I couldn’t stand the thought of making that sweet girl sad. Not sure what she’s feeling now as her head drops and her eyes focus on the contents inside her mug. The steam rolls off the top, and I can feel the heat from here, trickling down my nerves. I’m at a loss for words, feeling like I shouldn’t have shared the fact at all.
“It’s probably for the best,” she finally breaks the unnerving silence. “Puberty hit me pretty hard, and I was definitely a brat.” She has me smirking again, reminding me of that first day I met her and the little sales pitch she gave me, which stole my heart and sold me on the idea of having a kid. “And I don’t think I would have ever gotten rid of my potty mouth or done well in school. I hate reading.”
“You’re talking to a Savage Knight, babe. Ain’t none of us are picking up a book.” Street smarts are the only kind of smarts that keeps us alive. “And cussin’ is our first language.” I wink. “So, you’ll fit right in here.”
Her cheeks light right up. Damn, I wish I didn’t find her so attractive. It’s messing with my head.
“You need anything to eat, kid?”
I turn and walk over to the fridge in search of any kind of distraction, burying my head in the cold air in hopes it cools me off. Looking at her face is almost too much. I dig through the leftovers and find a box of muffins.
“Muffin?” I turn, offering up the box.
“No thanks. I’m not hungry. And you know I’m not a kid anymore, right?” There’s almost an annoyance in her voice. I’m sure she sees the term as a disrespect, but that’s not the reason I keep using it.
“I know you’re not a kid.” I try not to look down her frame again, focusing on the muffins in my hand instead. “You’ve turned into a beautiful young woman.” Too beautiful for my liking because I like her looks way too much. “But old habits die hard.” And I’m trying desperately to think of her as that ten-year-old kid who wanted me as her dad so these conflicting emotions will stop.
“You think I’m beautiful?”
My eyes snap up, watching those soft lips turn up again and feeling that thumping beat in my chest. Jesus. I need to choose my words more carefully.
“You fishin’ for compliments, doll?” I cock my brow at her. “Because I’m pretty sure you’ve seen yourself in the mirror.” Ain’t a man alive that wouldn’t think she’s gorgeous. And with that blush forming in her cheeks, she’s even prettier.
She stares at me pretty hard, and with each passing second, the collar around my shirt grows tighter. Those eyes are something, I’ll tell ya.
“You know. I’m glad you didn’t adopt me.”
Her words hit me like a sucker punch. Now that she’s grown, it looks like she’s relieved not to be legally tied to my ass.
“Why is that?”
“Because I think it would be awkward to be attracted to my so-called ‘father.’”
Shit. I don’t need her sayin’ things like that. It’s already hard enough for me. My cock’s trying to split my zipper open. But the girl has never had a damn filter. Always saying exactly what’s onher mind. I don’t need to know that she finds me attractive. It only makes matters worse.
“You better get those thoughts out of your head, kid.” I pry the words through my clenched jaw. “It’s not appropriate.” Mrs. Williams would be downright disgusted with the thoughts running through my head. So would all the cops I used to work with. Even my own brothers would think I’m a bastard for preying on this vulnerable girl.
“I’m not a kid,” she huffs, sounding exactly like a kid not getting her way.
“Yo, Link.” King walks into the room with his daughter in tow, and it looks like this uncomfortable conversation is gonna have to be tabled for later, or for never. “You ready to go over the plans?”
